Love Conquers All!
by Editor-Bug
Summary: A series of ZATR one-shots surrounding Zim & Tak's various romantic exploits! Takes place after my story "Tak Is Back", but newcomers will get the gist. Suggestions/requests welcome! (Previously titled "Life In Love")
1. Detention

(A/N: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the story! I've been wanting to do something else with this pairing ever since I finished "Tak Is Back", so here we are! These stories are gonna be pretty short, since I still have other stuff to work on (SO much other stuff), and I don't wanna spend TOO much time on these, but I'll try to update at least once every couple of weeks.

Also, there's no set number of chapters I have in mind, but I guess this will just keep going until I run out of ideas, which I imagine will take a long time. I'd also love to hear suggestions from you guys! I'll reply to selected comments at the beginning of each chapter! Anyway, enough out of me. On with the story!)

* * *

Ch. 1: Detention

 _Summary: Zim and Tak get sent to detention and recount how they ended up there._

* * *

"Psst. Zim!"

"Heh?"

"You're a moron."

"Hey!"

Skool had ended over half an hour ago, and Zim and Tak were still being held prisoner in Ms. Bitters's classroom. They had their heads pressed down onto their desks, but turned so that they could see each other. The old teacher had fallen asleep a few minutes ago and was snoring slightly.

"What did I do that was so wrong?" asked Zim. "I don't recall being the one who overreacted and went throwing punches at the greatest invader to ever live!"

"You dummy! Don't you remember?" Tak responded in a hoarse whisper. "It was all because of your stupid Valentine thing..."

 _*cue flashback*_

It was Valentine's Day, and Invader Zim was in love. Yes, Tak returned his affections, but since neither of them knew much about romantic relationships, they kept it pretty low-key. Zim didn't mind; it allowed him to keep up his "hardened invader exterior", but every now and then, he just HAD to do something stupid. It was practically programmed into his PAK.

Once in a while, he simply HAD to show Tak some romantic gesture to remind her of their relationship. Though these annoyed her, in a way, Tak further respected Zim for it.

She, personally, was too afraid to do anything she wasn't 100% sure of. Tak was afraid of screwing up anything, so she wouldn't spend time on such insubstantial matters. Zim, on the other hand, would try anything once. Even if he ended up getting hurt, he had so much confidence in himself that the thought of messing up a plan rarely fazed him. It was half brave and half idiotic.

So, when Valentine's Day rolled around, Tak expected the worst.

Zim saw this day as he and Tak's "anniversary", because it was the day he had met Tak and she'd thrown a slab of meat at him in front of the class, causing him excruciating pain. Memories.

Zim felt that he really had to outdo himself this time. If that was possible...

"Tak!" He'd stopped her in the hallway. "Do you realize why I've been so giddy all day?"

Tak crossed her arms. "Because you've got some dumb romantic thing you want to give me?"

"Correct! But it's not dumb! Wait here, I'll go get it!" Zim turned and ran around the corner. After a few seconds, he called "Close your eyes! DO IT!"

The Irken female sighed, but did as Zim said. She also held out her hands, expecting a big card or something. She heard some shuffling noises in front of her, as well as a few stifled laughs.

"Okay! Here it is!" came Zim's voice.

Tak opened her eyes.

...

Zim had wheeled out a giant...what the heck was it?

Some kind of float?

And sitting on top of it was a big heart that appeared to be made of different colored tissue paper, stuck together and arranged in what was clearly supposed to be a portrait of Tak, but looked more like Pepe the frog. Well, that explained all the giggles from the multitude of students in the hall.

"Are you not amazed?" Zim asked the petrified Tak. "See? Under the portrait of you, it says 'Happy Valentine's Day', except GIR spelled it wrong, so it says 'ValenTIME's'...but anyway! Zim sees that you have fallen speechless out of sheer gratitude! You may praise me now."

Tak punched Zim right in the face.

"THAT HIDEOUS THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE ME?!" she cried furiously.

"WHAT?!" Zim asked, confused. "It looks exactly like you!"

"AGHHHH!"

Tak continued attacking Zim and he began fighting back, but before they knew it, the skool principal showed up and whisked them away to be punished.

Dib strolled by and stole a glance at Zim's valentine. He couldn't tell by looking at it who it was supposed to be for.

"Some couples are so weird..." he remarked, shaking his head.

 _*end of flashback*_

"You see? It's your fault we're here!" snapped Tak.

"My valentine captured your beauty quite flawlessly!" argued Zim. "I fail to understand why you were so upset!"

Tak perked up. "You think that...I'm beautiful?"

"Of course I do!" Zim whispered back, flushing angrily. He turned to face the wall.

Feeling alone with her thoughts, Tak reflected upon the situation. It really was a sweet gesture, even if was totally embarrassing. Zim was no artist, that was for sure, but he had put a lot of effort into the valentine. She decided to make it up to him somehow.

Finally, Ms. Bitters woke up and hissed at the two of them to leave already. She hated detention more than the students did. She kicked them out and shut the classroom door.

"Zim, I've changed my mind," Tak said firmly. "I am truly thankful for the Valentine. You should be proud of it, and I...admit that I overreacted. I'm sorry for getting you in trouble. Even if your art skills SUCK."

Zim paused. "You're only saying all this because I admitted that I find you beautiful, aren't you?"

"...maybe."

Tak kissed him on the cheek.

"...but probably not."

* * *

(A/N: Welp! Hope you enjoyed that first cheesy story! Many more to come!

Don't forget to leave a review telling me what you thought, any errors I made, and any suggestions for stories, as long as it's not TOO complicated! I have some ideas of my own written down, buuuut yours are most likely better than mine...anyway

Please, review, fave, follow, check out my profile, and I shall see you next time! Au revoir!)


	2. The G Word

(A/N: Howdy-ho! Welcome to the second story! Lemme just...start)

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Ch. 2: The G Word

 _Summary: Zim refers to Tak as his girlfriend to see how she reacts._

* * *

"Girlfriend".

Zim thought it was such a weird word. He had heard humans use it in so many ways, and seen other humans react to it in so many ways.

Apparently, it does not simply mean a friend that is a girl; no, that would make too much sense. Zim's understanding of the term was that it was what boys called girls when they liked them, and when the girls liked them back, they called them their "boyfriend".

Unfortunately, that got Zim thinking, and these thoughts did not leave his mind for more than a minute at a time.

What if he called Tak HIS "girlfriend"? Could he just do that? What would Tak say? Would she call Zim her "boyfriend"?

...that's what it came down to, didn't it?

 _Does Tak like me as much as I like her?_

Zim was fretting about it all day in Skool, but he finally decided to take action. The only way he would find out would be if he did an experiment!

After the boring day of learning about the inner workings of slaughterhouses, Zim and Tak walked home together as usual. However, Tak noticed that Zim was marching quite slowly.

"Are you tired or what?" she asked. "Come on, we have a lot of homework to do."

"Umm...let's go interrogate somebody!" Zim blurted. "We can gather information on them and stuff and use it against them in our plan to take over the earth!"

"But I hate talking with humans," whined Tak. "And gathering information is what our SIR units are for, anyway."

"YOU SPEAK LIES! I mean...do you think either of them are doing their jobs?" Zim reminded her. MiMi, Tak's robot, had actually grown quite carefree since she and her mistress began living with Zim. "This is an opportunity to really find out their weaknesses! Come on, don't be a scaredy squid! You can hold Zimmy's hand if you're feeling nervous."

Tak took ahold of Zim's hand and nearly crushed it. He'd offered it up in the first place because he was the nervous one. He just smiled through the pain and led Tak over to a middle-aged and portly man sitting on a bench. It was time to drop the figurative bomb.

"Greetings, human man," Zim waved at him. "My girlfriend and I are with, um...the government people, and we were wondering what your weak- - I mean, 'allergies' are."

"Well, now, I'm glad you asked, tiny green census taker!" the man said gladly. "Let's see, there's, uh, parsnips, blue corn, sheep's milk..."

Zim stared at Tak expectantly, but she was just watching the human prattle on in disgust. She didn't react to Zim calling her his girlfriend. Perhaps she hadn't heard him?

"...almonds, shiitake mushrooms, cloudberries- -wait, no, those just give me gas..."

"ENOUGH! Bye."

Zim yanked Tak away from the man, searching for another person to question.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He couldn't believe it.

EVERY time he had spoken to a human at the park, Zim had introduced Tak as his girlfriend. After a couple times, he'd even emphasized the word, so there was no way Tak hadn't noticed it, despite the fact that he'd said it in passing.

But she never showed any reaction to it. Even on the few occasions Tak had addressed a person, she had not acknowledged Zim, much less called him her boyfriend. Did he really mean that little to her?

So, now the two were making the trip home. Zim solemnly trudged a few feet behind Tak, who was feeling inspired.

"That was actually a pretty good idea you had there!" she complimented him. "I had no idea so many humans could die from eating simple peanuts! We could be onto something with this!"

Finally, she reached the front door to Zim's house and noticed the forlorn alien dragging his feet across the yard. As he approached her, Tak gave him a kiss on the forehead, but he did not perk up as she'd expected him to. She became concerned.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"I...I called you the G word!" admitted Zim, sounding offended. "Did you not notice?!"

"'G word'? What G word?"

"'Girlfriend'!" Zim clarified. "I called you that the whole time we were at the park! And you didn't even say anything about it!"

"...well, what did you expect me to say?"

"...I don't know! That you were honored! Or that you were pleasantly surprised! Or maybe that it was such a coincidence because you'd always thought of me as your BOYFRIEND!" he spoke in one breath, flushing momentarily.

Tak tilted her head slightly. "I haven't the foggiest idea what those words mean."

Zim eyed her in disbelief. "It means that I really LIKE YOU! That's what it means!"

"I know that. Why do you think you need some silly human label to tell me that?"

"Because! Because!" Zim began to get worn out by all the fuss. "I just wanted to show how much I like you! And see if you like ME that much..."

"How much do you like me, then?" said Tak, putting a finger to her chin.

Zim hung his head and put his arms out at his sides as far as they could go. "THIS much."

Tak grinned and mimicked the position of his arms. "Well, would you look at that? I like you THIS much, too! Now you have nothing to worry about."

Zim stared at her in surprise as she gave him a hug.

"You can be so ridiculous sometimes."

* * *

(A/N: N'aww! Wasn't that Suh-WEET? Well, onto the next one, I guess! I'm excited!)


	3. On The Mouth

(A/N: Hoo-whee, the third chapter already? That was fast.

This is kinda like a one-shot I wrote called "Mononucleosis", which I was originally going to make a ZATR story, but decided to change when I made plans for THIS story. I like the way that story turned out, but the main idea, that being Zim trying to get a kiss, was just too fun not to get another incarnation. So this is based on the story that was based on the story idea! I think.

By the way, if you haven't read "Mononucleosis" go read that, 'cause it's really funny. Probably funnier than this chapter. Like, go read it. Yeah.

On with the story!)

* * *

Ch. 3: On The Mouth

 _Summary_ : _Zim takes drastic action to get a kiss from Tak. On the mouth!_

* * *

It was hard to believe, but Zim liked kissing.

That's right; germaphobic, cootie repellent, "touch me, and I'll send you flying into a locker" Zim liked kissing.

But the only kissing he liked was from the only girl that he liked. Tak, of course! Unfortunately for him, she wasn't that affectionate.

Sure, she would sometimes give Zim a kiss on the forehead when he made her happy, but how often did THAT really happen? And being kissed on the forehead was...lame. It made Zim feel sorta like a little kid.

He wanted to be smooched like the grown man he was! On the mouth!

But Tak had only kissed him on the mouth two times before; once when he'd asked her (and he'd thought it was the last chance he would get) and Tak agreed to let him do it, and the other time was when he thought Tak was about to leave Earth, and she was the one who'd kissed him. (A/N: This all happened in "Tak Is Back", remember)

The point was that Zim rather liked what he'd felt inside on those two occasions, some intimacy with Tak that he couldn't feel no matter how physically close he got to her. Affection was weird like that.

And Tak was such a strange person. Zim liked her, but he knew that if he tried to kiss Tak himself, she'd probably punch his lights out. Their relationship was weird like that.

Zim took what he could get, but Tak did not, and Zim was never quite sure why. This is why Zim always challenged himself to earn Tak's love, but she would always remind him that the feeling was mutual and he didn't need to prove anything to her.

But hopefully, it wouldn't be long before the two of them got into another do or die situation...

Zim was paranoid about this all throughout the skool day, and he wondered when this opportunity would come. After class was over, he and Tak were exiting the building together when they heard thunder booming outside.

"It's raining," Tak said in alarm.

"Ah, perfect!" replied Zim, for his opportunity had come! He noticed Tak eyeing him strangely and pretended to be upset about it. "I mean, uh, grrrr. Booo."

Tak ignored this and stepped out of the skool, watching all the other children leave. Feeling defeated, she and Zim sat in the area behind front steps on the end, protected by a layer of ceiling above them.

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to sit here all alone in this precarious situation until it stops raining! Ahahaha...!" Zim said nervously.

Tak furrowed her brow and began looking around. She spotted Old Kid walking down the skool steps, carrying an umbrella.

"Hey, kid!" she called out, pointing to it. "Gimme that or I'll hurt you!"

"But rainwater gives me agita!" he called back.

"You'll get over it! Gimme!" Tak began chasing the whiny man-child. (It was at times like this that she wished her hypnotism device was still working.)

Zim watched the scene in light amusement. Soon enough, Tak snatched the umbrella away from the old kid and pushed him to the ground.

"My hip!" he cried. He got up and moped all the way home.

Wordlessly, Tak returned to Zim with the umbrella. He sighed, but got underneath it. As the two made their way home, Zim kept pressing himself closer and closer to Tak. He was still dissatisfied with the closeness.

"Hey, what are you do- _ING!_ " Tak squeaked as Zim rammed himself right into her chest. The umbrella was knocked from her grip and swept off in the flooded street.

Tak shot a glare down at Zim as he smiled sheepishly. She shoved him off of her and watched him scream in the rain.

"AGHHHH!" he screeched in agony. "Why isn't this hurting YOU?!"

"It is," Tak said coldly. "I'm just not a wimp."

She lifted Zim around the waist and took him over to a big weeping willow tree for them to hide beneath.

"Now, thanks to you, we'll have to wait here for the rain to subside," she scowled.

Zim scooted closer to her. "We're here, together, aren't we? Doesn't that make you happy?"

"Happy?!" snapped Tak. "This is a MESS! And I'd be back at the base by now if it weren't for you!"

Zim gasped, taking offense to this. "You dare blame Zim?! Was it he who caused acidic fluids to fall from the sky?!"

"NO, but your horseplay cost us our only protection from those 'acidic fluids', and now we're stuck here!"

"What do equine mammals have to do with this?! You ALWAYS have to focus on the negative! All I wanted was a simple-!"

"...what?"

"Nothing! Never mind!" Zim turned away.

"No, really, what is it?" Tak turned him back around. "Zim, if you have ANY reason for acting this way, please tell me. It's better than no reason at all."

"Oh," Zim seemed surprised by this. "Uh, in all honesty, Tak, I wanted a kiss from you...on the mouth. Heh-heh...I STILL DO."

"...Zim?"

"Yes?"

"I take back what I said. No reason at all would've been better than that."

Zim and Tak continued to grouch under the tree until Zim got one of those...ZIM ideas. Anxiously, he peeked over at Tak, who was monitoring the rain.

"It still isn't letting up...?" she muttered.

"Tak?"

"WHAT?"

"Here," Zim held his arms out to her.

Tak slapped him. "This is no time for hugging!"

"NO! Hoist me above your head and use me as one of those...human rain shields!" Zim explained sourly. "That was clearly indicated by my arm position!"

"Oh. That's an out there idea if I've ever heard one," she remarked. "You'd get practically LIQUEFIED by all that rain. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

Zim nodded frantically. "Hurry! Before I regain my common sense!"

"...well, thank you. That's very brave."

So, Tak held Zim up over her head and he kept her protected from the rain. He stayed quiet, but Tak knew that he was in pain, so every now and then she would ask how he was holding up, and he would always reply with a strained "Fruity..." Tak insisted that the term was "peachy", but Zim didn't seem to hear her.

Eventually, they reached Zim's base, and Zim let out a groan of slight relief as the rain ceased.

"That...is the last time I leave home...without paste," he wheezed, completely soaked.

Suddenly, Tak lowered him down in front of her and kissed him. On the mouth.

"Do you feel better?" she asked calmly. "That's all you wanted, right?"

Zim was a bit stunned, but managed a nod. "Y...Yuh-huh...now all my blood is in my...face."

"Because you're flustered, or because I'm holding you upside-down?"

"...neither...?"

Tak flipped Zim right-side up and set him down on his front porch.

"Thanks," he said.

"No problem. And Zim?"

"Yes?"

"You could have just asked."

* * *

(A/N: Sorta poor planning on my part making two chapters in a row with the same basic plot. Only halfway through writing this did I notice the similarity. I tried my best to differentiate it from the previous chapter, and hopefully it was good enough for you. If not, well...I hope you still stick around for the next chapter!

I tried to spend these first three or so chapters establishing what Zim and Tak's relationship is like in this story, so all those long passages with no dialogue at the beginning probably aren't gonna be around anymore. I was still figuring stuff out myself and I get really embarrassed talking about all that mushy stuff anyway.

Au revoir!

PS, I just realized this is the SECOND story I've written where one character uses another character as an umbrella. How weird!)


	4. Outing

(A/N: Well, here we are on Chapter 4! I tried to make this one simpler than previous chapters, with an emphasis on the jokes and such, as story elements & jokes are two things I hope to balance out more in my writing. More "situational comedy". Or something. Here goes!)

* * *

Ch. 4: Outing

 _Summary: To Zim's surprise, Tak asks him on an "outing", which he assumes means "date"._

* * *

Zim and GIR stood on the front lawn of Zim's base, wearing their disguises. Zim picked a random stick up and showed it to GIR.

"Now, GIR, when I throw the stick, you retrieve it and bring it back to me. It's called 'fetch', and it's VERY normal," he explained. "Any questions?"

"What flavor is it?" asked GIR.

"The stick?" Zim licked it. "Stick-flavored."

"My favorite!"

The alien closed his eyes and flung the stick. He grinned as GIR leapt over the fence after it. "GO FETCH, GIR!"

Suddenly, Tak opened the front door, her disguise switching on. She appeared to be in a hurry for something.

"Ah, perfect timing!" Zim waved. "I was just in the middle of- -"

"No TIME!" Tak dashed past him, then spun around and begun jogging in place. "Uh, hey, would you come with me on an outing later?"

"O-Of course!" he replied.

"GREAT, thanks!" Tak quickly kissed his cheek and sped out of sight, calling back to him. "I'll be back 7 o' clock SHARP to get you!"

Dreamily, Zim put a hand on his cheek. "An 'outing'. Tak asked me on an outing...neat..."

He was still standing there feeling his cheek when GIR reemerged from over the fence with a rake in his mouth. He spat it out.

"Got the stick!"

Zim gasped all of a sudden. "An...an outing. Outing?! DATE! GIR! Tak was asking me on a date! Like the ones humans always brag about going on!"

"Aww..." moaned GIR. "Agaaain?""

"This is the first TIME! EVER!"

"Oh, boyyy."

"7 o' clock sharp?! HURRY!" Zim yanked GIR into the base. "I must adorn my finest suit and tie!"

A second later, he burst back out the door.

"I must acquire a fine suit and tie!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After Zim stole a monkey suit from the flea market, he was obsessively checking himself in a mirror. Computer was reluctantly holding it up for him.

"You've straightened your bow tie, like, 17 times, are you done now?" it moaned, bored.

"Don't rush me, machine! One more time!" Zim made sure it was perfectly aligned. "Finished!"

"Finally..." Computer retracted the mirror.

"GIR! Bring me that box there!"

The robot toddled up to his master with a baker's dozen box of doughnuts. Well, a dozen, anyway.

"...there's one missing!" Zim noticed. "GIR, how could you?! These are for Tak, and this 'date' is REALLY important!"

"I'm SORRYYY!" GIR sobbed guiltily. "I was young and needed the money!"

Zim scoffed and snatched the oversized box away from GIR before straightening his bow tie yet again. He glanced at the clock.

"IT'S 7 O' CLOCK! AHHHH!" the Irken began hopping from foot to foot, balancing the huge box.

"AHHHHH!" GIR happily began panicking with him.

"TAK! HERE! SOOOON! GIR, RUN AND HIDE!"

"WH-UHHH WHY?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! OBEY ME!"

GIR saluted and flew down the trash can in the kitchen, screaming all the way.

Zim fiddled with the bow tie once more, trying his best to compose himself. He bolted to the door and opened it. Tak was standing there, reaching for the doorknob.

She paused. "Oh. You look...fancy? Are you ready to go?"

Zim blinked several times before answering, "Of course I am! ...dear."

"'Deer'?" Tak squinted. "As in, a ruminant mammal?"

"I mean, sugar!" Zim corrected himself.

"Monosaccharide...?"

"I mean, honey!"

"That fructose-y nectar stuff?"

"I mean, sweetheart!"

"Irkens don't have hearts."

"I MEAN, HOT STUFF! Look what I got you!" Zim showed Tak the doughnuts before she could object to the pet name. "They're filled with dark matter!"

"Uhh, thank you, Zim. But we'll have to eat them on the way," she grabbed his arm. "Come on, it's important; I'll explain. You see, the other day..."

Zim tuned out what Tak was saying as she continued dragging him away, occasionally snatching a doughnut from the box. He was too busy fantasizing about how well this outing was going to go. So well, in fact, that Tak would want to go on dates with him all the time, or "go steady", as humans called it. They'd probably smooch lots.

"...want one?" he heard Tak ask.

"Ohh, yes," Zim said in a daze. He leaned in and waited for the smooch.

"UH," uttered Tak, snapping him out of it. "Here you go." She handed him one of the doughnuts.

"..." Grumpily, Zim bit into it, letting the dark matter drip out of his mouth.

"Anyway, here we are!" Tak had led Zim atop a big hill. She gestured to a big telescope a few feet away. "Here, look through this!"

Zim did so. He could see a few flying saucers that appeared to be heading for the planet.

"Well, that's not very romantic."

"What?"

"Nothing," Zim said quickly. "What are those space coasters doing up there?"

"I dunno!" Tak admitted, shrugging. "But I spotted them from the telescope in the lab a few days ago, and I calculated the amount of time it would take for them to enter Earth's atmosphere. Unfortunately, I was right about them being headed here, but they haven't come any closer since this afternoon. Either way, they're on OUR turf now, so we have the right to take them out. A- -"

"Them too?!" Zim cried out in disbelief.

"...what?"

"This is so...TYPICAL! Why don't we just invite the entire population on our outing as well?!" A megaphone popped out of Zim's PAK. "HEY, EVERYONE! WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH TAK?! PLEASE DO! SHE APPARENTLY TAKES ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY!"

He was so loud that Dib could hear him from his house. He was eating ramen for supper when he heard Zim's sarcastic yelling.

"Hey, Gaz," he said to his sister across the table. "Did you just hear someone yelling that Tak would date anybody?"

"You must've hallucinated it," Gaz slurped her noodles. "After all, 'anybody' includes you."

"Humph."

Back outside, Zim continued his rant.

"HERE! COME JOIN US ON THIS REALLY UNROMANTIC EARTH HILL RIGHT NOW!" Then he turned back to Tak. "HOW DARE YOU PLAY GAMES WITH MY SCHOOLGIRL HEART!"

"...Irkens still don't have hearts."

Zim groaned and stomped away. Embarrassed, he tore off his bow tie and flung it to the ground. He really thought Tak was starting to take him seriously as a romantic partner! She scampered up behind him.

"What are you all upset about now?" she asked, quite confused.

"I STOLE A TUXEDO FOR YOU!"

"Can you start making sense, please?"

"You asked me to attend this romantic 'outing' with you, but I suppose you dragged me out here only to oogle at some plates in the sky and then ask them to attend our DATE!"

"What? Date? This isn't a date. And I never said it was a 'romantic' outing; I brought you here to get rid of the UFOs, that's it."

"But you said- -"

"I never said 'date', I said 'outing'! It's not the same thing! You weren't listening to me at all, were you?"

"...heh?"

Tak let out a sigh. "So, you got all dressed up and gave me those doughnuts..."

"Because I thought we were on a date!" Zim finished, reddening at the word "date".

"...would you...LIKE to go on a date with me?"

"...!" Zim finally smiled. "Yes, yes, I would!"

Tak smiled back. "We can sometime. But right now, we have to get rid of those things before they land."

"Zim shall make short work of them! Fortunately, I brought along my homemade one-shot rocket launcher!" Zim yanked one out of hammer space. "Never leave home without it!"

He took aim at the flying saucers, exclaimed "FIRE!", and one humongous missile ("expertly" painted to look like Zim) went shooting across the sky straight for them.

Within the lead saucer, a Slugulonian noticed the missile drawing near.

"Sir, I think the Earthlings are firing at us," he told his commanding officer.

"Nonsense, private, that's just a welcoming flare!" The commander said nonchalantly. "Earthlings are peaceful creatures! Why, that's the very reason we're headed here! After our home planet of Slugulon was conquered by those blasted Irkens, I knew this was the right place to go to be safe from them! Just stay on cour- -"

 ** _BOOSH!_**

The Zim missile destroyed the fleet of spacecraft, creating a flurry of bright explosions in the sky. Tak stared up at it in awe of its beauty.

Zim leaned on his rocket launcher. "Yep...never leave home without it."

"Zim?"

"Hm?"

"This is the best outing I've ever been on."

* * *

(A/N: Wasn't that MUSHY?! These chapters just keep getting longer and longer...

And yes, the "Dib liking Tak" thing is still part of this story. I've only put Dib in for 2 little joke moments so far, but I have chapters ahead planned where he's in it more. Hope that doesn't bother you, but the comics gave me a new appreciation for his character.

Well, please review, fave and follow if you enjoyed this! And as always, check out more stories on my profile; I just wrote another one for Beavis & Butt-head! Also, another IZ one-shot coming up soon! It's got Skoodge and wiener jokes in it.

Au revoir!

PS, the dark matter doughnuts thing was based on a thing from Issue #2 of the Invader Zim comic series, which you should totally read! I just thought it was a cool idea, so I stole it.)


	5. Mimicry

(A/N: FINALLY! Zim and Tak are actually on the same page about something! It won't last! Oh, and, a couple comment replies.

 **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES:** I totally remember you! Thanks for reviewing again; there's a chapter with Skoodge in the near future!

 **Invader Johnny:** I just wanted to thank you for reviewing every chapter so far. It's sweet, and I'm so glad you like this fic!

NOW READ ON!)

* * *

Ch. 5: Mimicry

 _Summary: Zim and Tak see how good GIR and MiMi's relationship is and try to be more like them._

* * *

"I LOVE popcorn! Do you love popcorn, MiMi?"

MiMi nodded.

"YAY! I especially like it with CHOCOLATE! Do you like your popcorn with chocolate, MiMi?"

MiMi nodded.

"YAYYY! I like it when the chocolate gets all MELTY! Do YOUUU like- -"

"GIR! ENOUGH!" Zim interrupted.

He and Tak were sitting on the couch, having been watching GIR and MiMi gush over each other for HOURS. At first it was cute, then it got grating, and by now it was just plain obnoxious.

GIR hugged MiMi tight. "We're just showing our LOVE! Master! PDA FOR LIFE!"

MiMi nodded and hugged him back.

"Well, do it elsewhere, before I need my bucket again!" snapped Zim.

With a "hmph!" from GIR, he and MiMi skipped into the kitchen arm in arm.

"I'm beginning to think MiMi is more loyal to your robot than she is to me," Tak admitted.

"It isn't FAIR!" blurted the Irken beside her.

"What isn't?"

"How come THEY get to skip together and...hug and stuff? And how come WE never do that?"

Tak's eye twitched slightly. "Don't tell me you actually WANT to skip around like a lovesick idiot."

"Of course not!" Zim pulled his knees up to his face. "But, well...it seems to make them happy..."

This peaked Tak's curiosity. Wordlessly, she and Zim snuck over to the kitchen doorway and took a peek inside. GIR and MiMi were cooking up some of their famous waffle cheese. As he stirred, GIR hummed a tune and MiMi handed him ingredients.

"Aww, that's cute!" cooed Tak.

Zim gave her an odd look.

"I mean! If you're into that sort of thing..." she murmured.

"I just don't get it. How can they get so much enjoyment out of something so asinine? Zim asks you!"

"There must be some method to their madness...want to try it out?"

Her partner shrugged. "Why not?"

Tak interlocked her arm with his. "What do you feel? Happiness?"

"I guess...this might be working! Shall we skip?"

"Don't push it," Tak replied sternly. "Um...now tell me what you like and I'll tell you if I like it too."

"I don't like a lot of things. How about I tell you what I hate instead?"

"I suppose that's fair."

"I hate humans and rain and germs and ice cream and that stupid 'Slaughterhouse 5' book they forced us to read in Skool last week and the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky!"

"...wow."

"Wh-What?"

"I...HATE all those things too!" Tak beamed.

"YAYYY!" Zim did his best GIR impression.

He hugged Tak, and she hugged him back WAY too hard.

"OWW...OW," he wheezed.

"Sorry," she said, dropping him.

Zim examined himself in disbelief. "...this is getting spooky. I'm relatively content! Even after you fractured my spine!"

"Perhaps this stuff isn't as foolish as we thought!"

GIR popped his head out of the kitchen. "Cheese is done!"

Zim and Tak gladly followed him to the kitchen table. The two Irkens watched GIR and MiMi eat some nachos with the cheese. GIR was, of course, packing them in by the dozens, but he would stop occasionally to shove some into MiMi's mouthless face. She didn't seem to mind.

Zim tried his best to copy this; he stuffed himself, then whapped some nachos into Tak's face.

"Ow!" she cried, hot cheese dripping off of her. "Feed me, don't assault me, you jerk!"

"So melodramatic," said Zim, eating some more. "YOW!"

Tak had just flicked some of the cheese on him. He was about to retaliate when GIR spoke up.

"It's time for the Angry Monkey Show!" he tugged MiMi into the living room. "MONKEYYYY!"

Zim shot Tak a "you got lucky" kind of face, and headed into the living room. She begrudgingly followed him.

Even though Zim and Tak despised the Angry Monkey Show, they watched it with the two joyful robots. The show just went on and on...that monkey...

GIR randomly faced MiMi. "I wanna have babies with YOUUU!"

"Uh," Zim hesitantly turned to Tak. "Let's start a family."

"Ick," she stuck her tongue out.

A sigh escaped Zim.

Suddenly, MiMi began scooting away from GIR, and GIR sighed. Tak was confused by this, but she copied it.

"Hey!" Zim's antennae lowered. "We can discuss this!"

"ARRRGH!" GIR cried out. He started chasing MiMi around the room, and not in a playful way.

Tak hopped off the couch and ran around, causing Zim to chase her as well. Offended, he repeatedly shouted to her, wondering why she was being so aversive.

Before anyone knew it, the living room was just filled with irritability and yelling. Zim yelled at Tak, Tak yelled at Zim, GIR yelled at MiMi, and MiMi...just looked upset.

"WAIIIT!" Tak snapped everyone out of it. "What the heck are we doing?! Why are we all fighting in the first place?"

"We just wanted to act like you..." GIR said innocently. Beside him, MiMi nodded. "You so beautiful together!"

"GIR, you should know that mimicry is never the right way to go when it comes to relationships!" Zim scolded him. "That makes you a copycrab!"

"That's right..." agreed Tak. "Every relationship is different, and if yours is having problems, you can't expect to fix them by simply copying off someone else. That's just insincere and leads to trouble like this."

She and Zim glanced at each other for a few seconds.

"...so, yes! Shame on you both!" Zim went on. "Back into the kitchen! Go clean up your mess! Shoo, shoo!"

Snickering amongst themselves, GIR and MiMi shuffled into the kitchen.

After another beat of silence, Zim and Tak flopped back onto the couch and instantly began flipping through the channels. Tak scoffed.

"Some couples, am I right?"

"Really."

* * *

(A/N: That was the hardest chapter to write so far...unlike the other ones, I didn't have set plot points in mind or anything...still tried to make it work, though!

As always, please review, fave, follow and check out profile for more or this shwiz! Au revoir!)


	6. Jealousy

(A/N: I'm dyin', Scoob. Hopefully, I'll finish up some of my many other one-shots after this chapter. Only time will tell...

ALSO! This chapter contains some ONE-SIDED DATR! If that bugs you, you might wanna skip it, yeah?)

* * *

Ch. 6: Jealousy

 _Summary: Zim displays jealousy after Tak uses her charms to outwit Dib._

* * *

Various caged rats sat upon a 20-foot table, surrounded by dozens of beakers and test tubes, some filled, some empty. There were also some snacks. Typical scenery down in Zim's lab. He read from a clipboard while Tak surveyed the table.

"Rats?"

"Check."

"Bubonic plague sample?"

"Check."

"Corpse from which we recovered the aforementioned sample?"

"Uh, check...ew."

"Snacks, just in case?"

"Check. We're ready, Zim."

"Perfect! Now to genetically alter those fleas and release these vermin onto the human population! I'll go retrieve the fleas!" Zim turned around to fetch them when he heard a sneeze. "What was that?"

"It wasn't me," said Tak.

The two looked up, and there was Dib, holding himself against a hanging tube, and quite obscenely wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"What, no 'geshundheit'?" he chided them before realizing his spy mission had been compromised. "Uh-oh."

Steam practically puffed out of Zim's head. "COMPUTER, GET HIM!"

"What...? I was just taking a nap..." whined Computer. He lazily sent a couple robot arms after the intruder.

"HAH!" Dib evaded the arms with ease and back flipped to the floor. He made sure to snap a picture of Zim and Tak with his camera before flinging a smoke bomb and disappearing.

"RRRGH!" Zim shook with rage. "I shall have my bloody revenge on that DUMB...DOODOO...RRR!"

"Don't lose your head," Tak put a hand on his shoulder. "You know, in situations like these, violence isn't always the answer."

"Heh?"

"Just leave it to me. Come on, he can't have gotten far."

Zim and Tak reached the house level; they peeked through the window and immediately spotted Dib near the center of the neighborhood. He was still patting smoke out of his clothes.

Tak smirked and switched her disguise on. "Watch and learn."

"Note-to-self: never get a job as a chimney sweep," Dib coughed out.

"Hey, Dib!" Tak greeted him. "Still into photography, I see."

Dib held the photo protectively. "Oh, no, you don't! No matter what you say, I'm not letting you have this picture, Tak! And I had the lens cap OFF this time, so don't even start with that!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm not a hothead like Zim; I know when I've been bested. At least let me see it."

"...fine, you can LOOK, but that's all." Dib showed it to her for about two seconds before yanking it back.

"You didn't even get my good side!" she pretended to be upset. "You've still got your camera there, take another picture of me!"

The boy eyed her suspiciously. "What for?"

"For me," Tak fluttered her eyelashes. "I just want ONE good photo to frame before you expose me to the world as an alien. That's not too much trouble, is it?"

The thought of having Tak model for him made Dib's heart skip a beat, but his brain was all like "Heart, you imbecile! Take the evidence and get the heck out of here!" He concluded that there would be no harm done.

"Fine."

He took this opportunity to peer back at Zim, who was still watching from the lawn. He mouthed "jealous?" to the Irken. Zim squinted at Dib in hatred.

And so, Dib took photo after photo of Tak, and she was dissatisfied with each and every one. Of course, witnessing all this made Zim furious, but he trusted Tak to go through with whatever her plan was.

"Oh! This one's perfect!" Tak declared, holding one of the dozens of photos. "You can keep all those extras, Dib. Do whatever with them."

The scythe-haired boy was nearly being crushed by all the pictures he was carrying. "Gr...great..." he strained out. "I'm all out of film anyway..."

"Ta-ta!" she waved and gave him a shove-off.

"WELL?" Zim asked impatiently when Tak returned inside the base.

Her disguise flickered off as she smugly held up the photo she'd selected. It was the one of her and Zim from back in the lab.

"Whoop-dee-doo, you outsmarted the human," Zim snatched the picture and unceremoniously ripped it up. "Yay, victory for Zim."

"More like victory for ME. Do you see what can be accomplished when you just listen to me?"

Zim turned around and crossed his arms. "Oh, I see, alright..."

"Oh, great," Tak rolled her eyes. "You're upset again."

"Mm-HMM!" huffed Zim.

"How did I accidentally offend the amazing Zim this time?"

"With the pictograph! And all those pictures! And the NYEHHH! Hmph!"

Tak put a hand on her hip. "You know I didn't mean any of that stuff I said, right? All that was for show; part of my utterly clever plan! There's no reason for you to feel jealous."

"What is this fixation you and the Dib have with jelly?! I don't HAVE any, okay?!"

"Just tell me what your problem is so I can help you get over it."

"You can't fix everything," Zim pouted. "There are things going on within my incredible mind that lie WAY beyond your realm of understanding!"

"I have no doubts of that," Tak said dryly. "Well, then, what can I do? Just stand here and watch you sulk?"

"If you wish. But I warn you, it's not going to be as entertaining as you expect."

Zim dragged his feet over to the couch and lay upon it. He folded his hands over his chest. Tak decided to just check back with him later.

After several hours spent down in the lab, she found Zim in the exact same position.

"This is worse than I thought," the female Irken marveled. "Enough is enough. Start talking your feelings out. Come on."

"Very well...Tak?" he began. "How did you achieve such levels of cunning?"

"Through suffering. Lots and lots of suffering." Tak frowned, thinking back on her days upon Planet Dirt.

"And all that suffering paid off?"

"I would say so."

"Is that why everything always has to go better for you? And if I just suffer some more, I shall be able to dominate the earth, finally?"

"What do you mean? Where'd that come from?"

"That's what I 'have jelly' about."

"Wait...what? THAT'S what you're jelly- -I mean, jealous about?"

"Um, YES?" Zim said like it was obvious. "What did you think it was?"

"...nothing!" Tak said in relief. Zim was still completely oblivious to the fact that Dib had a crush on her. "Well, I have both good news and bad news in response to that!"

"What's the good news?"

"I don't get EVERYTHING right, Zim! In fact, I just screwed up an experiment!"

"Oh, goodie. My ego is still intact," Zim said in relief. "What's the bad news?"

"That experiment was the bubonic plague thing, and as we speak, hundreds of rats are gnawing their way up through the floor. We have to get out of here, like, right now."

Suddenly, gross, gaping holes appeared in the tiles of the living room, and little rat snouts began poking out of them.

Tak hoisted Zim (who was too astonished to move) over her shoulder and carried him outside. Through a window, they could see GIR playing with many of the rats.

"Disgusting..." groaned Computer. "I'd better synthesize a rat poison." A spray was heard emitting through the base. "No way am I cleaning up all these dead rats, though."

Zim shuddered. "My...my base..."

"See?" Tak held him out in front of her. "You needn't be jealous of me. We're BOTH screw-ups."

* * *

(A/N: Well, that was...something. This chapter was hard to write/edit, too. So weird how my stories always end up SO different from how I originally planned. I wonder if that's a good thing? It was gonna be all complicated, and Zim was gonna be pissed at Tak for giving Dib a bunch of attention, but then I remembered that Zim isn't AWARE that Dib likes Tak, and Tak doesn't even care about Dib that much, and it was a mess. I'm that one critic who's never satisfied. With myself.

But anywho, do all the usual stuff! Review and NYEHHH!)


	7. Ode To Zim

(A/N: WARNING. I AM NOT A POET. LIKE, AT ALL. AND I CERTAINLY HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR POETS AFTER WRITING THIS.)

* * *

Ch. 7: Ode To Zim

 _Summary: Zim discovers that Tak is still into poetry, and she has written a poem about him!_

* * *

It was just another day in the life of Zim.

GIR was eating quesadillas, MiMi watched him, Minimoose was...there, and as the self-proclaimed leader among them, Zim had come up with a "genius" idea to conquer planet Earth. He was in the middle of explaining it when he noticed something.

"So after we release the porpoises, we...wait a second," Zim did a headcount. "Where's Minimoose?!"

"Right here!" GIR pointed out.

"...oh," Zim counted again. "MiMi! Where is that mistress of yours?"

MiMi shrugged.

"She can't afford to miss this meeting! I shall take it upon myself to retrieve her!" Zim dashed over to the elevator. "Minimoose, you're in charge!" And he was gone.

"...nyah!" declared Minimoose. The three robots instantly started partying.

"WHOO!" cheered GIR. "Imma break out my dancing pole!"

Meanwhile, Zim was searching the base for Tak; the lab chambers, the kitchen, the living room, until he finally checked the storage bay. There, his and Tak's ships sat side by side. Zim could've sworn he saw a shadowy figure moving behind Tak's windshield...

He lifted it up, and sure enough, there was Tak. As he did so, a few papers came spilling out.

"AH!" Tak squeaked and tried to gather them up. "What do you WANT?!"

"Just what are you doing secluded in here?!" Zim asked, irritated. "I have a presentation going on, detailing my latest plan, and you have the most important part in it all! It's your job to tell the plumbers when to commence flinging the apple butter!"

"Yeah, well- -What...? Yeah, well, I'll be there in a minute!"

"Fine!" huffed Zim, doing an about face. "Perhaps I could leave plumber duty to GIR, and give you the steamroller- -!" He noticed a sheet of paper beneath his boot.

"Ah!" he gladly picked it up. "Doing a little scheming of your own, I see! Love the productivity!"

"Hey! Wait, that's not...!"

His eyes never leaving the paper, Zim sidestepped out of Tak's reach. "What the...? These don't look like any conquest plans I've ever seen. What is this?"

"That's...a poem that I wrote," Tak admitted, sighing. "Feel free to laugh."

"You write poetry? Like that Willy Milkshakes human?"

"It's 'William Shakespeare', and yes," corrected Tak. "I wrote a poem for you when we first met, remember?"

"Oh, yeah..." Zim recalled. "Why would I laugh about this? There's nothing humorous about being a poet. I've never been interested in it myself, but to each their own."

Tak smiled slightly.

"'Roses are red, violets are blue, Earth's moon is gray, and so are you.'" Zim read aloud. "Heh? Are violets not violet?"

Tak finally snatched the paper from him. "YOU wouldn't understand it. It's for more sophisticated people." She said it more matter-of-factly than hostilely.

"Let me read another!" Feeling challenged, Zim grabbed a random paper from the pile Tak was sitting in. "'On a sunny summer day, bees buzz and children play, upon this awful ball of dirt, I hope one of them dies of pneumonia.' Hey, that one's actually pretty good! Nice ending. ANOTHER!"

He selected yet another paper.

"This one is about...ME! Zim! Intriguing!"

"Oh, criminy..." Tak's face heated up. "Don't read that out loud...!"

"A-HE-HEM! 'Zim, a loyal companion. Zim, who never gives up. Zim, who I have sought for so long, and finally have by my side. Zim, my partner, my other half, my...' Uhh, where's the rest?" He flipped the paper over multiple times. "You didn't finish? Why?! Zim was quite enjoying the praise!"

"I can't get around to finishing every single poem considering everything ELSE I have to keep up with! Like YOU!" snapped Tak.

"Well, I prohibit you from attending my meeting until you finish this one!" Zim shoved the poem in Tak's face.

"FINE!" She took it and slammed it down onto the pile and began scribbling furiously. She soon slowed to a stop.

"...well?"

"I'm THINKING!" She wrote a bit more before pausing again. "And quit staring at me! Poets need privacy!"

Zim growled and turned around. "...Tak?""

"Not finished."

"Why did you write a poem about me? Was it because of my inspiring ingenuity, or literally everything else about me?"

Tak rolled her eyes. Zim's narcissism got on her nerves sometimes. "I guess I think about you a lot...when you spend that much time thinking about something, there's got to be some way for you to express your feelings on it."

"...I spend a lot of time thinking about YOU, you know."

"Oh, yeah?" Tak tugged at her collar as she continued to write. "And how do you express your feelings?"

"Just by being me, I suppose," Zim replied proudly.

"A nuisance, you mean?"

"Yes. I mean, no! WRITE THE POEM!"

"Finished!" Tak announced. She smugly handed Zim the paper.

He held it close to his face, and as he read the lines, he actually began to blush.

"You are speechless, no?" Tak mocked Zim's speech pattern, chuckling a bit.

Zim didn't find this very funny. He turned and began exiting the room. "Hmph! It could've been better!"

"Eh," Tak trailed behind him. "I've written dozens of poems about you; not all of them are going to be masterpieces."

* * *

(A/N: Phew! Hope you didn't see that ending as too...open or anything. Not all of these are gonna be complete tales, y'know. Some of them are just gonna tell something about Zim and Tak, and some funny stuff...I try to mix it up.

...pls like and subscribe...*slowly shuffles out of the room*)


	8. Just Ask For Directions

(A/N: The 8th chapter already! I'm on FIRE! YAAAY! It BURNS!)

* * *

Ch. 8: Just Ask For Directions

 _Summary: Zim and Tak get lost on the way to a big meeting on the Massive._

* * *

"Hurry, hurry, HURRY! If we end up arriving late, I'll never forgive you!"

"Zim, calm down. We have a whole week to get there."

"But the Tallest said this meeting is URGENT!" Zim rebutted. "We practically should've been on the Massive by yesterday!"

"They only called it on ten minutes ago," Tak reminded him.

"Well, perhaps I could repair my time machine and...argh, but there's no TIME! _Unless..._ wait. NO! We'll simply have to get there the old-fashioned way! Do you have everything you need?"

Tak glanced at MiMi beside her. "I guess so."

"Alright, then!" Zim lifted up the windshield of the Voot Cruiser. "You can get in your ship and foll- -AGHH!"

Inside the Voot sat GIR, who was lying in some...less than pleasant smelling goop. The robot drunkenly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Mmmmn, HIYA, MASTER!"

"GIR, what have you done?! And what is that goo you're covered in?!"

GIR touched it. "OH! Hehe! This is goat puke! That was SOME party last night!"

"..." Zim pulled a rolled-up newspaper out of nowhere and lightly smacked GIR on the head with it. "BAD!"

"Yow..."

"Come on," Tak waved impatiently. "You can ride in my ship."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not much later, Zim, Tak, GIR and MiMi were speeding through the stars. Well, not literally THROUGH the stars, but you get it.

"Hm," Tak turned to Zim. "Should we have brought Skoodge along with us?"

"..."

"...yeah, you're right."

"You're flying too slow! AND you're 2 degrees off course!" Zim was reading off a device that tracked the Massive's movements. "If we continue on this path, we'll miss the Massive!"

"The Armada is HUGE, Zim, we're not going to miss it by being off a couple degrees."

"Those couple degrees will pile up, Tak, don't be sloppy! Besides, you're going the wrong way, let ME drive!"

Tak nudged him away. "Will you quit nagging me? I know how to navigate my own ship! And you're holding that thing upside-down!"

"EVEN- -!" Zim flipped the tracking device right side up. "Even so! The Tallest aren't supposed to know about you, remember? And when we're boarding the Massive, the pilot has to have ID and everything!"

"...fine!" Tak reluctantly passed him the controls. "But what are you planning to do AFTER we get on board? Am I supposed to hide in here by myself?"

"Don't worry about that! I thought of everything!" Keeping his eyes ahead, Zim handed her a bag.

She peered inside it. "Groucho Marx wig and glasses?"

"Yep! That's your disguise!" Zim said with pride. "Until we get off the Massive, your name is Groucho!"

"Absolutely not."

"Until you come up with a better alias, your name is Groucho!"

"Hmph."

"Hehe, they fightin'," GIR said to MiMi.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ohh...how long have we been flying?" Tak moaned tiredly.

"Um...six days?" guessed Zim. "I don't know! It's hard to judge time in space! Just be patient, Groucho!"

"I can sing the Doom Song~!" offered GIR.

"For the millionth time, NO!" snapped Zim. "Now pipe down! We should catch sight of the Armada any second now! ...now! ...nnnow! ...now! Uh..."

Tak grew concerned. "Are we lost?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! No, of course not!" Zim assured her. "Um, let me just consult the tracker again. The Armada must have changed course!"

"You mean this tracker right here?" Tak pointed at the screen.

"Yes, that's the one."

"Zim! This thing isn't locked onto the Massive's coordinates! It's tracking something called 'The Roaming Space Bunny Planet'! Look!"

After looking, Zim smacked himself in the forehead. "I must've forgotten to reset it after last week's, uh...'mission'. Y-Yeah, it was completely serious, and- -wait. This isn't MY fault!" He smacked Tak's forehead. "Why didn't you point that out sooner?!"

"I would've noticed it if you'd just let me pilot! Now we're lost!"

"We're not LOST, Groucho! We can still make it to the meeting if- -"

"Forget the meeting! We have a limited supply of fuel here! How are we supposed to get back to Earth?!"

"By following the sun, DUH! Or is it the North Star? I can never remember."

"I know! Let's follow the sound of all of humanity smacking THEIR foreheads at your stupidity!" Tak suggested sarcastically.

"Good idea!" Zim waited, listening for it. "...hmm, nothing. I'll open the window."

"No, wait- -AUGHHHHHH!" Tak screeched as the front window went up and the vacuum of space began killing everyone in the ship. "RRRRGH!" With a grunt of exertion, Tak slammed her hand down onto a button that closed the windshield back.

"...WHOO! Let's do it again!" cheered GIR, clung to MiMi.

Tak took a moment to collect herself before slapping Zim. "YOU IDIOT! You almost killed us! And there's no sound in space! Were you thinking at all?!"

"Of course I was!" lied Zim, rubbed his cheek. "I just...wanted to double check! Now, if we hurry, I'm sure we can still make it to the meeting with time to spare!"

"I said FORGET about the meeting, Zim! We are going to run out of fuel and undoubtedly DIE out here if we don't find our way back to Earth soon!"

"You're being extremely negative, Groucho."

"STOP CALLING ME GROUCHO!" screeched Tak.

Zim, GIR and MiMi stared at her in shock.

"...sorry," she sighed. "Alright. Desperate times call for desperate measures."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ask him."

"No."

"Ask him."

"No!"

"Ask that guy for DIRECTIONS."

"NO! Tak! Look at that guy!" Zim pointed at the guy. "Does he look human to you?! I doubt he's ever even heard of Earth!"

A few minutes ago, the two Irkens had spotted a small, chubby, pig-like alien sitting upon an asteroid not much larger than himself. As he idly kicked his widdle legs, he remained unaware that he was being followed.

Tak pushed Zim against the windshield. "Ask him, or you can fly YOURSELF home!"

"Whaaat?! Zim cannot fly!"

"Exactly."

After a gulp, Zim made sure everyone had helmets on and opened the front window. "Hey! Hey, you! Sad little hog-monster!"

The pig alien lifted its head. "My name is Mike. It's short for Micycle."

"Yeah, yeah," Zim said nonchalantly. "So, Steve, do you have any idea where Planet Earth is? The misses here has been bugging me about it all day."

"...'misses'? The heck..." muttered Tak.

"Uhhhhh, yeah! I know where Earth is!" replied Mike. "Can I hitch a ride?"

"Sure!" Zim let the alien hop into the ship. "As long as you get us to the Massive in a timely fashion."

Tak shot him a glare. "A-HEM!"

"I-I mean, to Earth! As long as you get us to EARTH," Zim corrected himself nervously. "AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!"

"Okay! Engage hyperdrive!" Mike did it himself. "I'll have you there in no time!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow. Earth looks a lot more lifeless than I remember!" observed Zim. "It's kinda nice!"

"BARREN!" added GIR.

The group had touched down on an eerily empty world the color of brass. As Zim had noticed, there was not one life form to be seen.

"This...is not Earth. It's the dwarf planet of Eris!" Tak furiously turned towards Mike. "You imbecile! You directed us onto Eris?! That's practically out of the galaxy! How will we have enough fuel to get back to Earth now?!"

"Hee-hee! I'm a double agent, SUCKAH!" Mike ran off, laughing maniacally.

MiMi joined her mistress in chasing the little troll around and trying to murder him.

Zim shook his head, smiling slightly. "See, this all could've been avoided if we'd just gone to the meeting! AND if you hadn't filled the Voot with some goat-beast's stomach acid, GIR."

"Hehe. 'Acid'."

"But I can't help but wonder what we missed out on..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, aboard the Massive, every Irken in existence (minus three) stood holding their breath, waiting for what was to be the most important announcement in the history of their society.

The Tallests, Red and Purple, hovered out from a behind an onstage curtain and took their place at a big podium overlooking the crowd.

Tallest Red furrowed his brow at them all. "...I hope you all know how imperative it is that you took time out of your missions to come here today. We've gathered you, the Irken race, aboard the Massive to ask ONE a question, and it is question that impacts each and every one of you."

He dramatically gestured to Tallest Purple, who held up an empty plastic cup.

"WHO ATE THE LAST PUDDING CUP?!"

* * *

(A/N: This one was easier to write than the past couple chapters! Hope y'all liked it! As usual, it started out pretty different from the final product, but I'm more and more starting to believe that's a good thing. At least when it comes to my writing.

Anywho, please review, fave, follow, check out my profile, and I shall see you in the next chapter! A toute a l'heure!)


	9. Polyamorous

(A/N: And finally, SKOODGE!)

* * *

Ch. 9: Polyamorous

 _Summary: Skoodge asks Zim and Tak if he can join their relationship, but they don't quite understand what he has in mind..._

* * *

"The CRAZY TACO has all your CRAZY TACO needs at CRAAAZY prices! Crazy GOOD prices! YOU COME HERE AND YOU DON'T GO NOWHERE ELSE! AGHHH!"

Zim scoffed at the commercial and changed the channel. "What an awful day! Nothing on this stupid TV, raining outside, and this footrest is lumpier than ever! OHH, the lumps!" He kicked it.

"YOW! I'm not a real footrest, remember, Zim?"

"HEH?" Zim leaned forward and peeked in front of the couch. "Oh, yeah. Skoodge! Your lumpage upsets me!"

"Yow!" The pudgy Irken winced as Zim's boots made contact with his head once more. "Then can I- -I mean, YOU get a break from this?"

"I do deserve one, don't I? Hm. Very well! Remove yourself from my heels!"

Skoodge crawled out from beneath Zim and rubbed his head. "You know, Zim, I've kind of been meaning to ask you something."

"Zim did not know this," The alien opened one eye. "Ask!"

"Well, actually, it has to do with Tak, too, so she should be here when I pop the question. I-I mean ASK the question."

Zim gave him an odd look, but pulled his communicator out of his PAK. "Tak! Where are you?"

"I'm down in the lab! Putting peacock guts into jars! As you do," came Tak's voice. "What do you need?"

"It's Skoodge! He wants to propose to us or something."

"What?!"

"Not propose! ASK!" Skoodge corrected, flustered.

"...I mean, he wants to ask us something," Zim repeated.

"I'll be right up," Tak said reluctantly.

Zim and Skoodge waited awkwardly for her to arrive.

"..."

"..."

"...ssso, Zim, seen any good movies lately...?"

"No...I hate movies."

"Oh..."

"...so, how was Blorch?"

"I'm here!" announced Tak, rising out of the toilet.

"It's about time!" snapped Zim. "Skoodge, hurry and pose your insignificant question!"

"Okay," Skoodge cleared his throat first. "You guys are together, right? As a couple?"

Zim and Tak looked at each other and shrugged.

"Well, I was wondering...can I join your relationship?" blurted the pudgy Irken. "Like, in a polygamous kind of way?"

Zim looked at Tak again, expecting her to have an answer.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"At first, I just wanted to be with YOU, Tak," Skoodge began rambling. "But then I figured I wouldn't have a problem if Zim was part of it too! After all, we are best buds! I'm sure we could work something out, right? Right! So, what do you say?"

"What DO you say?" Zim relied on Tak to answer again.

"I have no idea what he's talking about," Tak whispered out of the side of her mouth. "I think he's lost his mind over the fact that no one will ever date him EVER."

"UH, I can hear you, you know!" Skoodge said, offended. "You're the only one talking!"

"Riiight," Tak said, glancing back and forth. "Well, I'm afraid our relationship isn't uh, accepting new members at this time."

"Besides, it's obvious you can't 'join' our 'relationship', because, as you can see, we already have two people, and that's all there's room for," Zim went on. "Also, neither of us like you."

"Contrary to popular belief, romantic relationships don't ONLY have two people in them. Have you ever heard of polygamy?"

"What's that?" Tak said, uninterested.

"It's basically when two people invite a third to join their love club. At least, from what I've read. And I need that!" Skoodge said in desperation. "I NEED LOVE TOO!"

"The love club needs a moment to confer." Tak suddenly began heading for the kitchen.

"Ah! Hey!" Zim was yanked after her.

The two got into a huddle and Skoodge waited anxiously for them to finish talking. He held his breath when they returned.

"Skoodge, it pains us to announce that...the club's been disbanded," Tak said matter-of-factly.

"You mean you broke up?!" gasped Skoodge.

"...OW!" Zim yelped when Tak gave him a hard nudge. "O-Oh! Yes! We are so broken up! OH! The breaking! The upping! They penetrate Zim's soul!"

Skoodge gasped again and pulled Zim into a loving hug.

Zim grimaced and shoved him off. "ANYWAY, there's no club for you to join anymore."

"Indeed," snickered Tak, who found the hug amusing. "Too bad, so sad!"

"Go wallow in self-pity elsewhere!" Zim commanded angrily.

"I'm not sad for myself, I'm sad for you two!" cried Skoodge. "You were so beautiful together! You were slowly becoming my OTP, and potential OT3!"

"'OTP'? 'OT3'? What is this nonsense? And just how much time have you been spending on the Earth interwebs?!" Zim asked, flabbergasted.

"AND what is it with everyone in this house thinking we're so beautiful together? We're not THAT beautiful," added Tak.

"Well..." Zim considered arguing against that until he remembered the plan. "But! Doesn't matter! We're dissolved now, and though the pain of this ordeal is CRUSHING us like the backside of a mighty Slorbees, we must move on. And you should as well!"

"Okay," Skoodge wiped his tears. "I can wait. I can wait for love. I can wait until one of you wants the other back so you pretend to date me to make the other jealous, but I ending up becoming your rebound crush, so then when the other person DOES get jealous, it turns into this whole dram-AHHHHH!"

Tak had flung Skoodge down the trash can.

She wiped his germs off her hands. "Finally put an end to his rambling. That was BIZARRE."

"That love club thing wasn't a bad idea, though!" Zim said excitedly. "We should form a kickstarter to get it back!"

"Fine...but OUR love club is going to be dreadfully exclusive."

* * *

(A/N: I...don't have anything to say. Just...wow, I can't believe I got this done.

Hey, does anyone miss Dib? Of course not! But either way, he's in the next chapter. And so is Gaz, surprisingly! These one-shots are becoming less and less mushy as they go on...good? I'm still trying to find that balance.

me: *says I don't have anything to say* *types a whole paragraph*

As usual, please review, fave, follow, check out my profile, and I shall see you in the next chapter! Cherry bye!)


	10. Intuition

(A/N: Fun fact! These chapters don't have finalized names until AFTER they're finished. And in the documents, they are all referred to by the title "Aliens in love", followed by the chapter number. The only reason I do this is so they are listed first, and I don't forget to work on them, heh-heh

Lemme get on with the dang story already!)

* * *

Ch. 10: Intuition

 _Summary: Watching the two at lunch, Dib asks Gaz how she's so sure Zim and Tak are an item._

* * *

"Mothman's log, day...36? Maybe? I've been watching the aliens every day for WEEKS now. That's right. Two dangerous, extraterrestrial beings have set their sights on our planet. And worse yet, I'm 99.99999- -NO, _100%_ sure they're working together! Who knows what- -HEY!"

Dib stared aghast as his tape recorder sank into a puddle of toxic chocolate milk. Then he shifted his gaze to the girl who'd knocked it out of his hand.

"Gaz! What'd you do that for? That was my only tape recorder, and I was about to go out on a theory tangent!"

Beside him, Gaz shrugged. "I saw the opportunity and I went for it."

Dib groaned and slumped in his seat. "Sometimes I wish you took what I do more seriously. When it comes to aliens, you never know what's going on in their gross heads!" He was glaring at Zim and Tak, who were sitting together several tables away, as he said this. "They don't think the way we do. That's why we've gotta be prepared! And when you wake up set solid with a probe in your brain, you'll be sorry you didn't listen to big brother!"

"I think I'll be more sorry if I DO listen..." mumbled Gaz.

"Allow me to enlighten you. Just look at those two!" Dib pointed at Zim and Tak, chatting away. "They must be plotting against us right now! But WHAT?"

Gaz took a quick look at the aliens. "...you're wrong."

"What?"

"I said you're wrong. As usual. Look again," Gaz pointed this time. "They're not plotting anything, they're flirting."

"Flirting?" Dib pronounced the word like it hurt his throat to do so.

He looked again. Zim was smirking and saying something to Tak that the Membrane siblings were too far away to hear. Tak was rolling her eyes in annoyance, but she was sort of smiling too.

"Th-That's ridiculous!" Dib argued, though he was happy Gaz seemed to be getting invested in discussing aliens with him. (even if it was only to prove him wrong) "Why on Earth would those two be flirting?"

"Because they must be in love, genius," Gaz deadpanned.

"...A-HA-HA. HA HA HA," Dib forced out. "N-Now I see why Dad calls you his funny child!"

"Fake laugh all you want. Do you have any idea how many dumb teenybopper movies I've sat through to see ONE Vampire Piggy Hunter commercial? How many stupid lovey-dovey learning videos I've had to watch in Mr. Elliot's class? I know how people like...THAT act."

Dib was shocked by his sister's words. He'd been certain Zim and Tak had teamed up for a while now, but he'd thought of either of them to be capable of romance. Especially not with each other!

"S-So, what ELSE have you noticed, Gaz? If you're so perceptive when it comes to this stuff!"

"I've noticed that you're still crushing on Tak pretty hard."

"Listen, there's a time and a place for jokes- -"

"Remember what I said? I KNOW. Plus, I saw all those photos of her in your room."

"You WHAT?!"

"'You whaaat?! Oh noooo!'" Gaz mocked Dib in a nasally voice.

Dib huffed and tried to get back on topic. "Oh, yeah? Let's see if you're as good at this as you claim to be!"

Gaz sighed. "Lay it on me."

"What can you tell from what those aliens are doing right now? What are they thinking?"

Gaz looked at the pair again. Zim had just said something and was starting to laugh maniacally. When he got a bit too loud, Tak hastily shushed him by putting a hand over his mouth. Zim sat back down, but he still seemed quite giddy.

"Wow."

"Wow what?"

"It's even more serious than I thought. Those looks in their eyes? That's some real love right there. Gross."

"...quit messing around, Gaz. You don't know what you're talking about."

"If you don't believe me, go over there and ASK them if they're sucking face."

"N...No! They wouldn't tell me, anyway! Even Zim's not THAT loquacious, at least not when it comes to his personal affairs."

"'Loquacious'?"

"...it means he's a blabbermouth. It was on my word-a-day calendar!"

"You'd be surprised. Anyway, if you won't ask, I will." Gaz stood up.

"Wait! Gaz...!" But Dib was too late.

As soon as Gaz got to Zim and Tak's table, she started talking and the two aliens glanced back at Dib. The boy reddened and looked away from them.

A few seconds later, Gaz returned. Wordlessly, she sat down and started drinking from a juice box.

"...WELL?" Dib asked impatiently.

"Well what?"

"Are they together or not?!"

"Oh, that. Hmm. I don't think I wanna tell you. I'm just gonna sit back and let the uncertainty drive you more crazy."

"But! You can't just...!" Dib paused, and began to smirk. "Ohhhh, wait. I get it. You were WRONG!"

Gaz raised an eyebrow.

"You were WRONG about them, and now you don't want to admit it!" he declared smugly. "Never make claims you can't back up, Gaz! That's a lesson people fail to learn all too often!"

"And that's denial if I've ever heard it," muttered Gaz.

Dib let out a sigh. "You just can't let me have anything, can you?"

"Nope."

Across the cafeteria, Zim and Tak were a bit perplexed.

"Why do you think Dib's little sister asked us that?" Tak wondered.

"I just KNOW that Dib put her up to it! You saw the guilt in his face! That splotchy, red guilt!" accused Zim. "He's really stooped low, using his creepy sister to gather information about us!"

"Yet you seemed so proud while you answered her? 'Of course! Who else on this dirt ball would be fit for the amazing ZIM?' That was a bit much in my opinion."

"I was just being honest," shrugged Zim, grinning.

Tak rolled her eyes, but she was sort of smiling too.

* * *

(A/N: Too mush, or not too mush? That is the question

Anyway, uhhhh please review, fave, follow, check out my profile, and I shall see you in the next chapter. Ciao bella!)


	11. An Intruder!

(A/N: Dib's in this chapter too! I apologize in advance!)

* * *

Ch. 11: An Intruder!

 _Summary: During one of his "schemes", Zim once again finds Dib snooping around in his base. He captures him, and along with Tak, tries to sort things out._

* * *

Zim sat down in his lab, scrabbling away on his computer. He hit one last key, then sat back in satisfaction.

"Ah, this should do it. Finally, I shall unravel the secret of this 'cereal box puzzle' and win the prize!" He pulled a cereal box out of nowhere. "YA HEAR ME?! YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM ZIM FOR MUCH LONGER, COUNT COCOFANG!"

"INTRUDER ALERT!" boomed Computer. "THERE IS AN INTRUDER IN THE LAB!"

"An intruder?!" Zim looked around frantically. "Where?! Where's the intruder?!"

"Right behind you."

Zim turned in his chair to see Dib attempting to hide behind Minimoose.

"No! No one's here!" the human protested.

Zim smacked himself in the forehead. "Computer, get him."

A pair of robot arms descended from the ceiling and yanked Dib away from Minimoose, who only squeaked and drifted away. One of the arms stuffed Dib into a sack that the other was holding and tightened the opening around his neck, only his head left sticking out. Dib fell to the floor as the robot arms retreated into the ceiling.

"ECHH!" Dib spat as he landed with a squish. "What's IN this thing?!"

"Ketchup sandwiches," Zim replied. "GIR makes a LOT, and, well, I have to put 'em somewhere. But that aside! COMPUTER! Why did you not inform me sooner that there was an intruder in the base?! You are to notify me the SECOND anyone steps past the fence!"

"I didn't feel like it," said Computer. "OR he found a different way into the lab."

"Impossible! My base's security is impregnable! And we're nearly a mile underground! There's no way he could've found another entrance."

"As a matter of fact, I DID!" Dib cut in.

"You did?! ...tell me!"

"Nah, I don't want to."

"RRRR!" Zim stomped over to the boy. "You TELL me how you got in! I will NOT hesitate to- -!"

"ZIM!" Tak's voice came echoing from down a hallway. "Are you still working on that bloody puzzle thing?! Zim?!"

Zim grew nervous as Tak approached. She looked at Dib, then at Zim, then back at Dib.

"Oh, I didn't realize you had company," she murmured.

Zim let out a laugh that sounded like a suppressed scream.

The female Irken crossed her arms. "I thought I made it clear that there were to be no more human test subjects down here? You have quite enough, and cleaning up after those ones is already a chore."

"T-Tak!" Zim's voice cracked as Dib gave him a look. "Please, don't embarrass me in front of the human! I was just in the middle of intimidating him! Besides, he's here of his own volition!"

Tak shook her head, then bent down over Dib's face. "So, human, what brings you by?"

"I just came to see if Zim was doing anything worth my time!" Dib answered bitterly. "But all he's been doing for the past half hour is trying to solve some dumb puzzle on the back of a box of Coco-'Splodies."

"Ha!" Tak joined him on the floor. "I know, right? It's ridiculous."

Zim scoffed in disbelief. "Dumb?! Ridiculous?! I'll have you know that Count Cocofang has promised the codebreaker his recipe for mind control brownies, resources limited, results may VARY!" He read angrily from the box. "And when I decipher it, _I_ shall have the fudgy secrets for myself! I've even come up with a theorem on how to do so!" He gestured toward the complicated equation he'd typed on the computer screen.

"It's just a stupid word scramble. Unscramble the letters!" instructed Tak.

"I got stuck on this one!" Zim admitted. He pointed to the jumble of letters 'FNAG'.

"...it's supposed to be 'fang'."

"Ooh!" Zim quickly filled in the boxes. "I'm so close!"

"A-HEM!" Dib uttered loudly. "I think you forgot about me!"

"I have more pressing matters to attend to than a little earthworm like you sneaking in!" snapped Zim. "Count Cocofang, now THERE'S a true adversary!"

Tak shoved Dib onto his side and sat on the sack. "Okay, if I help you finish the puzzle, will you quit obsessing over this and get back to actually living your life?"

"AFTER you help me make the brownie things!"

"Fine. I promise," Tak patted the space next to her. "Sit here, it's comfy. What's in this sack, anyway?"

"Ketchup sandwiches, had to put 'em somewhere," Zim sat beside her.

"Oww..." Dib whined under their combined weight. "You couldn't sit on any of the MANY chairs around this room?"

"SILENCE!" Zim dug his heels into the sack. "Descramblifying puzzles of this difficulty requires concentration! And I don't need your grating, preadolescent voice disrupting mine!"

"Hey!"

"Oh, give me those!" Tak took the cereal box and pen out of Zim's hands and instantly began jotting down letters.

Zim and Dib watched her in quiet anticipation.

"There, okay?" Tak showed her work.

Zim skimmed over the boxes. "Correct, correct, correct...these are all correct! Tak, you did it! I just KNEW my genius was rubbing off on you!"

"YOUR genius? You only filled out two of these things before you got stuck!"

"Don't worry, we can split the credit at a 60/40 maximum!"

"Gosh, so generous," Tak said sarcastically.

Zim smugly wrapped an arm around her. "I know. I love that about me too."

"Ughh, none of this in front of me, please," groaned Dib.

Zim was about to hiss a comeback, but stopped himself to smirk. He had an idea. "IF I do as you say, will you tell me how you managed to get past my defenses, hmmm?"

"No way!"

Zim suddenly kissed Tak right on the mouth.

"Z-Zim!" she stammered. "You just- -"

"SH!" he shushed her.

"Oh, geez!" Dib tightly shut his eyes, and pressed his reddened face against the floor. "Wh-Whatever! You can't force me to watch your alien love fest!"

"MMMMN perhaps not, but I know for a fact that you are unable to shut your ears!" Zim yelled unnecessarily. "Tak, I'm about to go into excruciating detail about every single thing I like about you. Ready?"

"ALRIGHT!" Dib blurted out as Zim took his starting breath. "I'll tell you how I got in here, just PLEASE end this!"

"Excellent!" Zim slid off of the sack and knelt before Dib. "Dispense your beans at once, human!"

Dib sighed in defeat. "There's a storm drain in this very neighborhood that leads right into the main sewer system. The biggest sewer pipe down there flows into the plumbing of this lab."

"VICTORYYY!" cheered Zim.

He tugged Dib out from beneath Tak and dragged him over to a chute that was hanging from the ceiling.

"Farewell, Dib-sack!" he cackled, pressing a button on the wall.

Dib was sucked up the chute and seconds later, he came flying out of a trash can outside. He managed to wiggle out of the sack.

"Oh, man...well, that didn't go quite as smoothly as I planned. Stupid Count Cocofang. Every day, I risk my life defending this world, and this is what I have to- -hey!"

Dib looked down and saw a little brown bat licking his hand, which was still covered in ketchup from the sack. He swatted it away.

"Weird. I thought bats were nocturnal. What's this one doing out in the daylight? Hey!" He flinched when the bat came back and tried to bite him. "Cut that out! This isn't blood, it's just ketchup!"

Suddenly, more bats appeared, and they all wanted a piece of Dib.

"Get away, get away!" he cried. "You should all be asleep!"

"WE ARE THE CHOCOLATE CLOUD, COUNT COCOFANG'S ELITE GROUP OF BAT MINIONS!" the bats spoke as one while Dib looked on in shock. "YOU HAVE TAKEN THE NAME OF COCOFANG IN VAIN, AND THUS, HAVE DISRESPECTED HIM! WE SHALL NOW DEVOUR YOUR FLESH AND LEAVE YOUR BRAIN FOR THE BUZZARDS!"

"But I NEED my flesh! AHHHHH!" Dib ran for his life down the street, screaming for help.

Back in the lab, Zim was quite proud of himself. (more so than usual)

"Two major accomplishments of the day! I- -I mean, WE solved the puzzle, and I discovered yet ANOTHER way to keep that pesky human boy out of my base! Of course, I can have Computer cut off the plumbing instantl...what?"

Tak was staring at Zim longingly before she slapped herself out of it. "What? Nothing! Let's mail in that puzzle, shall we?"

The two Irkens took all the standard procedures to mail it, and four to six weeks later, Zim snatched the brownie recipe out of the mailman's hands.

With Tak's reluctant assistance, the brownies turned out a little burnt, but still edible.

"SUCCESS!" Zim pulled them out of the oven. He set them down on the kitchen table, then turned to Tak for a monologue. "Ahahaha! When I give these out at Skool, the humans will all become mindless slaves for me to command!"

"Uh, Zim?" Tak tapped him on the shoulder.

"And with those slaves, I will construct a giant underground brownie factory, and sell my wares in the shady parts of the city until I have earned enough money to BUY the recipe from Count Cocofang and manufacture/distribute them legally!"

"Zim," Tak tapped him again.

"And with the army of brownie consumers beneath me, I shall finally conquer Earth! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- -"

Tak shook him. "Zim!"

"TAK, you're extremely touchy today!"

"Look!" she pointed behind him.

Zim gasped in astonishment. "GIR! What have you done?!"

"I ate all the cow patties!" GIR proclaimed, sitting next to an empty tray on the table. "You prouda meee?"

"It's alright," Tak comforted. "We can just make more."

"Ooh! After-dinner mint!" GIR picked up the recipe and devoured it.

"Never mind."

"GIR, DO YOU NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF 'RESOURCES LIMITED'?!"

* * *

(A/N: Wow, that was long.

Well, I hope you got some enjoyment out of it! Thought it was passable? Review, fave and/or follow if you did! And don't forget to check out more of my stories on my profile!

See y'all!)


	12. Incoming Transmission

(A/N: **FUN FACT!** Jhonen Vasquez has confirmed via his tumblr that Irkens do not have romantic (or even friendly, really) feelings towards each other! Of course, that won't deter us fanfic writers, but I actually thought that was an interesting idea! I know it sounds paradoxical, but that info only made me MORE interested in Irken romance, non-existent as it is!

So here's my little story about it! Sorry it's not as silly as most of the others, but it's kind of a heavier topic after all, and I promise the upcoming chapters have silliness out the wazoo)

* * *

Ch. 12: Incoming Transmission

 _Summary: A call from the Tallest bears eye-opening news for Zim and Tak._

* * *

"Ahem. Master? Master."

"Heh?! What is it, Computer?"

"I just think you should know that you've been at that monitor for ten days."

"Ten days, you say? ...that's not more than an Earth week, is it?"

Computer sighed. "Yes. It is. What are you doing there, anyway?"

"This is the time of the millennia that the Horsehead Nebula collides with the meteor shower that orbits Planet Zaltolva and shields it! But this time, it's gone off course, AS my calculations predicted, and now the meteors are bouncing off in all directions, destroying everything in their path! It's been quite entertaining!"

"Whatever; I don't know why I asked. By the way, you've got a visitor."

"Hm?" Zim did a 180 in his chair and saw Tak impatiently standing in the elevator. "Ah, Tak! What brings you here?"

"Uh, the fact that you've isolated yourself down here for ten days all to stare at silly space fireworks?" she replied.

An almost uncontrollable smile graced Zim's features as he pointed at a spot on the floor next to his chair. "Sit here, sit here! See it for yourself!"

Tak did so. As she watched the explosions with Zim, she noticed that he kept looking over at her, still grinning. It sort of weirded her out, but she couldn't blame him. He hadn't seen or spoken to anyone in over a week. At least Tak had school to occupy her.

"What's been happening at Skool?" Zim asked as though he'd read her mind. "Anything important? Has anyone inquired about my absence?"

Tak shook her head. "Not much to report. But a few days ago, Ms. Bitters started asking why you were absent, and I came up with some fun excuses for you."

"Like what?"

"Well, on Wednesday, I told her you were hiding from the Mafia. On Thursday, I told her you were visiting your nana in Greenland who had scurvy, and on Friday, I told her you were off fighting in World War LXXX."

"Wow!" Zim hung over the arm of the chair. "I don't know what half of those things are, but they sure sound amusing! I almost wish I was there to see that! Almost."

Tak scooted closer. "It wasn't so bad, but...I missed you."

A warm sensation arose in Zim. His face was practically touching Tak's when...

"INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM THE MASSIVE," blared Computer.

"I-It's the Tallest calling!" Zim sat straight in his chair. "Quick, hide!"

Tak picked herself up and fled out of sight just as the transmission got through.

"There you are! Zim!" growled Tallest Purple. He appeared a bit roughed up. "We're just calling to let you know that we HATE the 'giraffe' you sent as a 'tribute to our tallness', and we'd prefer it if- -"

"Who are you talking to?! Is it Zim?! I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind...!" Tallest Red's voice came from just offscreen. He angrily slid into view, looking pretty shabby as well. "Listen, Zim! Your giraffe monster devoured half our snack supply and took a 50-man animal control troop to subdue! I am directly ordering you NOT to send us any more gifts! Are we clear?"

Zim was too busy thinking about Tak to do anything but stare blankly at the screen.

"...Zim! Are we clear?!" Red said again. "No more gifts!"

"Huh...? Uh, y-yes!" Zim saluted clumsily. "Crystal clear, my Tallest! No more gifts! Hehehehe..."

"What's wrong with you?" Purple shut an eye. "You know, other than what's usually wrong with you."

"Yeah, you seem kind of...mushy," Red observed.

Zim instantly straightened up at his leaders' words.

"That's better," nodded Red. He zoomed off elsewhere, but Purple stayed behind, unconvinced.

"My Tallest...can I ask you a personal question?"

"Even if I say no, you're go- -"

"Have you ever been in love?"

"IN LOVE?" the entire crew of the Massive cried out.

"Th-That's what I said, yes!" Zim clarified nervously.

"In love? ...oh yeahhh, romance, smooching, etcetera. Listen, Zim, Irkens don't really do all...THAT stuff. Ever," explained Tallest Purple. "I mean, me, one of the Almighty Tallest, with another Irken? Imagine how whackadoodled up that would be! Actually, no. DON'T imagine that. It's just not a part of society here in the empire...which leads me to wonder, why did you ask that?"

"Uhhhmmm..."

"OH SWEET MERCIFUL CUPCAKES! It licked me! IT LICKED MEEE!" someone screeched in the background.

"Whoops! Looks like another poor soul's gotta be quarantined! Can't miss that! Later, Zim!" Purple signaled a technician to cut the transmission, and it was cut.

Zim kept on staring at the monitor as though Tallest Purple was still levitating in front of him. After a few seconds, he sat back and continued watching the meteors' destruction.

"Zim...?" Tak emerged from the shadows. "I can't believe what I just heard!"

"Wha-wha-wha-wha?"

"I heard the Tallest expla- -"

"INTERESTING TRIVIA!" Zim interrupted, sweating immensely. "D-Did you know that this planet has just gained a quasi moon? Now Earth has a little mini-moon for Minimoose to have! Isn't that nice?!"

"Yes? But that wasn't what I was talking about," Tak said stubbornly.

"Oh, you're done talking?! Okay, then, goodbye!"

Tak tried walking around the chair to get to Zim, but he kept turning it slightly away from her. "Quit trying to avoid the subject! We both heard what the Tallest said!"

"Whatever do you mean?! The Tallest only called to thank me for that giraffe I sent them, and NOTHING else!"

"No, I heard what he said about love, and it's important. How could we have such feelings for each other if that's not how Irkens work?"

"...I 'UNNO!"

"Why would our PAKs enable us to feel a way weren't meant to?" Tak said in deep thought. She gasped. "Do you think that means we're...defecti...?" she trailed off when she saw the look on Zim's face. He looked like he might cry.

He whipped around in the chair again. "OKAY, FINE! I-I guess we're not really in the love, then!"

"Zim! How could you say that?"

"That's the only explanation that makes sense!"

Tak grabbed ahold of the chair and forced Zim to look into her eyes. "You're lying, and you know it."

Zim slowly nodded in shame and eyed the floor. He finally had to face the fact that he might be...

"Gifted."

"Heh?" He looked up at Tak.

"Think about it. We've been able to achieve something no Irken has achieved before! Ever! When the Control Brains crafted our PAKs, they must've had something great planned," Tak said with pride. "Don't you see, Zim? We are the start of an era! The first two Irkens to fall in love with each other! Isn't that amazing?"

"...that IS amazing!" Zim finally grinned. "Ha! Now it all makes sense! We were always destined to be superior!"

"That's the spirit!"

"I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner!"

"Well, when I think of you, perception skills aren't the first thing to come to mind."

"What IS the first thing that comes to your mind? Is it good?"

Tak chuckled slightly. "You just proved my point."

The warm feeling was filling Zim again when...

"Zim buddy? You still watchin' the- -WOW, hey, are you guys gonna kiss?!"

"SKOODGE! YOU RUINED THE MOMENT!"

* * *

(A/N: Boy, oh, boy, oy kalloy, that was another hard one! I hope y'all liked it! Please review, fave and follow if you did! Don't forget to check out my profile for more stories, and I shall see you next time!

Arrivederci!)


	13. Rom-Com

(A/N: Hi-ho! This is Editor-Bug here, with yet another chapter of your favorite cheesy fanfic! Just so you know, the romantic comedy used in this chapter is MADE UP and if it sounds like some other romantic comedy you've seen (which I doubt, but regardless), it's unintentionally similar! I've actually never seen a romantic comedy film before. I should really stop trying to write surrounding things I know I nothing about, before it gets out of hand. MERP.

Onto the story!)

* * *

Ch. 13: Rom-Com

 _Summary: Zim and Tak watch a romantic comedy. What fun!_

* * *

"GIR, you realize we're on the same side, right? 'Team Death To Humanity' and all that, remember?"

"Ye-ye-ye-ye-yeah!"

"Then why do you do these things to me?"

"Shhhhhh-shh-sh," GIR slowly put a metal finger to Zim's mouth, then snatched it back. "It's startiiiing!"

The title of the film, "Welp. What're You Gonna Do?", popped up in big doopy letters. Zim braced himself for what he was about to endure. He would've made a move to escape, but GIR had a vice grip on his tunic. No way out now...

Aaand GIR was asleep. Not that Zim could blame him. The opening scene of the movie was just lame music playing as some guy was having coffee with his female friend. The man kept staring at another lady across the cafe. Zim would've fallen asleep too if he didn't find the very idea of sleep disgusting.

"Well, I suppose I should turn this off now," He plucked his tunic out of GIR's grip. "I have better things to do than- -wait, what's happening? What is that pasty oaf doing?! He's asking her to go out with him ALREADY?! No, NO, too soon, too soon! NO, YOU FOOL!"

XXXXXXXABOUTHALFANHOURLATERXXXXXXX

"That's right, get her...get her a cactus, she'll like that...then that blind woman will finally see you were meant to beee..."

"What are you doing?"

"AH!"

Tak had suddenly appeared in the kitchen doorway. She peered over at the screen. "Watching a movie? What's it about?"

"UHHH," Zim scrambled for the remote and hit pause. "I-I mean, I wouldn't know! It-It's not like I was WATCHING it or anything! I just came in here and saw it after GIR was the one watching, not me! So I was just sitting here laughing at how pitifully STUPID it was, that's it! Not getting invested in it at all, NO! Besides, I was just about to turn it off, ehehe."

"..." Tak spotted the DVD case on the floor. "A romantic...comedy? You know, that actually sounds interesting."

"Doesn't it?! I mean, I wouldn't know. Because I wasn't really watching it."

"Sure it does," lied Tak. She didn't really think the movie sounded interesting, she just didn't want Zim to feel embarrassed for liking it. "I could watch it with you if you want. After all, it could help us learn how to blend in with human couples if we go to...a cotillion or something."

In his excitement, Zim dropped the excuse he'd just made up and booted the snoring GIR off the couch. He patted the cushion beside him.

Tak settled into the seat. "So, bring me up to speed."

"This human here, with the dumb-looking face, his name is Tim! And he's in pursuit of that lady there, Lilith! I think that's her name, at least. He's trying to find a gift that will finally make her realize they were MEANT TO- -"

"Who's that girl behind him?"

"Heh? Oh. That's Deborah, or whatever. She's just Tim's whiny friend!"

"Do you think she likes him?"

"Who? Tim?!"

"Yes."

"SHE BETTER NOT! TIM is supposed to be with LILITH! That's how it's supposed to WORK!"

"I only thought that because she seems pretty upset about Tim trying to get with Lilith. Maybe she wishes Tim liked her like he likes Lilith. Just speculation."

"Ech. I'm afraid all this talk about humans 'liking' each other is making my innards act up..."

"Well, then, get a bucket ready, because there's about 2 more hours to this film."

Tim turned to his friend. "You really think Lilith will like this cactus? I want her to think I'm swell!"

"Tim, my friend, trust me. She's gonna love the cactus, and then she'll love YOU," the young woman replied in an insincere tone.

Reassured, Tim grinned and turned back to the counter. "Excuse me! How much does this cactus cost?"

"$1500," said the clerk.

All the color drained out of Tim's face. He shook himself out of the stupor. "Welp. What're you gonna do?"

He emptied his pockets.

XXXXXXMUCHLATERXXXXXXX

"Just admit it, Zim."

"NoooOOO."

"Face the facts."

"I will not. I refuse."

"Accept it! Debbie likes Tim!"

"NO! She can't! Because Zi- -eh, I mean, TIM likes Lilith! It's THEM who are going to," Zim made a few kissing noises. "by the end of the movie! Deborah- -"

"Debbie."

"Whatever! Might as well not be here!"

"Well, let's see what happens. This looks like a big scene coming up, huh?"

"Yes! Tim is finally going to ask Lilith to be his eternal love-pig! That fool better have liked the cactus!"

With Debbie at his side, Tim made his way to Lilith's driveway.

"This is it, Debbie; I'm finally gonna ask Lilith to be my girl. Pep talk me real quick before I go in."

"...Tim, I can't do it anymore!" Debbie blurted out.

"Wh-What?"

"Lilith isn't the one for you! Don't you see?! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"What?!" cried Tim.

"WHAT?!" cried Zim. "I'LL DESTROY HER!"

"Called it. Also, for a movie that's supposed to be half comedy, this is pretty dramatic," Tak pointed out.

"Eh, I think they just put that on the cover to lure humans into- -d-DON'T distract me from the issues! If some idiotic girl like her was in love with me, I would make her PAY! WITH INTEREST!"

"Shush, let's wait and see what he does."

"Wowzers," Tim began to blush. "I-I can't believe I never noticed you had feelings for me."

"Destroy her already!" Zim said angrily. Tak silenced him again.

"I always have! From the first day we met!" Debbie exclaimed as Zim pulled his lower eyelids practically down to his waist.

"...Debbie?"

"What?"

Then IT happened. Tim grabbed Debbie by the shoulders, pulled her in and started...trying to eat her face off. At least, that's what it looked like he was doing.

Zim began screaming in horror. Tak remained silent. For about a minute before that point, she'd just been smiling to herself, pleased with her prediction's accuracy. But THIS...this was just horrifying. She knew that kissing was something humans did, but she had no idea they reached face-devouring levels of intimacy! And judging by the fact that Zim was still screaming, he didn't either.

Suddenly, Lilith burst out of her house. "Tim! What are you doing?!"

"L-Lilith!" Tim jumped slightly. "Listen, I was just- -"

"Tim, you can't be with Debbie!"

"Why not?"

"Because that cactus you sent me made me realize...I LOVE YOU!"

Zim wasn't even able to celebrate his small victory before Lilith began trying to eat Tim's face, even more forcefully than he'd been snacking on Debbie's, who was looking on in disbelief.

"Oh, Tim! How could you?!" she sobbed.

"What did I do?!" Tim asked, confused.

"Well, Tim! Looks like you're just going to have to choose who you really want!" Lilith decided. "Me, or her!"

"Umm...well, uh...! I want you both!"

Debbie and Lilith squealed with joy and began sharing Tim's face. After a few seconds of this, Tim pushed them away slightly, looked into the camera and shrugged, saying "Welp. What're you gonna do?" The face-eating contest resumed.

Zim and Tak screamed screams that only dogs could hear.

The former made a quite impressive leap across the living room and literally tore the DVD out of the TV set. When he realized he was touching it, he dropped it to the floor.

"Get it, get it, get it!" The latter shrieked like the DVD was a mouse in a kitchen.

Without thinking, Zim stepped on it, and it split in half. After a few stomps, Tak joined him in stamping the disk to dust.

When the deed was done, they flopped onto their backs and took a good long rest staring at the ceiling.

Zim panted a bit more, then smiled over at Tak. "That's the first time we've ever destroyed something together. I guess that horribly grotesque movie brought us closer after all."

"What incredible irony..." Tak croaked out. "And I don't care if I'm using that term correctly..."

In his sleep, GIR inhaled the pile of dust that used to be the DVD. He coughed a bit. "Mmm...dusty...zzz..."

XXXXXXXEXTRABITXXXXXXX

The next day was an average Monday at Skool. Zim and Tak were trying their hardest not to think about the rom-com as they handed in their reports on the pros and (mostly) cons of communism.

"Old Kid!" barked Ms. Bitters. "Don't you have your report?"

"My cousin ate it," the wrinkly child replied.

"Huh! Well, your little report-eating cousin just cost you your grade for this quarter. And every quarter after this, for infinity!"

Old Kid shrugged. "Welp. What're you gonna do?"

Zim and Tak screamed bloody murder.

* * *

(A/N: Wow, that took forever. I've been playing Pokemon Go and taking driving classes recently, so SORRY, but I don't spend as much time on this site as before! Still more to come, though! I ain't leaving you guys!

Please, review, fave, follow and check out my profile for more! Don't forget to point out any errors!

See you next time!)


	14. Approval

(A/N: It's-a me! Editor-Bug! Here comes the 14th chapter! It's more of a fun one for sure. Quick reply!

 **Toxic goo:** Thanks! Looking back, I do like "Tak Is Back" overall, but it to me feels like a bunch of really good moments with mediocrity in between. I'm trying for consistency with this story. Then again, that was my first fanfic and I made it up as I went along, so that's to be expected. It's been almost 2 years since I finished that story, so I'd like to hope my writing's improved since then. Thanks again for telling me that!

With that out of the way, I hope you all enjoy the chapter!)

* * *

Ch. 14: Approval

 _Summary: Zim's roboparents disapprove of his relationship with Tak and ban it._

* * *

 _SLAM!_

"Welcome home, so- -!"

"NOT NOW!"

The roboparents were roughly shoved back into their doors.

"Oh, dear..." fretted the robot mother. "It appears our son is in one of his moods."

Tak came stomping in behind Zim and closed the door. The two disguised aliens were covered in mud.

"Every time I ask this, I end up regretting it, but...why, oh, WHY didn't you just listen to me?"

"No no no no no no no no no! Don't turn this around on me!" Zim said defensively. "You KNOW those awful children were the ones at fault!"

Tak pinched the bridge of her nose.

"We're taller than them! They should've known we were their superiors!" Zim went on.

Tak slowly opened her eyes.

"Those 'mud pies' were so much more effective than they looked!"

Tak took aim.

"Besides, I wasn't the one who built the- -!" A glob of mud hit Zim right between his eyes.

"I WARNED YOU, ZIM. I warned you a kajillion bamillion times that we were to test the mobility of the Arthro Pod and immediately come back home, no questions asked. But NO. You had to pick a fight with some pre-schoolers!"

Zim scoffed noisily and wiped the mud from his face. "They were in the way! It was my right, nay, my DUTY to stick it in them! It's not like we could've walked over them!"

"YES! We could have! But you decided 'sticking it in' some 4-year olds was more important! And by the way, it's 'stick it TO'! 'TO'! Not 'in'!"

"That's an inconsequential detail! We had nothing to lose!"

"UH, we lost the Arthro Pod! No doubt would we have conquered the planet if we'd just taken the necessary procedures to test it! But with all that guck in the circuitry, there's no WAY I'd be able to get it running again! Zim, you've really- -!"

"That's quite enough!"

Tak turned to see who'd just interrupted. The roboparents stood behind her with their arms crossed looking rather livid.

"What do you mechanical blokes want?"

"So! It's YOU who's been upsetting our boy!" accused the robodad.

"You expect me not to call out your boy when he's being a total moron?" Tak shot back.

"It's because of you that our Zimmy's been so unhappy!" the robomom hissed. "As his parents, we hereby forbid you from seeing him, speaking to him, touching him, tasting him, smelling him or thinking about him!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Zim cut in. "This is nothing to get parental about! We argue like this all the time!"

"No wonder you're such a sour patch kid!" The robodad pinched Zim's cheek. "This girl is making you miserable! She's no good for you!"

"HEY!" Tak yelped as the robomom scooped her up.

She was whisked into the kitchen and forcefully stuffed in the fridge. The robomom proceeded to nail some boards (along with a sandwich or two) over the fridge door.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Zim exclaimed furiously. "ZIM IS YOUR MASTER! YOUR CREATOR! You have no jurisdiction over who I can and can't be romantically involved with! You've really crossed a line this time! That fridge is for food only!"

"Oh, hon," waved the mother. "You know you can do so much better! Why, that girl didn't even use 2-ply toilet paper."

"Your mother's riiight! Forget about that girl!" The father grabbed the front door and ripped it clean off. He wheeled out the doorway shouting, "It's time for you to get back in the saddle, cowboy!"

"Wait, come back! MY DOOR!" cried Zim. "Also, what was that last part...?"

The robomom giggled. "We're going to find you a suitable replacement girlfriend!"

"But I don't want one! Especially not a human! I demand you get Tak out of the fridge NOW!"

"Temper, temper!" The mother wagged her finger. "Don't make me sit you in the shame corner! I'll have you know there are plenty of yummy little girls who would LOVE to date a handsome young man like you!"

Zim was about to refute that when he heard a rumbling noise.

"Oh! Here comes your father with your lady callers! Haha!"

In through the doorway came one of the most disturbing things Zim had ever seen, which was saying something. His robodad came barreling into the house carrying a literal Katamari of girls, whining and writhing as their bodies hit the floor.

Before Zim had a chance to react, the robomom grabbed him by his collar and sat him down at the kitchen table. The dad plucked one of the girls from the pile and seated her across from Zim.

"This is Katrina!" the robot mother introduced.

The schoolgirl raised a hand nervously. "A-Actually, my name is Caro- -"

"YOU'RE KATRINA!"

"Okay," squeaked the girl, lowering her hand.

"As I was saying, chat it up with Katrina and see how you like her. Your father and I will be right back after we separate the good seeds from the bad eggs!"

Zim was momentarily relieved by the sight of his roboparents wheeling away. He turned in his chair and knocked on the fridge.

"Tak? Psst. Tak!"

He heard a muffled voice from inside.

"Tak, the roboparents have turned the base into a harem! You've got to help me out of this mess that you partially got me into."

The muffled voice sounded angry and the fridge started to shake.

"Okay, okay! No need for harsh language!" Zim said in alarm. "I...apologize for not listening to you before. I didn't intend to upset you, it just so happened that what I wanted to do conflicted with what you had planned! I'm sorry!"

A few silent moments passed before a faint sigh was heard. Tak forgave him.

"S-So, talking to your fridge, huh?" The girl across the table spoke up. "Yeah, that's a hobby of mine, t- -"

"YOU AND ZIM ARE NOTHING ALIKE!" snapped Zim.

Just then, the roboparents came back holding a much older girl who was thrashing about in their grasp.

"Son! We caught you a big one!" proclaimed the robodad. "And what a fighter!"

"Let go of me, you freaks! I'm gonna tell my daddy on you and he's totally gonna sue, I'm not even kidding!" she spat, causing Zim to break out in a sweat. (He didn't know what "sue" meant, but it sounded threatening.)

"So, what do you think of little Emily there?"

The schoolgirl raised a hand. "I thought my name was Katr- -"

"YOU'RE EMILY!"

"Okay."

"This girl offends me!" declared Zim. "Remove her from my field of vision immediately!"

The robodad pinched the small girl up and tossed her over his shoulder. The older girl was put in her place.

"This is our son, Zim! He's very smart and very single!"

"Gross!" The teen stuck her tongue out at Zim. "He's got, like, jaundice! ...except green!" When she saw the roboparents fuming, she changed her tune. "BUT maybe he'd be nice to have around...like, as a pet or something..."

"That's more like it!" The robomom clapped in excitement. "We always knew our son would go for a more mature girl who would claim him as her property and treat him like a filthy animal!"

"Hehe, yeah, what do you say, uh...whatever your name is, want to come home with me?" the girl smirked.

Zim began panicking as she approached him. He spoke out of the side of his mouth, "Taaak, if you're going to do something, now would be a good time!"

"You know, with a little plastic surgery, you could be really cute..." the girl said thoughtfully.

"Tak, hurry!"

The robodad wiped a tear from his eye. "Our baby boy's becoming a slightly more mannish baby boy..."

Zim was ready to scream when the fridge door burst open. Wooden planks and sandwich condiments went flying across the kitchen as Tak emerged looking angrier than ever.

"STAY...AWAY FROM HIM," she panted. "If you even put one revolting human digit on him, you will rue it."

The teenage girl was too shocked to do anything but nod and back away.

Tak extended her rampage to the living room, where all the remaining girls were sitting idly. "ALL OF YOU! OUT! NOOOW!"

The base was human-free in a matter of seconds.

Finally, Tak fixed her glare on the roboparents. "And you two! You better listen to me! I care about that maniac son of yours so much it grosses me out a little! I am CRAZY about him! And I don't give a bottlenose dolphin's bum what either of you brainless automatons have to say about that! If you think I'll put up with any more of this foolishness, I'll stuff YOU in the fridge, got it?!"

In that moment, Zim felt both overwhelming pride and overwhelming fear for Tak. He flinched as the roboparents gawked at her.

"You...you...! ...you're perfect!" they beamed.

Tak blinked. "What?"

"You're just the one for our boy!" cheered the robomom. "A complete nut with total disregard for authority!"

"And threatening, too!" complimented the robodad. "Oh, son, she's a keeper!"

"That's what I was trying to say BEFORE," grouched Zim. "Now, I think you two have done enough damage for one day. Get back to your posts already!"

"Okay! Have fun, you kooky kids! Don't do anything we would do!" the roboparents said in unison. They scurried off and secured themselves back within their respective doors.

After they had gone, Tak turned to Zim. "You know I forgive you, right?"

"Pshh!" Zim waved dismissively. "Like there was any doubt you would!"

"And...I'm sorry too."

"Heh?"

"Well, you had no way of knowing those kids would be such savages. And that never would've happened if I'd helped you out or something. I shouldn't have treated you like a burden," Tak explained.

Zim was surprised; it was rare for Tak to apologize to him for something.

"Weeell, I suppose that, since I'm feeling generous, I can forgive you," he said, enjoying every second of it.

"Thanks," uttered Tak. She hugged him tightly. "I'm freezing."

* * *

(A/N: Finally done! Didn't expect this to be a long one, but I'm happy with how it turned out. Are you? Review, fave and follow of you are, and don't forget to check out my profile!

Toodle-loo!)


	15. The Carny Vale 2 - Revengeance

(A/N: Sorry this took a while! Wanted to work on my other one-shots! I'm not okay. Without any further adieu, let's get to the chapter!)

* * *

Ch. 15: The Carny Vale 2 - Revengeance

 _Summary: Zim and Tak once more endure the horrors of the carnival, all for one thing. COTTON CANDY._

* * *

"I'm telling you, Zim, this isn't going to work."

"IT IS! Just give it one more minute!"

"You said that five minutes ago. Ugh, this is turning out just like last week with the gorill- -"

"YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD NEVER AGAIN SPEAK OF THE GORILLA!"

"Just let me step on it already."

"WaitwaitWAIT! It's happening!"

Tak and Zim stared in surprise as the little ant burst into flames under the bright glare of the magnifying glass.

"SEE?! I told you it made sense!" he boasted.

"I can't believe you were right about this..." admitted Tak. "Just how close is the sun to this planet?"

"Approximately 92,960,000 human miles."

"Huh."

"Yesss. So, with this in mind, I've come up with a plan! If we simply...where is that noise coming from?"

Tak put a hand to her holographic ear. "Music? ...why does it sound so familiar? Like a circus, or a fair, or a...?"

"Carny Vale," Zim hissed.

He'd realized where the music was coming from; right across the street, in fact, from the park where he and Tak had been scheming all morning. The carnival.

"How did I not notice that?" murmured the female Irken. "Well, we know to avoid that place. Last time we were there, the humans had built torture machines designed to make each other vomit."

"And they had humiliating strength tests! That were RIGGED!" declared Zim. "I think we can agree that we're NEVER going back there!"

"Mm-hmm."

The duo turned away from the carnival, ready and willing to leave it behind. After a few seconds of walking away, Zim stopped in his tracks.

"BUT I seem to remember something about the carny vale that wasn't nauseating, torturous, or embarrassing. Something that was actually..." He narrowed his eyes in thought. "GOOD."

"...you may be right," Tak appeared to recall it as well. "But what was it? Some kind of food. Like a candy, I think."

"Candy?" Zim repeated.

"Yeah."

"COTTON candy?!"

"That was- -"

"The carny vale has cotton candy?! What are we standing around here yelling for?! Let's go get some!" Grabbing Tak by the arm, Zim charged straight into the carnival.

It didn't take long after their arrival that the two spotted a somewhat portly man pushing a cotton candy cart in front of him. However, before they could get his attention, he was lost in the dense crowd.

"Ugh, there are too many people here!" Tak strained herself to see around them. "We can't catch up to the cotton candy man with them blocking our view!"

Zim considered their options. "I swore to myself that I'd never ride a carny vale monstrosity ever again, but I'm afraid we have no choice! If we get to the top of the Ferris wheel, we'll be able to find him from there! IT'S THE ONLY WAY."

"Wow, you are on a roll today!"

"Was that a wheel pun?"

"What? No. Why, did you find it funny?"

"PFFFT!" Zim covered his mouth. "No...kehehehehehe!"

He led Tak over to the wheel and when no one was looking, they jumped into one of the empty seats. Soon enough, the wheel was set in motion and Zim and Tak reached the very peak of the ride. With a bird's eye view, they scanned the carnival for the cotton candy vendor.

"THERE! I see him!" Tak pointed frantically. "He's standing by that peculiar set of horses!"

"Good work! Now how do we get down there?" Zim looked around for a quick escape. "Aha!"

The Irken had noticed a carny on a big pair of stilts approaching the Ferris wheel. Without warning, Zim grabbed Tak's hand and leapt off of the wheel and onto the surprised carny's shoulders.

"WHOA! Hey, you kids!" he gasped. "I'm not one of the rides! Oh, why does this keep happening?!"

"Brace for impact!" Zim warned as the stilts began lurching forward.

Tak was too in shock to do anything but gape as she, Zim and the carny went hurtling towards the ground. They landed with three quite audible thuds.

Zim was instantly back on his feet. "Come on, he's already made it past the horses!"

Tak managed to pick herself up (that carny wasn't moving, though) and followed Zim to the merry-go round/carousel/roundabout/whatever the heck it's called. He mounted one of the metal horses and pulled Tak up behind him onto the saddle.

"HI-YAH!" cried Zim. The ride just so happened to start as he dug his heels into the horse.

"There he is again!" Tak pointed out the cotton candy vendor.

"Who-o-oa!" Zim tried to stop the horse.

"Alright, we'll jump off on 3!" said Tak. "1...2...!"

"WAIT!"

Tak clasped Zim's waist in alarm. "WHAT?!"

"I wasn't ready!"

The pair waited in silence as the ride went around again. Veeery slooowly.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...okay, this time, this is the one," declared Zim. "1, 2, 3!"

Zim and Tak hopped off of the horse back onto solid earth. They could still see the cotton candy man through the crowd, but just barely. They couldn't catch up to him on their own. They needed...

"A shortcut!" Zim exclaimed, pointing at a funhouse.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!" Tak grabbed his shoulder before he could run off. "We just barely survived those last couple contraptions! How do we know this isn't some kind of death trap?"

"Because, Tak, it says 'FUNhouse'!" Zim gestured toward the words above the doorway. "And if there's one thing I know about humans, it's that they love fun, so this couldn't be a trap! It'd be like Vortians trying to lure Xliactians into a trap with comfy couches; utterly nonsensical! Besides, this might be our only chance to get to the cotton candyyy!"

"...fiiine," Tak reluctantly agreed. "Just be careful! But also hurry!"

Punching bags of some sort hung from the ceiling in the entrance hall to the funhouse. Inside, Zim and Tak braved the harrowing trials of the rock climbing wall, the rope bridge, the hall of mirrors, and that weird room where air blows out of the floor. That last room was particularly annoying.

"I used to think that shortcuts were supposed to be SHORT!" panted Tak, pulling her skirt back down.

"Not to worry, this is the way out!" Zim assured, pulling his skirt down as well. The exit was in their sights. "And I can see that cotton candy man just outside! I knew this would lead us directly to him!"

"Yeah, yeah. But first we have to get through this here."

Zim and Tak were standing before a cylindrical hallway where the roof, walls and floor all spun clockwise. It was like a giant clothes dryer that was tumbling much too rapidly to be safe.

"...weeell, yeeeah, WE have to get through it, 'we' meaning you and I...notice how 'you' came first? Before 'I'? You...go first," Zim grinned nervously.

"No way," Tak crossed her arms.

"Why not?"

"Because...! Because I said no!" Tak replied stubbornly. "You go first!"

"No! You go first!"

"You go first!"

"You go first!"

"You go first!"

"You go first!"

Tak kissed Zim's cheek.

"I'll go first!"

As soon as Zim entered the rotating hallway, he had to keep sidestepping so he wouldn't fall over.

When he'd gotten about halfway through, Tak shouted out. "You're doing great!"

This startled Zim and he tripped. Centrifugal force squished him against the wall until he went flying out the exit.

"Uh-oh," uttered Tak. She got a running start and slid straight out the exit, where she found Zim. "Are you alive?"

"I think so," he muffled. He pried his face out of the ground and straightened his wig as he stood. "Now let's get that miserable human who's keeping us from the cottony treats we deserve! He's...THERE!"

"YOWCH!" Zim had poked the cotton candy man, who was quite offended, right in the back. He swatted the alien's hand away. "Hey, watch it! I know karate!"

Zim tilted his head. "Kara-who?"

Tak cut in before things could get any more frustrating. "We'd like some cotton candy."

"Sorry, kids, all sold out," the vendor replied. "Maybe next year."

With that, he turned and rolled his cart away.

"Wh-What...?" Zim fell to his knees.

Tak collapsed onto her back and just lay there.

"We went through that for NOTHING?! NOOOOO!" cried Zim, devastated. Suddenly, a glimmer of hope caught his eye. "Hey! There's still some cotton candy left stuck to the ground here!"

Tak sat up to find Zim licking the cotton candy off the dirt.

She grimaced. "Maybe we could just buy some at the mall."

* * *

(A/N: Well, that's that! Took a lot of editing. Some of the stuff in this chapter was meant to be in Chapter 20 of "Tak Is Back", when Zim and Tak first attended the carnival, but I decided to cut them because they were kinda unnecessary and that chapter was long enough already. So it was nice to finally put those ideas to use. There's your mandatory info nugget for the chapter, you're welcome.

As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and stick around for the ones coming up! Please review, fave, follow and check out my profile!

See you next time!)


	16. Face Your Fears

(A/N: Here we go. B-T-Dubs, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! I'll answer ASAP, either in a PM or at the beginning of the next chapter, if I think that others would benefit from reading my response.

PS, Tak's needle phobia was touched upon in "Tak Is Back", so I guess you could call this a throwback!)

* * *

Ch. 16: Face Your Fears

 _Summary: Zim and Tak try to conquer their respective fears of germs and needles._

* * *

"OW!...OW!...OW!...OOOWWWW!"

"Aaand just one more, sweetie."

" _OW!_ "

"There you go! All done!"

Tak once more allowed herself to breathe. She'd waited with bated breath for Zim to finish getting his shots. After all that time, the proud Irken stepped out of the nurse's office with a lollipop in his mouth.

"Finally," sighed Tak. "We're the last ones here. You just HAD to get all those extra shots. Ms. Bitters said that only the tetanus shot was mandatory, you know."

"I KNOW, but why wouldn't I want more?" defended Zim, pulling the lollipop out. "Each vaccination makes me immune to another revolting human disease! Zim is practically invincible to them now!"

"How many did you end up getting?"

"Hmm," Zim rolled up a sleeve, revealing a row colorful cartoon Band-Aids. "Eh, I lost count. How many did you get?"

"Uh..." Tak started to sweat. "J-Just the one."

Zim stuck his lollipop back his mouth. "Where's your adhesive medical strip?"

"You can't see it."

"How come?"

"Because...it's...on my bum! That's why!" Tak clarified.

"Oh."

"Right," Tak turned to leave the building. "So, let's get- -!" She felt a breeze hit her lower back.

"...I don't see an adhesive medical strip!"

"WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Tak landed a punch in one of Zim's eyes, causing him to spit the lollipop onto the hallway floor.

"OWW!" Zim nursed his new black eye. "I was looking for the adhesive medical strip, of course! You said it was on your butt, I wanted to see if yours had that weird triangle-eye thing on it too!"

Tak reddened. "I didn't say you could look! If you EVER touch my leggings again, I will GUT you!"

"Sheesh!" After snatching up the lollipop and blowing it off, Zim replaced it into his mouth. He silently followed Tak out of the building before speaking again. "But still, I didn't see an adhesive medical strip there."

"Persistent today, aren't we? Fine, then; I didn't get the shot."

"Heh? Why not?"

"Don't laugh, but...I'm...AFRAID of needles," Tak strained herself to say.

Zim wasn't expecting that to be the reason. He wasn't sure how to react to this. He didn't find it funny, infuriating or nerve-wracking, and those were his main reactions to information. He figured this was the kind of time he should "comfort" Tak.

"That's fine!" he said. "That's perfectly fine! Everyone's afraid of something."

"Really?" Tak eyed him hopefully. "And what are you afraid of?"

"NOTHING SCARES THE MIGHTY ZIM!"

"Liar!" Tak paused. "Oh, I hope I didn't get that from you."

"But it's true! Zim fears nothing!"

Tak narrowed her eyes at Zim. For a second, she thought maybe Zim was too dumb to know what he should fear. He'd punch a bear right in the face if it mildly inconvenienced him. Then she thought a little harder.

She snapped her fingers. "I've got it! You must be afraid of germs! That's the real reason you went overboard and got all those shots!"

"Th-That's not a 'fear'!" argued Zim. "It's a...concern! Who isn't concerned about germs? They're horrifyingly disgusting single cell terrors of the microworld...but the point is, I am NOT frightened of them!"

"Hm. Well, you know that lollipop in your mouth? While it was on the floor, it was touching all the footsteps of the students who'd walked through that hallway with whatever gunk human children step in leaving fragments of their filth behind and now it's- -""

"STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!" Zim shouted, trembling. He tore the lollipop out and threw it as far as he could. "Great galaxy, woman! You ruined lollipops for me!"

"See? You're scared out of your wits! Or lack there of," She said smugly. "You're not 'concerned', you're dead germaphobic!"

"WEEELL, at least my fear is rational! After I arrived on this planet, I discovered how menacing germs truly are! But there's no reason to be afraid of needles, they go right through you!"

A big shudder ran over Tak. "That's what I'm afraid of! They're just so sharp and...EEECH! I just can't stand the thought of a needle piercing my flesh...it'd hurt too much for me to bear!"

"You mean you've never gotten a shot in your life? Not even the ones we had to get in the military academy...?" Zim trailed off as two children passed by. "CAMP? THAT...our fathers sent us to last summer?! Because we're human?!"

The children rolled their eyes and walked away.

"One look at that giant stinger and I bolted out of the room," Tak said with a tad of embarrassment. "But see, that's much scarier than a tiny germ!"

"They may be tiny, but they're EVERYWHERE, even in the base! I can't believe you would doubt their deadliness! I should really hire a maid service."

"F-For what?"

"To clean the base. What else would I have a maid do for me?"

"...nothing. But that's asinine. First of all, maids cost money, which you don't have. Second of all, a maid can only do so much to ward off germs. You can't avoid them, so it's silly to be scared of them."

"Silly?! I don't think you're in any position to declare such a thing!" scoffed Zim. "I'm not too fond of needles myself, but being frightened of them is just ridiculous!"

"You know what? Arguing like this will get us nowhere."

"You're right," Zim agreed, looking around. "We're still in front of the school!"

"That's not what I meant. But come on, let's walk and talk." She and Zim began to do so. "There's only one thing to do about our fears."

"Deny their existence?"

"No. We have to conquer them. On a dangerous planet like this, it'd be best to go on fearlessly, don't you think?"

Zim let out a huff. "What did you have in mind, dare I ask?"

"Immersion therapy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Aghhhh! When you said 'immersion therapy', I didn't think you meant it literally!"

"I like how you waited until we actually got here to scream. Also, how could I mean 'immersion' figuratively?"

"I thought you meant I would just think about germs really, really, REALLY hard, and then I would overcome my fear."

"Ha. No." Tak shoved Zim straight into the dumpster.

"BLEGHHH!" He instantly resurfaced, spitting and gasping for breath.

Tak raised a hand to keep him from climbing out. "Just sit in here for one minute, and I'll let you out." Ignoring Zim's wails of protest, she closed the top.

"...a minute, huh? Okay. I am Zim! I can last a minute. It's just one minute. Even though every millisecond more and more unholy bacteria are seeking refuge in my spooch meats, crawling out of whatever rotten fruit or old sludge or mold-encrusted ham sandwich or whatever else this forsaken trash containment unit is filled with. Just...a minute. And then I can purge myself of their germy doom..." Zim tapped at the underside of the dumpster lid. "Tak?"

"Yeah?"

"How long has it been so far?"

"Uh, twelve seconds."

"..." Zim scratched his wig. "...LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT!" He pounded and pounded on the lid, but Tak didn't move.

Using all his strength and adrenaline, Zim managed to lift it open, sending her flying.

"FREEDOOOM!" Zim cheered wildly. After a victory laugh, a spray bottle popped out of his PAK and he began spritzing himself all over with it. "SWEET SANITIZATION!"

Tak approached him, grumpily rubbing her head. "And just what is that?"

"This is a special spray I concocted for just such an emergency. It kills 101% of all germs DEAD." A sizzling noise came from Zim's tunic. Smoke rose off of him.

"You're really THAT afraid of them?"

Zim nodded rapidly. "That aside, I think I've been humiliated enough for one lifetime. Now let's go find an acupuncturist, or a porcupine, or a sea urchin, or a cactus! Whichever one we come across first." He took ahold of Tak's arm and began pulling her away.

"Oh, come on, Tak! Pull yourself together!" she thought. "They're just needles! Why the bloody heck should you be afraid of them anyway?"

But it was no use asking. Tak was deathly afraid of needles, and she had no idea why. She couldn't help it...

"Wait...wait!" She stopped Zim.

"Now what is it?" he snapped.

"This...isn't the proper thing to do. We're not going to become braver by forcing ourselves into frightening situations. Like I said before, it'll get us nowhere."

Zim crossed his arms. "Hmm, funny how you only came to this conclusion AFTER torturing me!"

"I'm sorry, Zim. What I did was wrong," Tak rolled her eyes slightly. "If you hate germs so much, then I should support you. We live under the same roof, after all. We'll just have to adjust our world domination plan to it."

"Praise the Tallest!"

"But this means you have to respect my aversion to needles as well!" Tak said in one breath. "Promise...?"

Zim could see the fear in Tak's eyes. "...I promise." The fear disappeared.

"Thank you," Tak sighed in relief.

Zim was glad he'd calmed her down. "So, this means you'll help me with tidying up the base from now on?"

"Nope!"

"Maid service it is."

* * *

(A/N: For this chapter's mandatory information nugget, I'll tell you how I came up with this chapter's ending. It was supposed to be very different, but something came up that made me want to change it. I wouldn't say I have a "fear" of my feet being exposed, but I get anxious when my bare feet touch stuff.

Long story short, my mother has been trying to get me to break my habit of wearing socks 23 hours a day and it really bugs me. So please, people, if someone does something that just makes them feel comfortable, and it doesn't affect anybody, just let them do it. Let them wear their hat, or their scarf, or their gloves. Don't force them to do something that upsets them, or at least don't do it as inconsiderately as my mom has been trying to. But sorry that even I myself am a bit dissatisfied with this chapter; I'm not good with morals.

That said, please review, fave, follow and check out my profile! Au revoir!)


	17. Missing

(A/N: This was the first request I got! Thanks to **Sandshrew master 317** for the prompt! Sorry it took a while again! Somehow I screwed up submitting this and had to type a lot of it over again. Also school, y'know)

* * *

Ch. 17: Missing

 _Summary: GIR and MiMi get lost in the city and Zim and Tak go looking for them._

* * *

"G'bye, Pig! Don't forget to send me the pictures!" GIR waved goodbye to his piggy friend and closed the front door. "Maaasterrr! WHERE YOU AT, BOY?!"

Computer sighed. "I've told you a million times; Zim and his lady friend go to school every weekday. They'll be back later."

"Oh, yeeeeah. YOU wanna play with me?"

"No."

"Hmmm," GIR surveyed the living room. "Master and the mean lady are at school, Moose is at work, Skoodgey's...dead, I think...and the Angry Monkey's on hiatus! I got no one to play with!"

Just then, MiMi came clambering out of the toilet. She waved at GIR.

"MiMi!" he exclaimed. "You know anyone I can play with?!"

"..." MiMi pointed at herself.

"YEEEAH! Let's go paint the towwwn PURPLE!"

MiMi switched her cat disguise on and joined GIR at the door.

He was reaching for the knob, but stopped short of it. "Wait...Master said I can only go out if..."

 _"GIR, you can leave the base anytime you want, on one condition! DON'T GET LOST."_

"..."

 _"DON'T GET LOST."_

"..."

 _"GET LOST."_

"..."

 _"GET LOST."_

"..."

 _"GET LOST, GO! HURRY UP!"_

"Okayyy!" GIR rolled his eyes. "You didn't have to yell! Hehehehe! Come on, MiMi, let's ROOOOLL OUT!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And that is all 500, AND counting, reasons why dolphins should NOT be allowed to vote!" concluded Zim.

Tak blinked a few times. "Dolphins aren't allowed to vote."

"Oh. Then what am I going to write this persuasive essay about?! Ms. Bitters said I couldn't do it about persuading the class to let me rule them all, and this was the only other idea I had!" Zim pushed the door to his base open and stepped inside. Temporarily forgetting his essay conflict, he paused and looked around.

Tak eyed him curiously. "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that GIR usually would've tackled me to the floor by now."

"He isn't here, then? He didn't tell us he'd be going anywhere today...maybe we should go look for him."

"Not to worry! GIR is an advanced robot soldier, he can take care of himself. Besides, I'm extraordinarily busy."

"I'm not worried, it's just that I don't want that robot of yours getting himself, and by extension us, into big trouble! We should know where he is."

Zim sighed wearily. "Send MiMi after him, then. He always behaves when she's around."

Tak called out for MiMi and waited a few seconds, but her loyal SIR was nowhere to be seen. "...she's gone too? Oh, great, they're out together..."

"CompuTER!" exclaimed Zim. "Do your job! Track down GIR with his guidance chip so Tak will quit worrying!"

The walls rattled slightly as Computer groaned. "Locating..."

"See, Tak? I thought of everything. It'd be impossible for GIR to- -"

"Location unknown."

"What?!"

"Location unknown."

"What do you MEAN 'location unknown'?!"

"I MEAN, I don't know where he is. If you are experiencing trouble with our location service, please don't bother asking again. Have a nice day."

"Useless machine!" Zim growled. "How dare you tell me to have a nice day?! I'm going t- -"

"You see?" Tak interrupted. "They must be dreadfully lost! We have to go looking for them and make sure they're okay," Tak looked back at him. "...ZIM?"

"Fine! I'm coming!" He got off the couch. "But I'm not happy about it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It didn't take long for Zim and Tak to reach the city and begin their search. Zim knew all the "fun" places GIR would've taken MiMi (mostly restaurants) but the robotic pair was nowhere to be found.

"I'm exhausted..." Tak spoke up. "Someone must've seen them, so if we just ask- -"

Without warning, Zim grabbed a little boy by the collar. "YOU! You must've seen GIR! Don't you try to deny it! Where is he, you gremlin?!"

Tak hurriedly tugged Zim away as the child began to wail.

"Not like that!" she snapped. "As much as I hate the mess we're in, we're going to have to deal with it calmly. We both know how humans are."

"Zim knows all there is to know about humans! After all, I've been on Earth longer than you have, so I think I know what I'm doing."

Tak crossed her arms. "Alright, then. Go out there and do your thing."

Zim proudly turned and marched out of the alley Tak had ushered him into. It was only a second or two before she heard him scream.

"That's him, Daddy! That's the boy who yelled at me and stretched my shirt hole!"

"YOU CALLED MY SON A GREMLIN, YOU LITTLE PUNK?!"

After she heard a satisfactory number of punches land, Tak stepped out of the alley. "Alright, that's enough."

She blocked the man's next jab with a palm and while he was caught off guard by her presence, Tak pushed his elbow, sending him timbering down right onto his son. When he looked up again, Zim and Tak were gone.

"Son?! SOOON!" The man turned to find his son flattened against the pavement.

After a few seconds, he made a melancholic face. He never wanted that kid in the first place.

A block or so away, Tak held Zim (bride style) atop a one-story building.

"NOW we do this my way?" she asked tiredly.

Zim grumbled and crossed his arms, which Tak took as a yes.

She hopped back onto the sidewalk and set Zim down, then led him over to a crowd of people. She cleared her throat.

"Pardon me, everyone! Your attention?"

Nobody stopped walking or quieted down.

"Excuse me!" Tak spoke at a slightly higher volume. "Just a moment of your- -"

"STOP AND LISTEN, YOU FILTH!" Zim screeched impatiently.

Tak was about to slap him until she saw that he'd actually gotten their attention. She cleared her throat again. "Ahem. Thank you. Now, then, we're looking for a couple of lost animals. Has anyone seen a green dog or a black cat today?"

One man in the crowd raised his hand.

"Um...yes?" Tak called on him.

"What shade of green?" he asked.

"I don't know! Just...green! Why does that even matte- -"

"GIR is grassy green," muttered Zim.

"...he's GRASSY green," Tak repeated for everyone.

"Oh," said the man. "Well, the dog I saw was brown, so I guess that wasn't him, sorry."

"Then...then why did you ask what shade of green he was?!"

The man shrugged. "I was curious."

A little girl raised her hand. "I saw a green dog yesterday!"

Tak shook her head. "He went missing TODAY."

A fat woman raised a hand. "Oh, I saw a green dog in the park a few minutes ago!"

"Really?" Zim and Tak said in unison.

"Oh, no, wait, that dog was more of a forest green. And he wasn't with a cat. Oh, well!" The woman walked away.

"Wait, what color is the cat again?" asked a teenage boy.

"Black," Tak answered.

"Ehhh, she's more 'asphalt', isn't she?" Zim pointed out. "Or maybe obsidian...? No, that's not it."

Tak grit her teeth. "It doesn't MATTER."

"Just trying to help..."

"Sorry, I just got here, what's happening?" asked a new man.

"These two kids are looking for their lost pets," a lady informed him. "A black cat and a mongoose."

Tak put her fists on her hips. "He's a dog, not a mongoose!"

"Oh, sorry," said the lady.

The newcomer piped up again. "And what color is he?"

"Green," said Tak.

"GRASSY green," Zim added again.

"Oh, like the one right behind you?"

"Like the...um," Zim's pupils drifted aside until they fell upon GIR. "GIR!"

"Hiya!" the disguised robot waved.

Tak felt a sudden weight atop her head and looked up to see MiMi. "MIMI!"

GIR hugged Zim and Tak hugged MiMi.

"Awww!" cooed the crowd.

Zim pried GIR's arms away from his throat and took in a gulp of air before speaking. "Where have you been?! I even left a note reminding you to tell me where you were going!"

"No, you didn't!" GIR said.

"Oh, yeah. But still! Why?"

GIR's ears drooped. "You couldn't play with me, Master! So I got lost! But me and MiMi chased a giant cheese wheel and saved all the dingoes!"

"...well, next time you decide to 'get lost', tell me first," ordered Zim. Even though he knew GIR wouldn't remember, the Irken was relieved when he saw him nod. "On the matter of 'playing' with you, I suppose there's time in my schedule for a bit of leisure trainin- -"

"Come on, MiMi, we're going to the park!" Tak and her SIR unit were already halfway there.

"Hey! Wait for us!" whined Zim. "So ungrateful..."

"YAYYY!" the crowd of city goers accompanied them at the park for some reason.

The invaders, their robot companions and all the stupid humans from the city ended up spending the rest of the afternoon doing leisure training in Hurt Park. And as chance would have it, they didn't have such a horrible time.

* * *

(A/N: Again, sorry for the long wait! I hope this chapter did a good enough job of pleasing you! That's my goal, you know. I kinda rushed editing it, so please look out for mistakes and tell me if you find them.

Not sure when I'll update again because there are some one-shots I've been sitting on for nearly 2 years now that really need me, so I wanna finish at least one of those before I get back to this.

Until then, please review, fave, follow and check out my profile for more!)


	18. Old Flames

(A/N: And we're back! Partial credit for this chapter goes to **DarkDremora4**! And prepare to see their name a bit because they came up with some good ideas. Admittedly, I was a bit embarrassed to post this one and that's partially why it took so long. But then I remembered how embarrassing some of the other chapters in this story are, and well...I womanned up

Also, I've finally worked out a schedule. After a chapter of this story, I'll post the longest of the many one-shots I have saved in my documents before getting back to this. Most of the one-shots are Invader Zim ones anyway, so hopefully you won't miss me TOO much.

I've digressed enough. To the chapter!

* * *

Ch. 18: Old Flames

 _Summary: Tak discovers a secret of Zim's that gives her a different outlook on their relationship._

* * *

"This one?"

"No."

"This one?"

"Nope."

"This one?"

"Nah."

"How about this one?"

"Eeeeeeh, NO. Next."

"Zim! Just pick one!"

"I can't 'just pick one'! That's why we had to take so many! Only the best picture will do as the banner for my new campaign! My First Lady cannot be seen making faces like that!"

"I wasn't making faces. That's just how I look."

"And that's why the humans created Photoshop! Now all we have to do is..." Zim saw a notification flashing on the screen. "Oh, great. Some nobody sent me a video message again."

"It's from the Space Squid Planet, Master," said Computer.

"Ooh, play it!" Zim bounced in his chair. "I must've won a space squid prize!"

Before Tak could inquire about that, the video was playing. A squid-faced alien girl wearing a tiara popped up.

Zim's face fell. "UH-OH. Forgot to block her again."

"OHH, my sweet Zimmy Wimmy!" gurgled the girl. "No matter how many times I call you, you never pick up! When you get this inking video message, call me back so we can rekindle our love! You know we're mean to b- -!"

Computer closed the message. "Yeah, this entire video is just 2 hours of that."

"...what the heck?" Tak turned to Zim.

"WRONG NUMBER!"

"But she said your name. Albeit butchered. And I saw pictures of you behind her."

"UHHH- -"

Tak raised a hand. "Don't try to talk your way around it, we've been to this song and dance before."

"Well, I don't see what musicals have to do with- -"

"JUST tell me the truth already."

"Okay," said Zim, making a face. "That squid lady was the princess of the Space Squid Planet, Princess, uh...whatever her name was."

"Squilvia," Computer spoke up.

"Thanks, Computer."

"Please, don't mention it. Ever."

"And she's a former...fire of mine," Zim continued.

"Former FLAME, you mean," corrected Tak. "So, that squid princess was your ex-girlfriend?"

"HA-HA, strong word, that...!" Zim tugged at his collar. "But you used it, not me, so, yes!"

"Why'd you feel the need to hide that?"

"Because! Well, let me show you..." Zim reluctantly turned back to the computer.

He opened up his blocked list, comprised of well over a hundred names. Tak noticed that almost half of them were royalty.

"Whoa," she uttered. "How many princesses did you piss off? What, did you stand ALL of them up?"

"Heh, so to speak," Zim continued sweating profusely. "I was, uh...quite a pitch with the space females."

"You mean a catch?"

Zim ignored that. "I had to accumulate a LOT of service hours to 'accommodate for' my 'misdemeanors' from the academy, you know. I was forced to take up jobs on dozens of different planets, and most of which happened to have princesses, and you've seen the movies, you know how insane they are. They had their reasons for their interest in me. So, I kept them company, along with all the gross stuff that entailed, and I remained in their good graces until their father-unit found out about it, and I usually ended up getting banned from the planet. But some of those princesses were clingy, curse it all!"

"So...you've really gotten around, huh?" Tak forced out.

"Indeed. But I'm glad to see this revelation doesn't bother you in the slightest!"

"Mmyep! I'm just fine!" Tak patted Zim on the back with enough force to push him to the ground.

"I feel as though we've been here before," Zim rubbed his head. "You're actually upset and you're relying me and my finely tuned emotional reading skills to figure that out."

"Forgive me for not jumping for joy," pouted Tak. "But you realize how troubling my perspective of this news must be."

Zim got back on his feet. "Heh?"

"It seems completely plausible that I could end up being just another one of those crazies you've forgotten about on your computer. I mean, what if that's all this is to you? Just a fling," Tak shuddered as she spoke. "It's not like there's any difference between me and all those others."

"But there is!"

"NO difference whatsoever!" Tak repeated. "You know, you're the only person I've ever been with, or even considered wanting to be with."

"Uh-huh."

"So, when I find out you've been some kind of...space pimp living it up as a bachelor this whole time, it makes me seem kind of insignificant!"

"Not sure what most of those words mean. But those were all unrequited thingies! It's an entirely different story with you! I actually feel a lot of something," Zim suddenly grasped his midriff as though he were in pain. "Argh! So much feeling! That's much more than I can say for anybody else I've known all my centuries."

Tak tried not to look moved. "Well...fine, then..."

"OOH! Right there! Hold that expression!" A camera popped out of Zim's PAK and snapped a photo of Tak. He laughed triumphantly. "The perfect campaign banner."

She pulled Zim into a hug.

"You can be so dumb."

* * *

(A/N: Finally done! Sure have been sitting on this one for a while now! Lots more to come! Don't forget to leave a review or PM me with any ideas you might have, I promise I take all suggestions and I'm one of those people who can make something out of nothing.

Other than that, as usual, please fave, follow and check out my profile for more. Ciao bella!)


	19. Date Night

(A/N: Hi there again! Back to this. After, like, two months. But before that I just wanna say REAL quick to check out the other IZ story I recently posted "The Substitute" if you haven't already. It's the reason this chapter took so long. All stalling aside, go forth and REEEEEEAD)

* * *

Ch. 19: Date Night

 _Summary: Zim and Tak go on their first official date._

* * *

"HEY!"

"Hm?!" Zim nearly dropped the remote. "RRR, what do you want?! Sneaking up on me like that..."

Tak narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Remember when I said we would go on a date sometime?"

"Uhhhhh, nooooo. I fail to recall you saying such a thing. When was this?"

"Chapter 4."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Well, tonight's the night! I deserve to be spoiled after putting up with so much foolishness from you this week!"

Zim groaned. "But I had plans...planned! There are over 300 Earth channels I have yet to monitor, and I think that's a liiittle are more important than wh- -!"

"No, you don't!" Tak had grabbed him by the collar. "Listen carefully. By eight o' clock tonight, I expect you to be ready to take me out. I expect you to pick a nice place for us to go. I expect you to behave yourself. That's the bare minimum of a date and I expect you, dense as you are, to do all that."

"And if I don't?"

"Then instead of going out with me, you can spend your evening in a room. A room with a moose."

"...fine!"

Tak released him. "GOOD. Now you ask me properly."

Zim reluctantly let Tak take his place on the couch. He exited the room and immediately reentered. "Ahem!"

"Yes, Zim?" Tak said calmly.

"A-HE-HEM!"

"I said 'Yes, Zim?'!"

"I am approaching you with romantic intent." Zim folded his hands behind his back. "As per your request/threat, tonight we shall participate in the Earth ritual of the first date. I shall spend the next five hours secluded in my homemade love tank absorbing love juices to prepare for the event."

Tak shook her head as the floor panel beneath Zim's feet lowered him into the lab. "I worry about him sometimes. But one thing's for sure, tonight will be interesting."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"ZIM ATTACK!"

"What the?!" Tak was suddenly tackled from behind.

"GIR, get the legs!"

Tak let out a growl and used her PAK legs to hoist her assailants into the air. They held Zim, who was holding a burlap sack and GIR.

"Aw, swizzlesticks," pouted the robot.

"What the bus was that?!"

"Well, DUHHH! I was kidnapping you," Zim answered simply.

"...I'm compelled to ask why."

"How else was I supposed to get you to the site of the date?"

"By telling me you're ready to go?"

"I can do that? I-I mean, I knew that! Now put me down!"

Tak did so. "If you're ready to- -"

"ZIM IS READY, LET'S GO!" Zim dragged her out of the house by her arm.

"Have fun, you crazy kids!" GIR waved after them.

"Hmph!" Tak reclaimed her arm once they were outside. "I should've signed a waiver for this...so! How do you plan on getting to the 'site of the date', exactly? If we're heading into the city, there's practically no way our spaceships would go unnoticed."

Zim spotted a little girl pulling a wagon behind her. "HALT!"

"Huh?" The girl turned around. "Eep! Terrorists!"

"Yes, yes, that's right! Terror! The terror that is Zim! I am commandeering this vehicle now!" Zim plopped himself and Tak into the wagon. "Now mush, human slave! Into the city!"

"Please don't blow up my house!"

"MUSH!"

The little girl tugged them along with all her might, which turned out to be a surprising amount of might. However, it wasn't long before she fell forward and splatter onto the pavement.

"Looks like she burned herself out," Tak remarked.

"Oh, no, no, no!" Zim hopped out of the wagon and shook the human's limp form. "WAKE UP! Wake up or my love-pig will kill me!"

Some blood leaked into the sidewalk.

"...well, serves her right for being outside this late at night. I shall pull the rickshaw myself!" Zim grabbed the handle of the wagon and got to pulling. "I...can...MAKE IT!"

"Even I have pity," sighed Tak. "Look, there's a comvenient fancy-looking restaurant right here. Why don't we just stop at it?"

"Restaurant?" Zim looked up. "Ohhhh. I was heading for a crematorium. But this works too!"

"Alright, then," Tak reached for the door.

"Oh, nooo," Zim lowered her hand. "Inside seating is for the commoners. We, however, are Irken elites!"

"There's outside seating?"

"Outside seating, shmoutside shmeating! The real elites dine out back by the dumpster!"

"You know what? I'm not gonna bother asking. Not sure why I ever did."

The pair scurried around to the rear of the eating establishment. When they reached the dumpster, they found an old table (and tablecloth) that was broken, but still usable, along with sitting commodities.

"And now we wait!"

"...FOR?"

"For the chef-human to come and give us food!" Zim explained. "It should only be a minute or two before he arrives with the most exquisite of all Earth foods. SPAH GITEE."

"First of all, it's 'spaghetti'."

"What kind of human word is that?"

"Italian."

"...so, is it human or Italian?"

Tak rolled her eyes. "Second of all, I highly doubt we'll be meeting the chef any time soon. Their service doesn't usually extend to behind the restaurant, you know."

"NooonSENSE!"

Just then, a tired looking young man stepped out of the restaurant's back door with a bag full of trash.

"YOU!" Zim jabbed a finger at him. "Relinquish whatever you've hidden in that bag!"

The man shrugged and threw the bag at Zim before retreating back into the restaurant.

"Ahh..." Zim fiddled with the knot at the top. "This shall be our feast."

"Pretty sure that's garbage," Tak pointed out nervously. "You know, spoiled food and the like?"

"Right, spoiled food!" Zim said with enthusiasm. "You said you wanted to be spoiled, so here we are!"

"By now, I really should've known better than t- -!"

The bag finally popped opened and all the trash came spilling out onto the table.

"Bon appetit!" exclaimed Zim.

Tak quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, so you know French, but not Italian?"

"Heh?"

"Zim. I'm not eating this."

"But! I spared no expense!" he cried incredulously. "This is prime Earth gruel right here!"

"Fine. Then YOU eat it first, if it's so good."

"As the humans say, challenge accepted!" Zim snatched up a fork. He swished it around in the trash bag, picking up some moldy, rotted food. "Look out, spooch, here comes dinner! Ah...a-ahhh..."

He inched the food towards his mouth, closer...and closer until...

"Hiho," the chef poked his head out of the back door. "Uh, the trash guy told me he saw a couple of terrorists back here, so I just wanted to do a quick check...is everything alright?"

Zim slammed his fork down on the table. "Certainly not! Bring us spaghetti!"

"Yeah, okay."

No more than a couple minutes later, he returned with a lidded tray, which he set down on the table.

"Ah, here it is. The nourishment we've been so patiently await- -AHHHH!" Zim shrieked once the lid was lifted. "INTESTINAL WORMS!"

He batted the tray away, upturning it right atop Tak's head. The spaghetti sauce ran down her face and the noodles tangled themselves in her hair.

"...arrivederci," the chef slipped back inside the restaurant.

Zim stared aghast at what he had done. Tak hated him again. He was sure, no doubt about it. It was all over. He flinched when Tak raised a hand, supposing she was about to smack him.

To his surprise, she grabbed a handful of the spaghetti and popped it in her mouth.

"Mm," she slurped it up. "Not bad. For Earth gruel, that is."

"Wait. You...you're not upset?"

"You think I didn't see something like this coming?" Tak tucked her hands behind her head. "Honestly, compared to what I was expecting, you've been pretty tame tonight."

"Then, this is a good date? I'm a good dater?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself. But yeah. I guess this has been a good date."

Zim copied Tak's nonchalant pose. "Flawless victory."

* * *

(A/N: Sorry this took so long, but I am too busy to even go into, and this chapter needed LOTS of editing, because it started out being almost twice as long as it is now and I wanted to hurry it up, so sorry the ending's kind of abrupt. But most of the things I took out really weren't funny or necessary...maybe I'll end up reusing them later, I dunno

So! Please review, fave, follow and check out my profile for more! Hopefully my next story will be out soon! Hopefully. Until then, au revoir!)


	20. Zimless

(A/N: Whoo, Chapter 20 already! ...who am I kidding, it took me forever to get this far)

* * *

Ch. 20: Zimless

 _Summary: Zim goes AWOL and Tak doesn't take it very well..._

* * *

"Phew!" Tak wiped beads of sweat from her forehead and whipped her goggles off. "Last radiation check of the day. MIMI!"

Mere seconds passed before Tak's faithful SIR unit arrived.

"Deliver this checklist to Zim for me," she ordered, handing the SIR said checklist. "He's got 109 radiation leaks down here; that's the lowest number all month."

However, Tak stopped short of releasing the list.

"How long have I been down here...?" she murmured to herself. "Half a day or so? And it's been hours since Zim contacted me..."

She noticed MiMi impatiently reaching for the list and retracted it.

"On second thought, I'll take it to him myself," Tak declared. "Today IS Saturday, after all. Zim and I always try out one of our plans on Saturday, and I should see if he's come up with anything good. Probably not, right? Haha."

MiMi simply stared back, well aware that her mistress was just covering up the fact that she was excited to see Zim.

Tak's mind raced as the elevator brought her up to the house level. She expected to find Zim there, but the kitchen and living room were empty, save for GIR eating some literal pigs in a blanket at the dinner table.

"Where's Zim?"

"Mmmmmm," GIR didn't even look up from his meal. "I'unno."

"Ugh, you're so useless," Tak rolled her eyes.

"Heyyyy!" With that, GIR passed out on the table.

"...I'll just call him." Tak tugged her communicator out of her PAK. "Hello? Zim? ...huh, no signal. Either that, or he's ignoring me...pfft! NAHHH."

"Hello. I exist," Computer piped up.

"And?"

"Well, I know where the master is at all times. And I can confirm that his PAK signal has been disturbed. He must be either underground, or dead. Or both," the computer explained. "Haha."

Tak put her hands on her hips. "I could've figured that out for myself! Why'd you even bother speaking up?"

"Bite me."

The female Irken eyed the floor, deep in thought. Her instincts told her to assume the worst. But she scoffed and shook that off.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon. And I can wait."

So, Tak waited for Zim to return.

She waited...

And waited...

And waited. But he still wasn't back.

And after half a day of waiting, her patience had worn thin, as had the soles of her boots, due to all the pacing she'd done. She sat on the couch and let the worry set in.

 _He must be either underground, or dead._

 _Or dead._

 _Or dead._

 _Haha._

"...what could he possibly be doing?!" Tak asked no one in particular. "Why didn't he tell me?! Where in the bloody heck IS he?!"

"Good gosh!" Skoodge appeared out of nowhere in particular. "Zimmy's missing?!"

Tak punched him in the face. "You scared me!"

"Owww! And I was just biting the inside of my cheek...!" Skoodge nursed his fresh bruise. "Sorry. But I overheard you wondering where Zim was?"

"Yeah?"

"Ohhh, no, this has never happened before! Zim always dramatically announces where he's headed!" Skoodge clarified. "He wouldn't just leave me, would he?! Please tell me he wouldn't, I don't know what to do here!"

As Skoodge went into a full-on freak out, Tak's mind was locked on Zim. She could clearly picture his smug little face now, and smug as it was, it was one she wanted to see with her own eyes. Only now did she realize how close she and Zim had gotten, especially for Irkens. She missed him...and Tak couldn't recall really missing anybody before.

When she snapped back to reality, Skoodge was still ranting hysterically.

"If he weren't doing it...I would be," she admitted.

The door flew open.

"It's-a me-a!"

Tak gasped and whirled around. There he was, standing in the doorway.

"Zim," was all she said.

"Who's gonna give me screen ti- -ZIM!" Skoodge exclaimed, leaping off the floor. He got a running start before embracing Zim. "Buddy! Oh, I can't believe I actually thought you were abandoning me!"

Zim quirked an eyebrow. "Who are you again?"

But the pudgy Irken was too busy sobbing in jubilation to reply. Zim's eyes drifted to Tak, and she stared straight back at him. He waved, but she didn't do anything in response, so he awkwardly put his hand down.

"Where were you?" she inquired.

"Oh, uh..." Zim rubbed the back of his head. The fact that Skoodge was still wrapped around only made the situation more uncomfortable for him. "You remember that fine suit and tie that I stole?"

"Nnnnno. When was that?"

"Chapter 4."

"Oh."

"Precisely. So, there was this alarm on it that went off. It was going 'BWYAH-BWYAH-BWYAH-BWYA- -"

"Zim!"

"Hm?"

"I get it."

"AND SO! I, handling the predicament calmly and professionally, decided to return it."

"You mean you panicked and hurried to the store?"

"...anywho, I found out that the most efficient method of travel was this thing called 'the subway', and from there, a BUNCH of unforeseeable things happened! I couldn't contact the base, it took an eternity to get a ticket, then this random guy stole mine, I had to get another one, there were SEVERAL STOPS, these mole men showed up and hijacked us, it was a real mess. So, I didn't intend to be gone for as long as I was."

"Huh...well," Tak patted Zim on the head, which he slightly growled at. "I don't feel especially horrible having you back home."

"Indeed," Zim nodded. "Come to think of it, it was probably for the best I didn't tell you. That was FAR too strenuous a side mission for an invader of your ilk."

"...what is that supposed to mean?" Tak snatched her hand back. "You little brat...you don't think I could have handled it! Don't you?!"

"I mean, I- -"

"Well, news flash! I could've handled that FAR better than you could ever hope to! Who takes almost an entire day just return a lousy tuxedo to a lousy Earth store anyway?! And furthermore...!"

* * *

(A/N: What a nag. Well, after a lot of procrastination, the chapter is finally done, and it's...alright. I at least hope you enjoyed it, and come back...whenever the next chapter is. Yeah, I'm just gonna stop lying to myself by saying it'll be soon. See ya then!

And don't forget to review, fave, follow and check out my profile for more!)


	21. Skool Dance

(A/N: And we're back at last! Apologies, that last one-shot was...a toughie. Pretty dang coincidental that both my latest stories revolve around school dances. Especially considering the fact that I've never been to one. But I digress)

* * *

Ch. 21: Skool Dance

 _Summary: Zim and Tak attend the school dance together._

* * *

"Hey, uh...Zim?"

"Hm?"

"Where are we going again?"

"To the Skool! For tonight is the Skool's dance-based gathering! NOWCOMEON!"

"Ugh. Fine," Tak reluctantly joined Zim on the sidewalk. "But why? You realize attendance isn't mandatory, right?"

"Don't be naive, Tak!" Zim spat. "Ms. Bitters said that she expected the ENTIRE student body to show up! And if that's the case, there must be something secretive and...human-y going on there! Just like at all those assemblies I hardly pay attention to!"

"Okay, I'll go for the food...and to watch out for you," Tak added.

Zim cleared his throat in an attempt to look unaffected by the sentiment.

Suddenly, a huge limousine came zooming up the night road. It screeched to a halt right in front of the duo.

"Ah, our transportation has arrived!" Zim clasped his hands together. "This is how they get to the schools in those high school dramas I hardly pay attention to."

"Hmph. Do you ever pay attention to anything?"

"Heh?"

A window in the front of the limo rolled down and a young man who looked dead inside poked his head out.

"Hey," he greeted. "You got money for this?"

"ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!" Zim grabbed the man's collar and flipped him out of the vehicle. "Tak, quick, get in!"

Thoroughly confused, Tak climbed into the limo and clung to the back of the driver's seat as Zim gripped the wheel. He somehow figured out how to get it going, and just like that, he and Tak were speeding down the night road.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" the female Irken nearly fell over. "Are you sure you know where you're going?!"

"Of cooourse!" replied Zim. "I've been to Skool a magillion times!"

"You can't even see over the steering wheel!"

"Yeah, I can!" Zim lied.

"Hey...hey, watch out fOR THAT- -"

 ** _CRASH! BOOM!_**

The limo went flying into a brick wall and exploded. Passers by looked on in horror at the enormous resulting fire. Then proceeded to shrug and go on with their lives as Zim and Tak emerged from the wreckage unscathed.

"Well, that didn't last long," Tak remarked.

"No, but I really DID know where I was going. Skool's right over there!" Zim pointed it out, and reached toward Tak with his free arm. "MILADY!"

Tak sighed for the magillionth time since she'd arrived on Earth and allowed herself to be yanked away.

It wasn't long before she and Zim reached their destination. They found the twenty or so other students there had assembled in the school gymnasium. There were actually some decorations up, though they could hardly be seen due to how dimly lit the dance was. And the music didn't inspire dance at all; it was nothing but operatic numbers.

The gym's center was bare, as the students seemed to have divided themselves; boys on one side of the room and girls on the other.

"Segregation at its finest," Zim shook his head wearily. "I had a feeling this would happen."

Tak gave him a questioning look. "Did you?"

"YES. And I know just what to do! We'll split up and infiltrate each side! Then we'll find out what's really going on here!"

"As long as I get some food."

"Perfect! You blend in with the other females, and I shall penetrate the male forces. BREAK!" Zim went charging towards the girls. "HI-YAHHH!"

"Um...oh, forget it," Tak made her way over to the boys' side.

Before he could crash for the second time that night, Zim slowed to a stroll as he neared the girls. He sidled up to the least annoying-looking one he saw.

"SO!" he began. "Why did you decide to come here, fellow human of my gender?"

"My mom forced me to come," the girl replied sourly. "So dumb. I hate her."

"Yeah, yeah, me too," Zim nodded before moving in uncomfortably close. "Don't play games with me! What are you really here for, huh? Reveal all to Zim!"

"FRESH!" the girl exclaimed. She slapped him and sashayed away.

"Oww!" Zim hissed. "Reprehensible child...! SO going on the 'give to the Tallest as a pet' list! Right below- -! ...Dib-sister!"

Zim stepped up to what appeared to be Gaz.

"Hey! Hey! Um...hello?"

He poked her, causing her image to fizzle.

"Hey," the Gaz hologram snapped. "You can look, but you can't touch. Actually, no, don't look either. Buzz off."

"It IS you!" gasped Zim. "How bizarre..."

"Zim?" the hologram opened an eye. "Oh, great...look, my dad said I had to come to this stupid thing to 'improve my social skills' or whatever. Naturally, I holed myself up in my room and sent this hologram in my place. He never even noticed. Now just leave me alone and keep quiet about it."

"...sure," Zim said nonchalantly. "WAAAIT!"

"UGH..."

"If YOU'RE here...then that means...!"

XXXXXXXWITHTAKXXXXXXX

"Dib?" Tak spotted him immediately.

"Tak?" Dib faced her. "You actually showed up to this thing?"

"Well, yeah...there's catering. And this tres leches cake is actually tolerable," Tak defended, chewing away. "What's your excuse?"

"Oh, I had a sneaking suspicion that Zim would show up and ruin the dance! My classmates may be insufferable jerks, but as defender of Earth, it's my sworn duty to protect them!" the boy declared dramatically. "Wait. Why am I telling you this? You came here with Zim, didn't you?!"

"Well, yeah, but he's no threat to you tonight."

"You're...just here on a date, then?" Dib asked with disgust.

"Uh! Uh! Uh, NO! ...none of your business!" Tak sputtered. "I meant Zim didn't come here with any real plan! He thought this dance was just a big cover-up for a conspiracy or something foolish like that. He's chasing his own tail."

"Ohh, so your people have tails, huh?" Dib pulled a pen and paper out of thin air and got to scribbling. "Hohoho, interesting..."

"What? No! I- -UGHHH," Tak smacked herself in the forehead. "Why can't I just have ONE conversation that doesn't drive me crazy...?"

Dib smugly put his writing stuff away. "...you showed up dressed like that? You heard what Ms. Bitters said would happen to non-conformists, didn't you?"

Tak peeked at him between her fingers. "What's wrong with how I'm dressed?"

"Nothing!" Dib assured before she could give him a black eye. "It's just that...this is a dance, you know? Just look at everyone else. I've got this uncomfortably restricting suit on. Even Gaz's hologram got dressed up."

"Hmm..." Tak took note of all the formal wear on the students. "I see what you mean. And I can fix that with some minor adjustments to my disguise. That big head of yours isn't so empty, huh?"

"Well, thanks, I- -HEY!"

Tak fiddled with something on her wrist. "There we go."

"Whoa..." Dib marveled as Tak's form began to static from the neck down. "I sure hope I'm not a creep for looking at this."

"And...done."

The new coding had changed Tak's clothes from her standard outfit to a dark floral dress, with a violet flower on one shoulder. Her arms were now adorned with long black gloves and her boots had been swapped out with deep purple Mary Janes.

Suddenly, every boys' eyes were on her.

"Say..." Torque Smacky nudged The Letter M. "Is it just me...or does that Tak girl look not hideous?"

"Hey, man, I just turned twelve; if a woman so much as looks in my direction, she mine," The Letter M replied. "Oh, God, she looked. EVERYONE BACK UP OFFA TAK!"

The rest of boys ignored his command and began swarming around Tak, asking to hold her hand and dance with her, which soon descended into petty fighting.

"Aw, geez, urrrgh...!" Tak cried, in the process being crushed the boy pile. "Wait...what's that noise?"

"...ahhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!"

"It's..."

"HIYAH!" Zim came punching and kicking his way through the crowd of hormones. "HYAH! YAH! ALL OF YOU, STEP OFF!"

"Zim!"

"Tak, I'm coming! HAH!" Zim slugged Dib right in the stomach.

"OUGH!" The boy doubled over. "Um, OW! I wasn't even doing anything this time!"

With a mighty grunt, Zim hoisted Tak over his shoulder. He somehow managed to fight his way out of the gym and away from the building.

He and Tak took a moment to catch their breath.

"See? Told you...it would be a disaster!" Zim panted. "I don't even know...why we went to this stupid human dance in the first place!"

"What...?" Tak huffed. "Are you kidding me? This was YOUR idea! I didn't even want to be here!"

"MENTEUSE!"

* * *

(A/N: Ahh...so relieved to finally be out of school...I'm on my way to college now, isn't that wild?

Fun fact! Originally, this chapter was gonna have a little twist at the end that the dance actually WAS a cover-up for something big, but decided against it because I already kinda did an ending like that in Chapter 8 and it wouldn't have made much sense...and above all, I just got lazy. Could've been funny, but I guess we'll never know.

Anywho, thank you all for reading my lame stuff. Please be sure to review, fave, follow, check out my profile and I shall see you next time, which should be relatively soon considering my next one-shot is pretty much done already. Ciao!

PS, you're probably confused by what Zim said at the end there. Well, it was the French word for "liar". Haha...)


	22. Three's A Crowd

(A/N: See? I told you it'd be relatively soon. Relatively. By the way, Skoodge's human disguise was first introduced in Chapter 15 of "Tak Is Back". I describe it well enough here, but you might want to go back and reread the chapter or check out the drawing I did of it on my dA to refresh your memory of it before reading. But first, a double reply!

 **CallieSizemore601** & **Invader Johnny:** Haaa, I had no idea people would be so thrown off by the French thing. Basically, it was supposed to be a bit of a callback to that joke from Chapter 19 where Zim knows the phrase "bon appetit", but doesn't know the word "spaghetti". Coupled with the fact that I know French pretty well and had recently watched a South Park scene with a similar joke, it was just a random little ending I threw in.

Onto this chapter!)

* * *

Ch. 22: Three's A Crowd

 _Summary: Zim and Tak try to keep things under control when Skoodge accompanies them to Skool._

* * *

"Higher!...Higher!...I demand you push me HIGHER!"

"Zim, any higher and you'll- -"

"PUSHMEHIGHER!"

"Alright, fine. You asked for this."

Tak got a running start and pushed Zim as hard as she could. With a high-pitched cry, he went flying over the swing set in his seat and landed rather painfully as the swing's chains wrapped around themselves.

"OOF! Ohh..." he moaned, suspended upside-down. "My poor incredible spine..."

The female Irken shook her head. "See, that's what you get for not listening."

"Ooh, can I have a turn?"

Tak looked beside her at who had spoken and her eyes nearly doubled in size. "H...Hey! Aren't you...?"

"NO, you can't 'have a turn'!" Zim interrupted. "Tak is MY swing set pusher person and mine alone! So STEP OFF, random background child!"

"Zim, shut up for a second and use your eyes!" Tak snapped. "Don't you remember? That's Skoodge! In his human disguise!"

It was true. The pudgy invader was sporting the appearance of a redheaded boy with blue eyes and fluffy orange hair. He wore white boots and a green shirt with yellow coloring on his collar, sleeves, pants and backpack. A sheepish grin graced his freckled face.

"What, did the voice give it away?"

Zim's face twisted in anger. "SKOODGE! What do you think you're doing here?!"

"I was bored. And besides! Before, when I asked to come to Skool with you guys, you never said 'no'!"

"We never said 'yes' either," Tak reminded him.

"That's just arguing semantics. I've been curious about this Skool thing for the longest time now, and I am LOVING it so far! I mean, we're out here having fun for free!"

"That's debatable," Zim remarked as he fell from the swing seat onto the blacktop. "OUGH!"

"You stupid tub of lard!" Tak grabbed Skoodge by the collar. "Your mere presence puts our mission at serious risk! It's bad enough Zim drags me here every day, and now YOU? This has gone far enough! Go back to the base NOW!"

"Yeah!" Zim chimed in. "Or go live somewhere else! That's also an option!"

The Skool bell rang, signaling the end of recess. Ms. Bitters slid into view in the back doorway of the building.

"Recess is over!" she barked. "All you puny future corpses get inside, and don't let me catch any of you trying to skip out on class!"

Skoodge heaved a sigh. "Guess I'll head back to the base..."

 _"ANY OF YOU!"_

"Nnnever mind, then."

"Ugh! Curse that old bat..." Tak clenched her fist. "Listen, here's what we'll do."

"Yeah! Plan!" Zim said with enthusiasm.

"Zim, you're in charge of Skoodge," Tak took Zim's hand and forced it to hold Skoodge's. "Watch over him and make sure he doesn't say or do anything too idiotic."

"Oh...then, what are YOU going to do?" Zim inquired.

"Me? I'm going to stay as uninvolved in this mess as possible. I'll see you at the end of the day."

"Hey, wait just a minute- -!" Zim paused as Tak kissed his cheek. "I mean, of course!"

"Good," Tak made her way into the building. "Don't let me down."

Skoodge stared after her. "She's real pretty when she's annoyed."

"Tch!" Zim snatched his hand back. "Look here, Skoodge! Tak put me in charge of your sorry, Skoodgey self, so listen up and do exactly as I say! Firstly and most importantly, look out for those despicable humans; especially the Dib, who isn't QUITE as clueless as the rest of his people. He's that big-headed child with the glasses and the unreasonably pointy hair. He wants to have both of us cut open."

"Yikes."

"Yikes indeed! And there's also my class master, Ms. Bitters. She said she'd send me to the underground classrooms if I acted up again."

"There are underground classrooms, too?" Skoodge's eyes lit up. "Wow, this place just gets more and more fascinating!"

Zim rolled his eyes. "Just listen! Unless you absolutely have to, don't say anything to anyone! Don't go into bathrooms, for they hold unimaginable horrors, and don't touch or even look at anything the humans tell you is edible. Unless everyone starts staring at you. In that case, you should definitely eat it so you can blend in. Any questions?

"Gee, uh..." Skoodge scratched the back of his head. "These sure are a lotta rules I have to follow."

"QUESTIONS, I said!"

"Uhh...I've been wondering for the past couple months...d'you and Tak kiss a lot?"

"Well, the w- -DAH! Why are you asking me that?!"

"Out of curiosity."

"..." Zim twitched an eye. "Fortunately, we don't have a long day ahead of us."

So, Zim and Skoodge followed the rest of the students to class. But much to Zim's dismay, it wasn't long before Dib noticed Skoodge.

"Hey..." he spoke up, "Hey, kid, do I know you from somewhere?"

"Umm..." Skoodge glanced at Zim, who was shaking his head frantically. "No."

Dib looked unconvinced. "Eeeither way, you have the right to know that that kid next to you isn't actually a kid. He's an alien who wants to conquer our planet."

"Uh, LIES!" Zim cut in before Skoodge could respond. "ALL LIES! Honestly, Dib! Do you have to harass every new student you come across? For shame! Now come along, you poor, deceiv-ed child!"

Zim pushed Skoodge into the classroom, leaving Dib glaring after the two. Luckily, Zita was absent that day, so Skoodge took a seat behind Zim without any issue. But shortly into the lesson, he took it upon himself to disturb the peace.

"Psst. Hey, Zim. Got another question for ya."

"We're not supposed to be talking right now," Zim said tiredly.

"Is Tak your favorite person?"

"GRR..." Zim's head snapped around to face Skoodge. "Will you STOP with the personal inquiries?"

"Doubt it."

"ZIM!" hissed Ms. Bitters. "Do you have something you'd like to share with the class?"

"No, sir, sorry, sir," Zim spoke through gritted teeth.

"Well, then. Maybe your big chat partner there would care to come up to the chalkboard and solve this quantum physics problem."

"I'm not big," Skoodge objected. "But sure, I'll give it a try."

As the chubby Irken stepped up to the board, Zim peered anxiously at Tak. She had her face buried in a random book.

Once Skoodge reached the board, he picked up a piece of chalk and examined the ridiculously complicated problem.

"Hmm..."

Zim was sweating profusely.

All eyes (besides Tak's) were at the front of the room.

Skoodge put his chalk to the board.

The clock ticked.

Willy ate one of the corners off of his desk.

After taking his time scribbling something, he stepped out of the way to reveal a drawing he had done.

"What...is that?" Ms. Bitters asked.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know the answer," Skoodge admitted. "So instead, I drew Comety the Comet Face! The comet with a comet for a face! I made him up in my spare time."

"...neat!" Keef piped up. "On a conceptual level, at least."

"Thanks. And I signed it, and I put a little date in the corner," Skoodge pointed out. "You all can take pictures if you want, but remember; he's my original character, do not steal."

"Wait just a ding-dang minute..." Dib squinted as a couple students photographed the chalk drawing with their phones. "His signature...it's in Irken!"

Zim smacked himself in the forehead.

"YOU!" Dib dramatically stood up on his desk. "Now I remember you! You were that alien who helped Zim capture me that one time!"

Several of the students rolled their eyes. "Here we go again..."

"You guys have gotta believe me this time!" Dib went on. "There are at least THREE aliens in this room right now, come on! Are you still not seeing it?!"

"..."

"Okay, you know what? I'll call the Swollen Eyeballs! They know the truth about these guys, and they'll- -"

"Listen. Dib. Dude," Poonchy spoke up. "It's time to stop. It's time to end it, man. Y-You're not even creative anymore. I mean, the last three people you've accused of being paranormal creatures...have all been aliens. Alien, alien, alien. Like, what happened to the variety?"

"Yeah!" Melvin agreed. "And you say they're all little green men! That's such a stereotype!"

Ms. Bitters raised an eyebrow. "For once, I actually agree with these little terrors. Dib, you've really gotten old. You're scraping the bottom of the figurative barrel. Just...stop trying."

"But...but I..."

"PLEASE, DIB, SIT DOWN!" the entire class exclaimed.

"I...I..." Dib continued to murmur as he sat down in utter defeat.

"Wow. Shot DOWN," Skoodge remarked.

"You return to your seat as well," Ms. Bitters instructed him. "And count yourself lucky I'm letting you off this entire disruption scot-free. I think we'd all prefer it if we moved on..."

"I'm a lucky guy. And I got off this entire disruption with zero Scotts," Skoodge echoed to Zim once he'd reclaimed his seat.

"I heard," Zim said sourly. "Now I have a question for YOU, Skoodge."

"Yeah, buddy?"

"How the HEY did you manage to conquer Blorch?"

Skoodge shrugged. "Rat people are a lot dumber than these guys."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the end of the day, all the students were hurrying to their various homes. Dib was still in shock by hard his class roasted him and Gaz had to drag him by the back of his coat. And, as promised, Tak caught up with Zim and Skoodge.

"You actually managed to keep this one under control, huh?" She gingerly put a hand to Zim's chest as she drew closer to him. "I must say, I'm impressed..."

Before she could say or do anything else, she noticed Skoodge oogling at the whole scene and drew back, leaving Zim disappointed.

"Uh, anyway...we should get back to the base already. Sheesh," she uttered.

And so, the Irken trio shuffled on home.

"I did pretty ding-dang well for my first day of Earth education, I think! So! When can I come back?"

Zim and Tak exchanged a look of distaste.

"NEVER."

* * *

(A/N: And we're done! This one was a pretty old idea. Poor Dib! He can't catch a break in this story. I know, I rushed this a bit...but fear not! For the next one should be out somewhat soon too, as my next one-shot is ALSO pretty much done! I'm on a freaking roll! Hopefully the next chapter won't turn out quite as long as this one, hehe

So, did you enjoy this chapter? I sure hope you did! If so, please review, fave, follow, point out any errors you may find and check out my profile for more. I love you, buh-bye)


	23. Birds & Bees

(A/N: As per usual, I was nervous to post this chapter since it's so...weird, but that ain't gonna stop meh! Sorry it didn't come out QUITE as soon as I thought it would, and the next one will probably take even longer...oh, well. Also, I doubt anyone will bring this up, but in another IZ story I wrote called "The Substitute", Zim already learned what sex was, basically. But that's a different timeline than this story! So, screw it! Quick reply!

 **Guest:** Thanks for the review! Sorry to hear you feel that way about Skoodge, but considering this is Chapter 23 and Skoodge has only been in 3 (technically 4) of these, at least I'm using him sparingly, haha. I dunno when the heck he'll inevitably appear next, but maybe he'll be less creepy. Or get hurt for your amusement, whichever. Depends on my mood.

Now read on! This chapter kinda pushes that K+ rating, haha...let me have this)

* * *

Ch. 23: Birds & Bees

 _Summary: When sex ed is taught in Ms. Bitters's class, Zim and Tak are understandably confused and try to find out more._

* * *

"Good news, children," Ms. Bitters began.

"That means it's bad news..." Dib murmured to himself.

"Today is Sexual Education Day."

The class immediately erupted in moans and groans. Some of the students even tried to jump out the window. Zim and Tak, who had no idea what Ms. Bitters was talking about, exchanged a perplexed look.

"Hold on, hold on," Ms. Bitters raised a hand to silence the class. "For the integrity of the school board, sex ed must be taught, but with these new age standards and practices in mind. So, we're all going to sit down, shut up, and watch this school-appropriate film called 'Birds & Bees'. After that, you can all go on with your meaningless lives as though you'd never seen this. Okay? Okay."

With that, the odd film began playing. Once it displayed the words, "Have you ever wondered how humans multiply?", it had Zim's full attention.

He HAD always wondered that.

What followed was an extremely confusing movie about a male bird courting a female bird, building a nest with her, and the pair suddenly waking up one morning with eggs beside them. The eggs hatched and gross, wrinkly baby birds came out. The latter half of the movie shifted its focus to a male bee winning the affections of a female bee, and one jump cut later, they had a bunch of baby bees. Zim had never even understood how bees could even fly with such small wings and such fat little bodies. It defied all known laws of aviation.

But eventually, that fever dream of a movie was over, and Zim and Tak knew no more about human reproduction than they did before the film started.

"Finally," Ms. Bitters sighed. "Any questions, class?"

The two Irkens' hands shot up.

The teacher disregarded them as the bell rang.

XXXXXXXAFTERCLASSXXXXXXX

"DARN IT!" Zim stamped his foot. "We were so close to finding out the humans' secret!"

"Secret?" Tak inquired.

"The secret of their multiplication!" Zim clarified. "They intentionally made that film cryptic and uncanny to keep us off their trail! But we're not giving up that easily!"

"We're not?"

"Of course not, Tak! Do you understand how momentous this is? If we figured out how humans multiply, then logically, we could reverse engineer the process to make them divide! A shrunken, shriveled up population would make them so much easier to dominate! So, don't you want to find out what these 'birds and bees' REALLY are?"

"Well...yeahhh." Tak glanced aside and whispered to herself. "I wonder if we'd be able to do it."

"Heh?"

"Nothing! So, what's your plan?"

"Umm...AHA!" Zim pointed out Dib in the crowd of students. "The Dib! He would know! Quickly, ask him!"

"What? Why me?"

"He'll be suspicious if I ask!"

"B-But- -!"

Zim shoved Tak in Dib's direction. He knew she'd kill him later, but he was too intrigued to care. He watched Tak go up to Dib and discreetly whisper to him. The human's face reddened and he started shaking his head a lot. Such a big head.

Zim's eyes narrowed as Dib hurried away. "Knew it! He's hiding it for sure!"

Tak returned, her hands spread out in futility. "No luck."

"That rat! He saw this coming!" Zim scanned the crowd again. "Ooh! There's the Dib's sister! She would probably know as well! I shall ask her!"

"I'm not sure that's a good ide- -"

"HALT, LITTLE GAZ!"

"Oh, y-you're just gonna go, okay."

Tak watched Zim go up to Gaz and intensely whisper to her.

And a few seconds later, she helped him out of the trash can Gaz had stuffed him into.

"Gosh DARN IT!" Zim furiously shook garbage off of himself. "Everyone else in this school is a complete imbecile!"

"Hey, I resent that!" A background kid exclaimed.

Zim ignored them. "Where can we find out about human reproduction nowww? ...I know! We'll ask Computer!"

"Ehh, I don't know," Tak replied. "His knowledge on human functions isn't exactly accurate. Remember what he told you about earwax?"

"You mean that wasn't true?"

"I have a better idea. What if we just find a couple of humans and watch them until they start reproducing? It can't take too long."

"That's right...!" Zim snapped his fingers. "And there IS that couple we always see at the park!"

"Well, what are we waiting for?"

XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX

"Move over!"

"Shhh! I see them! They're sitting on the couch!"

"I can see them too! They're kissing...!"

"Watch closely! This must be where it starts!"

"And..."

Zim and Tak's stakeout was interrupted by the sound of a police siren. They turned and saw a cop standing right behind them.

"Oh, no..." squeaked Zim.

"Excuuuse me!" the cop began. "You youngsters wouldn't happen to be peeping in on this home, would ya? Because that would be illegal!"

"We knew that!" Tak lied. Then she murmured to herself. "How many dang laws do these humans have?"

"What was that?"

"I SAID sorry, officer, my dear friend and I were just on our way home; not doing anything illegal that would get us locked up, no! Come on, Zim, time to go!" Tak pulled her petrified partner away. "Hey, what's the matter? You just froze up back there."

"Haven't you heard how corrupt Earth's authorized law officials are?! I could have DIED back there."

"I don't know what I was expecting. Well, we still didn't get to see any reproduction, and we can't spy on people like that anymore..." Tak reminded him. "Any other ideas?"

"Zim has an idea! We could locate another alien race that procreates like humans do and observe them! That would clue us in."

"Hey, that's actually a decent idea."

"Thanks, I- -...WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'ACTUALLY'?!"

XXXXXXXSPAAACEXXXXXXX

"Finally. It's been a long, 11-minute journey, but we've arrived at Planet Keman; home of the sentient cabbage! Long ago, this was one of the planets I fulfilled my service hours on," explained Zim. "Thankfully, its previous dominant race was wiped out, and this is all that's left."

Down on the pale surface of the planet lay hundreds upon hundreds of cabbage heads.

"Wow. It's tiny," Tak said with a hint of disappointment.

"Size doesn't matter!" Zim scoffed. "It's the breeding we're here for! And it's breeding time! Let's go!"

"Wait!" Tak stopped Zim from opening the Voot's windshield. "You can't just bust in there! Remember what happened last time. You need protection."

"Ah, right."

Zim got his spacesuit on before venturing onto Keman. He had a bit of fun stomping around in the Kemanian dust, but remembered his mission and got serious.

"Tak, I see little sprouts in the ground!" Zim reported into a communicator. "The cabbage heads are procreating!"

"Uh-huh. What exactly are they doing?" Tak asked from the other end.

"Hmm," Zim examined them closely. "I wonder how morally wrong this would be considered. These cabbages aren't going to attack me for watching them, are they?"

"They may be sentient, but they're still just cabbages."

"True. Anywho, the cabbage roots are all tangled up together, which is where the sprouts are...sprouting from. This must be how humans do it! They get together in a big pile of dust and tangle their roots to make the babies pop out! It's so simple!"

"Mm, I have my doubts...humans don't have roots, after all."

"That we know of!"

"Ugh, forget it. Get back to the ship and we'll look somewhere else."

So, Zim and Tak went at it for hours on end, scouring nearby space for planets with reproductive species; Aromatem, Tardray, even the planet of the space lemurs, but their efforts proved fruitless as they too were inhabited by non-humanoid creatures who mated in ways too bizarre for humans to possibly replicate. Some of which were just plain horrifying.

"UGH!" Tak groaned. "This is getting us nowhere! Besides a psych ward if I have to sit one more mating ritual. Maybe we should just drop this ridiculous obsession and go back to Earth. We've been out long enough and I'm bloody exhausted."

"Waaait!" Zim looked away from a screen. "There exists a planet inhabited by the endangered Nayia people! And this chart tells me that they are almost exactly anatomically identical to humans!"

"And how far away is that planet?"

Zim checked and his face went pale. "...let's go home..."

XXXXXXXATHOMEXXXXXXX

"Welcome home, son and daughter in-law!"

"UGHHHH," Zim and Tak groaned simultaneously at the greeting. They didn't even know what a "daughter in-law" was.

"All that time, wasted!" Tak lamented.

"Urgh! Humanity's biggest mystery and it's sitting just out of our reach!" Zim moped. "Why, Satan, why?!"

"Since when were you a Satanist?"

"Heh?"

"Hi, Master! Hi, mean lady!" GIR waved at the two from the couch. "Me and MiMi was watchin' the Soap Opera Network! Hehe. Soap."

MiMi came from the kitchen carrying a big tray of snacks, including that bizarrely delectable "waffle cheese" (nacho cheese with waffle batter in it) she and GIR loved making, and their masters loved eating.

"Well...we could sit and watch with them," Tak suggested slowly. "Just for a little while."

"Yes..." Zim agreed.

He and Tak immediately sat down, snatched up the nachos and dug into the sticky licky stuff. Only after a bit of eating did they actually notice what was taking place on the TV.

 _"Mirabelle! This has gone on long enough! I...I CAN'T BOTTLE UP MY FEELINGS ANY LONGER!"_

"He's been bottling his feelings?" Zim inquired. "That sounds unhealthy."

 _"Oh, Donathon! I always knew you loved me!"_

Sure, Zim and Tak were disgusted by what followed, but over time, they'd grown numb to human makeouts. But they weren't prepared for what came next.

Those humans, Mirabelle and Donathan were actually engaging in human coitus. Right on the screen. Mankind's greatest secret was being broadcast for all to see. Zim and Tak couldn't believe their eyes.

"...Tak."

"Yeah?"

"Finally."

"Yeah."

"We finally know what sexual intercourse between humans is."

"Yeah..."

The two Irkens watched for a bit more.

"...I don't like it."

"Me neither."

* * *

(A/N: HAHA...ha...I did it for the lulz

Please review, fave, follow, check out my profile and I'll see you next time BYE)


	24. Pop The Question

(A/N: Hey, hey! Partial credit for this chapter goes to **DarkDremora** ; I had an idea like this initially, but they really helped me expand on it! Thanks so much! Now, READ ON)

* * *

Ch. 24: Pop The Question

 _Summary: Zim finds out about marriage and tries to propose to Tak._

* * *

"AHHHHAHAHAHAHA! I, the incomparable Invader ZIIIM, have once again bested you, the incompetent Dib!"

"Hey!" Dib piped up. He was strapped to a table in the room's center.

"Nyahahaha! Had you accounted for my universally unmatched perception skills, you might have actually eluded me!"

"What? 'Perception' had nothing to do with it! You never would've even found out I was in here if your computer hadn't decided to tell you!"

"SILENCE! Now, I'm on a timetable here, so I'm just going to destroy you before you can even try to escape! TA-DAAA!"

Zim gestured towards a giant laser gun beside him.

Dib gulped. "Z...Zim, what is that?"

"This, my most despised rival, is a ray gun that will turn you to pure, unconcentrated orange juice with a single blast! And I shall proceed to drink that orange juice after a hearty meal! Now, you're probably wondering what the science behind this is, and for my final boast before your demise, I shall tell you! You see..."

As Zim went on explaining, Dib looked around frantically for an escape. It was then he noticed the gigantic keyholes on his limbs' restraints. He deduced that he could use the scythe-y part of his hair to pick the locks, then sneak away through the vent on the wall. But he would need something to distract Zim.

"...sweet, citrus-y liquefication!" Zim finished his explanation. "Tak told me to make it from concentrate, but what does she know? Anywho! Dib-scum! Watch your life become inconsequential as I unleash the JUUUICE!"

Dib's eyes widened as Zim reached for the lever. "WAIT!"

"What?!"

"Y-You know...speaking of Tak, it's a little weird that you two live together...when you're not married," Dib said nervously.

"Eh? 'Marr-eed'? Spare me your human nonsense words!" Zim once more prepared to pull the lever.

"I mean it!" Dib cut in. "Eventually, everyone will catch on to the fact that you aren't married, and you'll be...taken in for questioning! They'll all know!"

Zim's paranoia poked him in the side. "Grr...even if I WERE to believe what you say, which I DON'T...I don't know what this 'married' means! So...elaborate! Or I'll juice-ify your stupid jacket!"

"Fine, I'll tell you. For Tak's sake. Really, all you have to do is ask her, Tak, that is, to marry you! That part's called the proposal."

"Um..." Zim released the lever. "Should I be writing this down?"

"Sure, go ahead! I'm not going anywhere!"

While Zim went searching for pen and paper, Dib got to work on those locks. He managed to free both his wrists before his captor returned. The alien didn't even notice that his captive was now sitting up.

"Alright, human! Before I destroy you, what other information do you have about this 'married' thing?"

"Well, after the proposal comes the wedding. It's a party to celebrate the marriage. You'll need a cake, people, and uh, a white dress."

"Uh-huh, uh...huh," Zim took attentive notes, unaware that Dib was breaking out as he spoke. "There! Haha! Now that I've heard all I need, time to orange juice you up!"

"NNNOT TODAY!" Dib proclaimed, standing up triumphantly. "SH-SHAAA!"

In one swift decisive motion, Dib somersaulted off the table and went rolling into the vent.

"AH!" Zim fired the laser a second too late. He ended up turning his nice table into a puddle of OJ. "CURSE YOUUU!"

But Zim's anger soon dissipated as he mentally prepared for the proposal.

XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX

"Do you know what 20% of 200 is? ...Zim!"

"HEH?" Zim was startled out of his thoughts. "Wha-What was the question?"

"We're supposed to be studying!" Tak snapped. "The math test is in a couple hours. What's got you so distracted? That's the third time I've caught you staring into space."

"I..." Zim's eyes darted around the kitchen.

"And don't tell me you've got some ingenious world domination plan, because we both know you don't."

"Hey...!" Zim paused. This was his chance for a clever segue into the proposal. "Actually, I DO have a plan! A plan for both of us...being...together."

 _"BRILLIANT!"_ Zim thought.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about...!" Zim dramatically climbed onto the kitchen table. "I'm talking about us! Not only are we going to rule over this planet, but we're going to rule over it side by side, as- -"

"FOOD'S DONE!"

GIR and MiMi suddenly showed up with a tray of food.

"I made all your favorites, Master!" GIR said with pride. "We got nachos and taquitos and waffles and lil' chippies! The chippies aren't really food, but don't tell nobody about that! Hehe! We gonna eat while we watch the new Angry Monkey episooode!"

"That monkey..." Zim grumbled darkly.

GIR and MiMi raced into the living room with their tray.

Tak faced Zim again. "You were saying?"

"Um...!" Zim completely forgot where he had stopped in his speech. "...we should go watch that monkey! I mean, maybe Season 28 will turn out to be tolerable! HEH!"

"Sure?"

Zim clapped. "Alrighty, then!"

Tak stared after Zim as he hurried out of the room. It was obvious to her that something was still bothering him.

XXXXXXXANGRYMONKEYXXXXXXX

Zim didn't understand why this was so hard. He'd asked Tak on a date, so this should be the next logical step! But he just couldn't work up the nerve. He truly had no idea what might happen when he did.

And he only came to regret his indecision more as GIR hogged the snacks while everyone sat watching the Angry Monkey Show. At least the season premiere was decent...

Zim glanced over at Tak, who was still focusing on the math problems from earlier.

 _"Looking to tell that special someone how you really feel, but are too much of a pathetic little wussy to say it out loud?"_

"Hn?" Zim looked up at the TV.

 _"Then stop by Billy Bob Bennett's Banner Barn! We have ridiculously over-sized banners for every romantic occasion, whether it be a first date, senior prom, or even a marriage proposal!"_

Lovey-dovey music played.

When Zim took another look at Tak, he was surprised to find her paying attention to the commercial. Perhaps he had another chance!

"Ahem!" Zim began. "Tak? I- -"

 _"THIS SUMMER! Witness the sequel to the #1 movie in the entire solar system! Gassy Gary 2: Night of the Living Fart Clouds! Twice the farts! Twice the burps! Twice the GARYYY! Rated PG-13."_

Gassy Gary let one rip.

"Ech..." Tak made a face. "What is it, Zim?"

Zim sighed. "Never mind."

Tak didn't pry only because she knew he would open up to her in his own time. Plus, she wasn't in the mood for his denial.

"Well, we should be heading to Skool now."

Still disappointed in himself, Zim nodded and followed Tak out the door.

XXXXXXXWALKINTOSKOOLXXXXXXX

 _"How could I be so cowardly?"_ Zim wondered in his head. _"This should be so EASY...I shall ask her this instant!"_

He determinedly turned to Tak. There were some birds chirping, some bees buzzing; it was enough of a romantic setting! He took a breath.

"Will you marry me?"

"...!" Zim peered in the direction of the speaker.

It was that couple he and Tak always saw at the park, the ones they tried to peep on in Chapter 23...they were sitting on a bench when the man had proposed to the lady.

"You want to get married?!" she cried. "After all you've done?! HOW COULD YOU?!"

"Hey, now!" the man said defensively. "I just thought that if- -"

The woman ran away in hysterics before he could finish.

"Oh, GOD!" He hung his head in defeat. "It was the execution, wasn't it?! I knew I should've ordered from Billy Bob Bennett's Banner Barn!"

Zim looked on in horror as the man continued to sob.

"Hey, Zim."

"HM?!" Zim turned back to Tak.

"There wouldn't happen to be anything bothering you, would there?"

"NO! I'm just fine! Zim is perfectly fine! WATCH ME SKIP!" Zim began skipping the rest of the way to Skool.

"Hmph."

XXXXXXXINCLASSXXXXXXX

Zim was so frustrated. And he was scared and annoyed and just a bit nauseated. All kinds of emotions that should never be combined.

No way would he be able to focus on the day's dismal lesson with this whole proposal thing running through his head! And Dib's smug little face wasn't making things any better. He was just sitting there across the room...learning and stuff! The nerve!

And seated just behind that big-headed human filth was Tak, who seemed a bit irritated. Of course, she was annoyed that Zim continued to act like nothing was wrong. His attempts to get closer to her only seemed to push her further away.

"This isn't right. This isn't right...!" Zim breathed, clutching his knees.

Poonchy tapped his shoulder. "Hey, man, are you okay?"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" the Irken blurted. He began hyperventilating.

"Ms. Bitters! Zim is acting up again!" Dib accused.

"I just...I need to go!" Zim stood up. "I need to drop a load! Or take a sip! Or some other human restroom activity!"

He dramatically dashed out of the room.

"A-Aren't you going to do anything?!" Dib gaped.

"In time, boy. His punishment will come in time..." Ms. Bitters replied ominously.

Meanwhile, Zim was in a bathroom, recovering from his little mental breakdown.

"GUH...this is...this is my reality now! Every part of my being hinges on this proposal!" He gazed at himself in the mirror. "I'm never going to move on with my mission, or my life in general, until I ask...so I'll just have to ask! No more waiting for these arbitrary 'chances'! The next time I see Tak, no matter the circumstance, I shall ask her to marry me!"

Tak entered the bathroom. "Zim."

"AHH!"

"Listen, I thought you would've fessed up to...whatever it is you have to fess up to on your OWN by now, but you haven't. So, allow me," she explained tiredly. "Go ahead. Tell me what's been bothering you."

Zim gave her a very serious look. "...the time has come for my proposal."

"Your wha- -"

"And don't you dare interrupt! It's time for me to further things between us! To do what I should've done several hours ago! To truly stand tall as a proud Irken soldier with a significant other! If only to keep the humans' suspicions at bay, from the depths of my organs, I must ask...! Will you marry me?!"

Tak simply stared at Zim in surprise. His eyes were shut tight and his hands were clasped together like he was begging. He sure seemed genuine enough in his sentiment. Problem was, he didn't exactly explain what it meant to "marry" someone, which Tak felt was an important piece of information. Because she had no idea.

Still, Zim looked like he might keel over and die if she turned him down, so...

"Yes."

Zim's eyes opened. "Heh?"

"I said 'yes', I'll...marry you."

"Y-YOU WILL? HOT DIGGITY!" Zim cheered.

Tak watched Zim run around the bathroom in excitement for a few seconds.

"So, uh...now what?" she inquired.

"AH, YES!" Zim took out his notes. "We should have a wedding right away! First, we need cake."

"What?" Tak was thoroughly confused. "Here? Now?"

Zim went searching for cake. He looked in a urinal.

"Aha! A cake!" He picked up a urinal cake and placed it on the floor. "Yeah, that's what those things are called. Next, we need people! Where can we find people...?"

"This is so weird..." Tak muttered.

Zim went searching once again. He looked under a stall door.

"AH!" the boy in there squeaked. "I wasn't eavesdropping, I swear! AGHH!"

Zim grabbed the kid's leg and dragged him out of the stall.

"There!" he plopped the flustered boy in front of Tak. "A person! One should be more than enough...the final thing we need is a white dress."

"OHHHH, you brought a girl into the boys' bathroom, I'm gonna tell on you!" the kid threatened.

Zim ignored him and looked to Tak for ideas. She only shrugged.

"Hmm..." He scoured the bathroom once more. "Hmm. Hmm? Hmm!"

Zim found some toilet paper and wrapped it around his body.

"White dress!" he declared, taking a diligent stance before Tak. "Human worm! Dispense the love words!"

"Okayyy...and then I can finish what I was doing before?"

"Sure, whatever."

"GOOD. A-HEM! We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of these two weird kids in holy matrimony. I'd object to this, but, uh, I really gotta get back to my business...so, I now pronounce you husbando and waifu. Now smooch your lady, man."

"Oh! Hehe," Zim planted kisses all over Tak's face.

"Tch! Hey." She pushed him back. "You always get carried away. That aside, may I ask what all this accomplished?"

"Well...! Our...SOULS are closer together! More connected, more intertwined! Now, even in the next world, we shall be together!" Zim fabricated on the spot.

"Oh...cool?"

"Yeah. Great. Now, if you two don't mind..." That random kid shuffled back towards the toilet.

The bathroom door opened.

"Hey, Ms. Bitters wanted me to tell you that you have ultimate detention- -"

Dib was met with a very odd scene; Tak was agitatedly poking a urinal cake on the floor, Zim (whose torso was wrapped in toilet paper) was hugging her from behind, and there was a boy with his pants down waddling away from them.

"...I can come back later."

* * *

(A/N: Oof, sorry this took a while. It needed LOTS of editing, and I've been busy preparing for college! I'm just glad to have it over and done with. Anyway, I...really don't have anything else to say...huh

Sooo, remember to review, fave, follow and check out my profile for more! Au revoir!)


	25. Forgiveness

(A/N: ISS CHAPTER 25. ISS GUD

It was another one of **DarkDremora** 's ideas! That's right, after over a year, I have finally fulfilled all their requests. Credit where credit is due!

Now that I think about it, this whole "going in list order" thing I've been doing is kinda shaky what with how randomly I put ideas on that list, and every time I look at it I sweat thinking about how much more typing I have to do...so from now on, the request chapters shall have greater presidence! Rejoice! And now for a quick reply!

 **Guest** : Thanks so much! Really glad you enjoy my writing! I try. But yeah, it's a darn shame there aren't that many ZATR fics anymore...I love reading what's there, though.

READ ON!)

* * *

Ch. 25: Forgiveness

 _Summary: Tak tries to make up for what she's done to Zim in the past._

* * *

"Ba-ba-ba-ba! No, that's not it."

"Do-do-do-do! Mm?"

"No. Da-da-da-da! Is that it?"

"No!"

"UM," Tak cut into Zim and GIR's exchange. "What's up with the noises?"

"We're trying to remember the MacMeaties jingle!" Zim replied.

Tak tiredly glanced at MiMi before speaking again. "I thought you hated that place and everything it stands for."

"I do, and I always will, but they're having a contest for whoever can remember that old tune from Earth's 1970s period, and the winner gets a prize of immeasurable worth! They say doesn't exist in record format anywhere! So I had Computer do 'some digging' and he was able to play it for us before we left the base!"

"And, let me guess, you forgot it already? Before we've even gotten there?"

"Maybe."

"Why can't you just call your computer and listen to it again? Your PAK is connected to the house, isn't it?"

"It is, but my communication device hasn't been working because SOMEONE dropped their rubber piggy collection on it yesterday!" Zim turned back to his SIR unit. "GIR, you've got to have some kind of playback device in your head! I've seen in there! Just repeat what Computer said!"

"Hrrgh...!" GIR grunted as he tried to do so.

Tak rolled her eyes. Zim and GIR had just pulled her and MiMi out of the house with no explanation besides "it's important". So, of course she was disappointed (but not particularly surprised) to find out it was just some dumb contest. She momentarily ceased glaring at the sidewalk.

"Hey, so, uh- -WATCH OUT!" Tak yanked Zim's collar back as a car zoomed past him.

"OWWW-uh!" Zim rubbed his neck. "What was that about?!"

"Are you blind?! You were about to get run over! You'd be flattened by now if it weren't for me!"

"Yeah, yeah," Zim said nonchalantly. "OH, and I was so close to remembering it...!"

Tak steamed as she waited for the road to be clear. Once it was, the quartet crossed it and continued on their way to MacMeaties.

 _"Moron!"_ Tak thought angrily. _"I'll never understand how he managed to survive so long without me!"_

...

Come to think of it, Tak had come pretty close to ending Zim's life. When she'd attempted to hollow out the planet, and she and Zim engaged in that space battle, she was trying to kill him. Not to mention the fact that she had demolished his base, hijacked his mission and dealt him all kinds of physical pain when he first tried to take her on a "magical love adventure".

True, she had been getting back at Zim for ruining her life, Tak had since realized her initial reasoning for despising him didn't exactly hold up...

As astonished as she was to admit it, Tak actually felt guilty for having put Zim through that. No wonder Zim was always so difficult and disobedient; he was probably still holding a grudge against her.

 _"He's so petty!"_ Tak thought to herself. _"If that's how it's gonna be, then fine! I'll prove to him how forgiving I am...maybe that'll fix his attitude! Yeah, that's it."_

"Meh-meh-meh-mehhh!" Zim tried to harmonize. "Ugh, that isn't it either. See, I would've had it by now if Tak hadn't distracted me!"

Suddenly, Tak remembered why she didn't treat Zim particularly nicely. He was such a pain.

"Hey, MiMi, could you give me a slap real quick?" Tak requested. "I feel like I need one."

The SIR unit shrugged and slapped her mistress across the face.

"NGH! Geez! You could've held back a bit...!" Tak grumbled, rubbing her bruised cheek. "Thanks anyway...hey, Zim?"

"Mm?"

"Can you recall that jingle yet?"

"Mmmm, not yet."

"Then I have a proposition for you!" Tak spoke in an overly upbeat tone.

Zim halted. "A what?"

"An offer," Tak elaborated. She seriously questioned Zim's vocabulary sometimes... "You all go on ahead, I'll run back to the house and have your computer play the jingle again. Then I'll meet you at the restaurant and recite it to you. How about that?"

"I mean, if you'd be willing to run all that way..." Zim seemed unsure.

"Of course! For my sweet Zim, I would!"

"And you would really have to BOOK it, the contest will be starting soon."

Tak paused. She hadn't exactly considered that. "...of course! I'll be back in a jiffy, ha-ha...!"

So, she took off back down the street. She constantly had to stop for vehicles to drive by, and each time, they seemed to take longer. But after a thoroughly maddening run, Tak made it back to the base and burst through the door.

"COMPUTER!"

The computer groaned. "He forgot the jingle, didn't he?"

"Yes..." Tak panted.

"Here."

A deep _"laaaaa"_ played.

"...are you kidding me? That's it?!" cried Tak.

"Yep. You're welcome."

Tak just stood there catching her breath a little longer. She was putting herself through this exhaustion so Zim ( _Freakin' ZIM!_ ) would forgive for something she had every right to attempt doing! But she couldn't lie to herself, she felt remorseful. Oh, how things had changed.

Knowing the trek to MacMeaties was going to be even longer and more stressful, Tak took a deep breath and hurried out of the house. She ran past all those streets, all those people, all those cars, trucks, motorcycles and whatever else, until she was literally dragging herself towards MacMeaties.

A rather sizeable crowd had gathered in front of the eating establishment.

"Mi...MiMi...!" she breathed.

Thankfully, her SIR unit (somehow) heard her and scampered out of the crowd toward her. She gave her mistress a somewhat pitying look, then carried her over to Zim and GIR behind the contest stage. MiMi tapped Zim's leg.

"Hm? Oh, THERE you are! I'm up next!" Zim cupped Tak's face in his hands. "Quick, what's the jingle?"

"...LAAAAA..." Tak uttered, out of breath.

"Ah, yes, that was it!" Zim dropped her. "My turn!"

He impatiently waited for the current contestant to finish getting it wrong, then dashed onstage and snatched the microphone from them.

"MINE!" he snapped. "Prepare your earholes, human worms, for ZIM has your resolution! Any applause?!"

"Uh, yayyy," A single random citizen awkwardly cheered.

"...ahem. Laaaaa!" Zim sang.

The contest crowd turned to the announcer, who had fallen asleep.

"H-Huh...?" he stirred. "Oh, uh, yes, that's correct! We have a winner! Finally..."

"Yes, yes, now, bestow upon me the prize of immeasurable worth!" Zim demanded as a few people clapped for him.

"Uhh, here ya go," the announcer handed the Irken a small slip of paper. "50% off any item at MacMeaties for the rest of your life!"

"...are you kidding me? That's it?!" cried Zim.

"Yep. Congratulations!"

As the crowd dispersed and the restaurant crew began packing everything up, Zim scurried back to Tak, GIR and MiMi.

"GIR, you fool!" he scolded. "You told me the prize was one of immeasurable worth! I am thoroughly dissatisfied!"

"I WAS RIGHT, THOUGH!" GIR grabbed the coupon and started waving it around proudly.

"Ugh, GIR..." Zim turned to Tak, who was back on her feet. "Well, Tak, it's a shame you went to all that trouble, but just remember this; at the end of the day, this was GIR's idea, this was GIR's fault, so if you're going to unleash your fury on anyone here, i-it should be GIR, not me. I hope we're clear on that."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to unleash any fury."

"You're not? But- -"

"NOPE. Not a big deal. It's fine," Tak huffed.

"Sssomething about your reaction is strange, but I can't quite put my finger in it."

"On it."

"Whatever. Why aren't you upset?! I certainly would be if I were you! Besides, don't you think I, as your partner, have a right to knowww?"

"FINE..." Tak was somewhat embarrassed about it. "Well, I was just thinking back to all the awful things I did to you the first time I came to Earth, and maybe I actually felt kind of bad about it, so I was just trying to be nice to you, so maybe you'd let it go. You jerk!"

"Oh. Awful things, huh?"

"YEAH! What, have you forgotten?"

"Maybe."

"I threw meat at you! I soaked you with barbecue sauce! I put you through SO much pain, wrecked your base, nearly took your invasion mission for myself, and came VERY close to killing you! Don't you remember?!"

"If you say so! But hey, it's not like any of that matters now! Because I'm still here, you're still here, and we're still on a mission. So, you have nothing to feel bad about," Zim said quite matter-of-factly. He patted Tak's shoulder. "I thank you for accompanying me today. Now, let's go home and get my communicator fixed."

Tak trailed behind Zim, GIR and MiMi in silence on their way back to the base.

"None of that matters now..." she muttered in contemplation. "That means he forgives me."

She finally smiled to herself. All in all, Tak was so glad her plan to take Zim's mission had failed. Because if it hadn't, she wouldn't be with him now. And even though she'd never say it out loud, she wouldn't trade being with Zim for anything.

* * *

(A/N: Heyyy, sorry this chapter took a while. Still got scheduling THINNNGS to work out! But, uh, I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter, especially DarkDremora. Not exactly the funniest one, but I think it turned out alright. And that's all I really have to say...

Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes, check out my profile for more! See ya next time!)


	26. NOTES!

(A/N: Ummm, I dunno what to say for this one. It's just silly, and I hope you enjoy. There's lots of italics in it...I apologize if it's confusing. Now, a reply!

 **Guest** : My gooosh! It's reviews like this that keep me going. I can't thank you enough for the kind words, especially since I was having a particularly crappy day when I read them. So nice of you and I'm so glad you like my stories so much. Lots more to come!

Now, to the story!

* * *

Ch. 26: NOTES!

 _Summary: Zim and Tak pass notes to each other in class._

* * *

 _"...and thus began mankind's search for sentient extraterrestrial life. It is suspected that although life may exist on distant planets, none of it is intelligent enough to make contact with us or even have discernable languages of their own. Let alone advanced technology like interstellar travel. So, it can only be assumed that if we ever find aliens, then they will be much too primitive and underdeveloped for proper communication, which explains why they have yet to attempt such with Earth..."_

Zim was shaking violently in his seat. This documentary was irritating him to no end. Every word out of that ignorant narrator's mouth angered him more and more.  
But it wasn't exactly like he could vocalize this, for Ms. Bitters was listening closely as she kept her eyes glued to the documentary. She had sworn to personally "deal with" anyone who spoke during it, and Zim knew all too well what that entailed.

Still, he had to vent somehow! They were only a few minutes in, but any more of this and he might explode!

He couldn't help but wonder whether or not Tak felt the same way. She'd better!

Zim pulled out a sheet of paper and got to work writing down every single issue he had with the documentary. He made sure to write super small, and he ended up completely covering both sides. His wrist was throbbing by the time he finished, but it was worth it. He neatly folded the note and took aim. Complex equations ran through his mind as he calculated the trajectory.

He tossed it, and...! It landed right on Tak's desk!

She nonchalantly picked it up and examined it. After a few seconds passed, she produced her own paper and wrote something on it. She made it into a paper airplane and threw it to Zim. He immediately unfolded it and read it.

 _"Zim,_

 _You can't honestly expect me to read all that. Just chill out and watch the documentary._

 _-Tak"_

Zim scoffed a silent scoff. He flipped the paper over and furiously began his response.

Tak smirked at this; Zim looked like an absolute madman the way he was writing. It was kind of funny. Not much time went by before a crumpled up note landed on her desk. She uncrumpled it.

 _"Tak,_

 _No, I will NOT 'just chill out'! How are you not offended by this?!_

 _-Zim"_

Tak thought of what she could say to get an even funnier reaction. But she couldn't make it too outlandish or Zim would disregard it. She wrote down below Zim's message and flung it to him. It read:

 _"Zim,_

 _You're being way too sensitive. If anything, we should be glad mankind is clueless about this stuff. Less trouble for us. So, let them say whatever untrue stuff they want._

 _-Tak"_

She snickered to herself as Zim jostled his desk in frustration. He wrote a reply and flung the paper back. Tak excitedly unfolded it and read it.

 _"Tak,_

 _You're being way too INsensitive! The humans are spreading complete lies about us! They're making things up about lifeforms they know nothing about! They need to pay!_

 _-Zim"_

The paper soon landed back on Zim's desk.

 _"Zim,_

 _Quit acting like a smeet._

 _-Tak"_

The paper hit Tak square in the jaw.

 _"Tak,_

 _I AM NOT ACTING LIKE A SMEET! I AM UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS! SO STOP TREATING ME LIKE I DON'T FEEL THINGS, YOU NON-FEELER PERSON!_

 _-Zim"_

Tak held her stomach to keep the laughs in. She took a deep breath, deciding she had messed with Zim enough. She didn't want him to have a stroke or anything, after all. The paper ricocheted off the scythe of Dib's hair and Zim caught it.

 _"Zim,_

 _Alright, maybe the humans are taking it a little far, but they just don't know any better. You know how dumb they are. Besides, think about it this way. Imagine how shocked they'll be when we finally conquer them all. It'll be hilarious!_

 _-Tak"_

About a minute later, the paper returned to Tak.

 _"Tak,_

 _I suppose you aren't wrong._

 _-Zim"_

She thought carefully and wrote her reply in a somewhat smug manner. Zim jumped a little when the paper came flying back.

 _"Zim,_

 _That's better. You're so much more fetching when you aren't whining._

 _-Tak"_

Zim felt his face heat up as he read the note again and again. He tried to look at Tak to see if she was messing with him, but he could barely see her past the other students, and the room was dim. He made an attempt to write a response by putting his pencil to the paper. Nothing came to him.

"...!" Zim squinted as the lights turned on. "HEH?"

"Everyone clear your desks," Ms. Bitters ordered. "Time for a quiz on the documentary."

"Wait, what?"

XXXXXXXABOUTAWEEKLATERXXXXXXX

"FAILED?!" Zim exclaimed, waving his graded quiz around. "How could I fail?!"

Tak met him outside the classroom. "That's what happens when you spend half the class passing notes."

"How did you score, then?"

"Failed," Tak shrugged. "Missed every question."

"Rrrgh! We should march back in there and- -!" Zim stopped himself. "...never mind."

"Never mind?"

"Never mind! Let's just go home. Whining wouldn't help anything." Zim abruptly turned and exited the building.

Tak was confused, but followed Zim anyway. Suddenly, he looked much more fetching.

* * *

(A/N: Ahhh, so lame. I could've sworn I read a ZATR story with a similar plot to this...if that's true, then that's totally unintentional. By the way, if you don't know what "fetching" means and were too lazy to look it up, it's basically another word for "attractive", but I'm sure the context helped you figure that out.

Anywho, hope you enjoyed! Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more! SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA, BOIII  
...th-that was a joke, sorry.)


	27. Protecting What's Yours

(A/N: I'm BAAAECK! Chapter 27; crazy, eh? That reminds me, I did some random math equations and found out that of all my multi-chapter stories, "Tak Is Back" had my fastest update speed, at a rate of about 2 chapters per month, and this story's a close second. Sure you were all curious about that...

Anyway, this chapter's another request/suggestion from **Sandshrew master 317**! Hope you like it, man. Fortunately, I didn't take quite as long to write this one. Quick reply!

 **Guest:** Thanks once again! ^^ Feel free to go off as often as you like, haha. I'm glad that (so far) I think I've kept a good balance with Zim and Tak's canon characters and the "development"(?) I have given them. It's worth the effort to get feedback like this!

Now read on and get ready for s'more italics!

* * *

Ch. 27: Protecting What's Yours

 _Summary: Zim, GIR, Tak and MiMi all get some much-needed revenge..._

* * *

Zim and Tak had just arrived home from Skool and as usual, GIR and MiMi were there to greet them.

"Master!" GIR ran up and hugged Zim's leg. "I missed your leg so much! My aim's getting better, though..."

MiMi simply waved at Tak.

Suddenly, Zim seemed to remember something. "...heyyy, GIR. Come with me, I need to go do...SOMETHING. A something of importance!"

"Okie-dokie!" GIR put his puppy disguise on and crawled up the front of Zim's tunic.

"Something?" queried Tak. "Do you need me for that 'something'?"

"Mmmn, no, GIR and I can handle it," Zim replied. "Maybe I'll tell you about it later."

"Fine. I'll just stay here with MiMi, then," Tak said nonchalantly.

Zim saluted her and hurried out of the house with GIR.

The robot's head popped out of his master's collar. "What's the something we gonna do, Master? See a ball game? Catch a movie?"

"No, GIR, we're going to get REVENGE," Zim said darkly.

"Oooh. On who?"

"See for yourself, through this convenient flashback!"

 _*flashback*_

 _"Hey, guys, you know that Tak chick?"_

 _"Hm?" Zim turned his attention to three rather brutish boys grouped together on the playground._

 _"Yeah, what about her?"_

 _The one who seemed to be the leader of the trio spoke again. "Well, we're all growing boys with the need to assess every female we see. So what's the general consensus on her?"_

 _"On a scale to 1 to 10? ...2. If even," one of his lackeys stated._

 _"And dumb!" the other piped up. "I mean, what's up with the way she talks? People who don't talk like me are inferior!"_

 _"Agreed. And to top it all off, that cat that follows her around is a fleabag. My dog could own that any wuss puss any day of the week," the leader stated._

 _"Yeah, most likely."_

 _"WHAAA?!" Zim gasped incredulously. He stormed over to them. "How dare you?! How dare you speak of Zim's mate this way, you boarish, brainless human- -hey, hey, what are you doing? AAAGH!"_

 _The three boys, being rather brutish, threw Zim in a dumpster, hopped onto some skateboards and rolled away in satisfaction._

 _The furious Irken dug himself out from under the trash. "Zim will rain sweet, hot revenge down upon on you! THIS I SWEAR! Ptoo!" He spat out some garbage. "Hey! This tastes better than the cafeteria_ _food!"_

 _*end flashback*_

"So that's what happened, GIR!" Zim concluded the tale.

GIR eyed him blankly. "Sooo they said mean things about MiMi?"

"Yes!"

GIR's eyes turned bright red. "LET'S GET 'EM."

XXXXXXXMEANWHILEXXXXXXX

Tak patiently waited until she figured Zim was far enough away. "MIMI!"

The SIR unit appeared at her side.

"We have a little mission of our own to go on."

MiMi looked confused.

"Let me explain..."

 _*'nother flashback*_

 _"Doo-dee-doo-doo..." Tak made her way into a bathroom stall._

 _She would go in there most days just to get away from it all. And to see how the various cafeteria foods reacted to the toilet water. There were some legitimately interesting results.  
_ _She groaned silently as three girls entered the bathroom and started chattering._

 _"OMG, like, on the topic of boys and boy-related topics, what about Zim?"_

 _"What ABOUT him?"_

 _The girls seemed to find that hilarious._

 _"He's just SO dumb! Like, OMG, how clueless can you be?"_

 _"Always talking 'Zim this', 'Zim that'! Like, shut up!"_

 _Tak nodded to herself. They had a point._

 _"OMG, like, I know, right? OMG, some people, like, just have no idea how to, like, talk."_

 _"And I know he says he has a skin condition or whatever, but OMG, don't come to Skool with it! Like, did he get that condition from his stupid dog, or did he give it to him?"_

 _"Haha!"_

 _"OMG, HIS DOG! I forgot all about his dog!"_

 _"SOOO STUPID!" they declared in one voice. "Hahahaha!"_

 _"And worse, his color is so last season..."_

 _"Like, long story short, they're nobodies. Plain and simple."_

 _"Yeahhh!"_

 _Tak was narrowing her eyes more and more as she listened. These three were way in over their heads if they thought they knew everything about Zim. And she knew MiMi wouldn't take too kindly to what they'd said about GIR. (Even if it was kinda true...they had no room to talk!)  
She got a good look at the trio through a small crack in the stall door._

 _"OMG, you guys, let's go to the mall after school. I wanna go to the mattress store and lie down on all the mattresses without actually buying them."_

 _"OMG, me too!"_

 _And the girls left._

 _"REVENGE..." Tak swore._

 _*end flashback*_

MiMi looked more than willing to help her mistress.

"So, I got a little surprise," Tak reached behind her back. "I fixed up my hypnotism device! All it needs is a little charge. Care to do the honors?"

As it was held out to her, MiMi touched the device and transferred some electricity to it.

Tak put it on. "Now I can find those floozies and get my revenge! Wanna watch?"

MiMi wagged her tail and followed Tak out of the house.

XXXXXXXMEANWHILEAGAINXXXXXXX

Zim and GIR reached a skate park.

"Judging by those humans' mode of transportation, I can deduce that were probably headed here!" Zim explained as he scanned the crowd. "Aha! There they are! Come, GIR!"

"Yeah, get him, girl!" The "leader" among the boys was commanding his dog to attack smaller children and watching with delight. "The muscularly challenged don't deserve to skate at our park!"

His two friends high-fived him.

"HEYYY!" Zim hollered.

"Hi!" GIR waved.

"Shush, GIR."

The boys turned their attention to the duo, but didn't seem to recognize Zim.

"Um...have you been to this park before? Do you even have a skatebo- -"

"SILENCE!" Zim interrupted them. "I AM ZIM, and Zim is here to take revenge on you for the blatant falsehoods you said about Tak!"

"Also MiMi!" GIR added.

"GIR, shush."

"Hey, man, we say blatant falsehoods about a lot of people. You can't expect us to remember every single one."

"Hmph!" Zim pulled out what looked like a TV remote. "Then smell the wrath of my latest, greatest, most vengeful invention!"

"Is that one of those universal remotes?"

"What're you gonna do, mute us?"

"Yep!" GIR answered the taunts.

"RRRGH, NO, YOU FOOLS!" growled Zim. "This remote control has a built-in fusion ray with the power to fuse any and all organic beings on a molecular level! This is my ultimate revenge plan!"

"Wait. You're gonna fuse us together?" The squad leader raised an eyebrow. "Stupid kid! That'll just make us into one giant man! Boy. Thing. He'd be bigger, stronger, faster, smarter...y'know what? Go ahead and do it! Right, guys?"

"Yeah, go on!"

"We're all basically the same character anyway."

The lackeys seemed to be in agreement.

"Heh-HEHHH, you asked for this," Zim chuckled, turning the remote on. He aimed it at the three boys and fired.

The blast resulted in an extremely horrific creature; it had 3 pairs of each appendage, all sticking haphazardly out of a grotesque wad of flesh that looked like some kind of junky abstract sculpture. This new triple-entity was freaked out by its mere existence.

"BLEH..." Zim uttered. "Didn't think they'd turn out THAT disgusting. Perhaps I shouldn't tell Tak about this..."

He watched the freak of nature tumble into the midst of the skateboarders and cause multiple accidents before whistling awkwardly and facing GIR.

"Hey, where'd that human's mutt go?"

"I ate 'er!" GIR said cheerfully.

"Bad, GIR! I was gonna fuse it too! Oh, well. Guess I won't be needing this anymore," Zim tossed the fusion remote over his shoulder.

Some random kids picked it up and ran off to have all kinds of fun with it.

"Now, let's leave this place and never return. All the HUMAN is making me sick."

XXXXXXXMEANWHILEYETAGAINXXXXXXX

Tak and MiMi approached the three girls the moment they exited the mattress store.

They looked the duo up and down. "Like...can we help you?"

Tak crossed her arms. "You three were the ones talking about Zim earlier today..."

"Yeah, and?...wait, how'd you know that?"

"I'll give you ONE chance to take back what you said. Otherwise, I'm going through with my revenge."

The first girl turned to her pals. "OMG, she actually feels bad for him."

"OMG, is that legal?" the second asked.

"I don't think it is..." pondered the third. "Like, what's the number for 911? Because I'm SO calling them."

"Guh..." Tak clenched her fists. "I can't stand people like you! Thankfully, there isn't a doubt in my mind that this'll work on you..."

A glint ran across Tak's eyes and the girls became slaves to her whim.

"That's better," the Irken smirked. "Now beat each other senseless! Really go at it!"

The three simultaneously tilted their heads in confusion.

Tak sighed. "You've all unfriended each other on social media."

"OMG, I'LL, LIKE, KILL YOU!" the trio exclaimed as they broke into a ferocious fight.

They began causing a fair amount of damage to the mall around them. Windows were smashed, stands were crushed and expensive items went flying everywhere. And of course, all the shoppers and mall employees did was cheer them on and record it on their phones. It was a real sight for Tak and MiMi to behold.

"MiMi, I know you want to stay and watch them tear each other apart...trust me, I do too, but we have to get back to the base before Zim and GIR do."

The SIR unit gave her a puzzled look.

"Look, as much as I care about Zim, I don't want him to get all...GROSS when he finds out I stuck up for him. He'd never shut up about it!"

MiMi knew this to be true. She solemnly followed Tak out of the mall.

XXXXXXXSOONXXXXXXX

Tak peeked in through the kitchen window. "I don't think they're back yet. Heheh, _poifect_."

She opened it up and slunk inside along with MiMi.

"Hah, Zim won't suspect a single thing," Tak strolled over and sat on the couch. "I bet we got here just in the nick of time."

 **30 MINUTES LATER**

"...what's taking them so long?!" Tak asked impatiently. "I could've been watching that fight this entire- -!"

As if on cue, the front door opened and Zim and GIR came in.

"Hi!" Tak greeted them.

"Hiii," Zim waved stiffly. "What have you been doing since we left?"

"Nnnothing," Tak patted the cushioning. "Just been sitting here doing nothing. What about you?"

"Nothin'...!" Zim replied. "GIR and I just went out and did nothing..."

"Oh."

"..."

"..."

Zim, GIR and MiMi joined Tak on the couch as she turned on the TV.

 _"THIS JUST IN! Six children sent to the emergency room in a single afternoon?! ...YES, I-I'm not sure why I phrased that as a question. Three young girls and three young boys (or perhaps some kind of mutant triple-boy?) were all rushed into the ER today! The girls are blemished beyond belief and running low on blood, while the boys are just disgusting in general. It is unknown what caused these damages, but will there be a proper investigation? This reporter says 'heck no'! More on this story after these messages."_

Zim and Tak had been watching the report in silence...but once it went to commercial, they burst out laughing.

"You're such a liar!"

"Me?! You said you were going out to do something important, how would I believe that story?!"

"Hah..." Zim wiped away a tear.

"So, what did you actually do?" Tak inquired. "Why'd you make those guys all...gross?"

"Ah, well, I overheard those humans BADMOUTHING you, so I took it upon myself to teach them a lesson," Zim explained smugly. "Them and their little dog too. And GIR helped, I guess."

Tak's eyes widened. "You don't say."

"I do say! No need to thank me. Now why did YOU go and brutalize those humans?"

"Well, uh, believe it or not, me and MiMi got them for the same reason. I heard them talking about you and your robot, so..."

"REALLY?" Zim was intrigued. "Zim has many questions!"

"You get ONE."

"...!" Zim took a deep breath. "Why did you do it?"

"Ugh, what a waste of a question," Tak reached over and pinched his cheek. "I did it because I'm the only one who insults you and gets away with it!"

"Ow-w-w!" Zim waved her hand off. "I get it! NYEH!"

"Heh," Tak held up the remote as GIR and MiMi hugged each other. "What do you want to watch, Zim?"

"Eh. Keep it here."

* * *

(A/N: Ahhh, doing requests makes me anxious, especially one this specific. Don't wanna let the readers down, y'know...but I think this turned out satisfactory.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more if you did, and I shall see you next time! Au revoir!)


	28. Pet Show

(A/N: Hiya! Welcome back! Lemme hurry this up here...  
Thanks so much for the nice reviews last chapter! I was nervous about it, but everything worked out.

 **Guest** (Oct. 21): Ah, I love it when people appreciate the details. To answer your little inquiry, I see myself as more of a comedic writer. I admit I am a sucker for romance, but I find it somewhat difficult to write/draw something without throwing in at least one joke. Also, the Jimmy Neutron thing you were thinking of might have been the unfinished IZ episode "When Pants Ruled" (eventually re-worked into Issue 8 of the comics). The concept was very similar to the JN episode "When Pants Attack". Once again, very grateful for the praise!

 **Guest** (Oct. 27): I'm assuming you were addressing **qayyumforgood** when you wrote this review...I've PMed them, explaining that there wasn't supposed to be a moral and all that. I won't get into it here, but no, Chapter 27 won't be followed up on.

Now, before the many requests I have to do, here's a story I came up with all by mahself!)

* * *

Ch. 28: Pet Show

 _Summary: Zim and Tak want to enter GIR and MiMi in a pet show._

* * *

"TA-DAAA!" Zim came bursting through the front door carrying an absurd number of posters.

Tak, GIR and MiMi turned away from the TV (broadcasting the recent salad shortage nobody cares about) towards him.

GIR waved. "Hi, Master!"

"Oh, Zim, you're back from...where'd you go?" asked Tak.

"I was looking at _flyers_ ," Zim clarified. He began rifling the ones he had. "You see, every other Sunday around this time, the middle of the city becomes rife with paper advertisements for all kinds of human events and meetings! Like they'd be able to keep them hidden from me...I usually go to see if there's anything worth investigating, but in typical human fashion, most of it is pretty mundane. They have beauty pageants, charity marathons, monster truck rallies, truck shows, parades, monster truck parades, truck rallies, truck parades, monster truck shows; need I go on?"

"No."

"Anyway, back to my dramatic entrance...TA-DA!" Zim showed off a big poster for an upcoming pet show. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, hmmm?"

"Oh, no..." Tak shook her head. "Three questions."

"Fair enough."

"First off, is the prize good?"

Zim checked. "It is! A lifetime supply of all-natural Poop Dawg Bizkitz! I have a whole plan ready for it and everything, which I shall fill you in on at a later date."

"Sure," Tak said skeptically. "Secondly, why'd you bring all those flyers if you were only going to show us the one?"

"Backup plan...s."

"And a reluctant third, you were planning on entering with GIR, weren't you?"

"Of course!" Zim patted GIR's head. Well, it was more like he smacked it a couple times. "His lil' dog disguise is rather charming. The judges would love it! THEY'D LOVE IT."

"I'm gonna have to object to that. You can't seriously expect _your_ robot to behave and do all the things a pet show requires."

"But GIR has been obeying me somewhat more often than usual! GIR, play dead!" Zim ordered.

GIR entered Duty Mode and tore his own head off. "BLEGHH! AGHHH! Hehe!"

"SEE?!"

"As...'entertaining' as that was, we should really enter MiMi instead. She'll do exactly as she's told. Let's be honest, GIR will just mess everything up."

"What?!" gasped Zim. "You doubt my leadership?! Why, I oughta...give you a judgmental glare!"

"Before you do that," Tak held her hands up. "Perhaps we should ask GIR and MiMi what _they'd_ like to do."

"Fine!" huffed Zim. "Which of you wants to enter?"

The SIR units shrugged.

"Why not both?" suggested GIR.

"NO!" Zim said immediately. "Because I don't want to be forced to put up with any sniveling when one of you loses! And only one entry per household is permitted anyway! They always check for these things."

Tak gave Zim a look, knowing he'd be the only one to throw a fit about losing. "Come on, neither of you have any strong feelings one way or the other?"

"Well, they ARE just robots."

"Hmph! I believe they're more like people than robots, Zim."

"GIR is, at least. The Tallest DID give him to me especially for this mission, after all. MiMi is just...well," Zim hesitated, noticing Tak was narrowing her eyes. "...standard."

"Then let's settle this between ourselves! Arm wrestling!" she challenged.

"Arm wrestling?" scoffed Zim. "As if Zim would ever take part in such- -"

"What, are you afraid to lose?"

"OH! It is ON in a method corresponding to that of Donkey Kong!"

Zim carried a side table drawer over to the middle of the room and slammed his elbow onto it. Tak did the same and grabbed his hand. He gulped as he did the countdown.

"Ready...set..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...GO!" Zim finally declared, and began trying to force Tak's arm down with all his might. "Hrrgh! HRRGH! HRRRRRRGH!"

Tak instantly forced his arm the other way.

 _WHAM!_

"I win."

"That didn't count!" Zim protested. "I...wasn't ready!"

"You weren't ready?"

"I wasn't ready!"

"But you're the one who counted down. And you sure took your sweet time with it."

"WHATEVER! Let's go again!" He and Tak set up once more. "...READYSETGO!"

 _WHAM!_

"I win."

"I wasn't ready that time either!"

"You must be really bad at getting ready."

"AGAIN, I SAY!"

"Would you like me to count off this time?"

"If you want!"

"Okay, I will. Ready, steady- -"

 _WHAM!_

"HA! I WIN!"

"ZIM! I WASN'T READY!"

"Excuses, excuses!"

"This obviously isn't working! We need to come up with a different way of settling this."

"Hmm...thumb wrestling!"

"I feel as though we'd run into a similar problem."

"Oh, yeah. Regular wrestling?"

"It doesn't have to be wrestling, you know..."

"I know...I just felt like it...what about paper-rock-scissors?"

"It's 'rock-paper-scissors'. And I don't think you know how to play that."

"Yes, I do! Rock crushes paper, scissors crush...well, rock crushes everything, actually...hmm. Why must you always doubt me?!"

"Why do YOU always act like MiMi is useless?!"

"Yeah, Master!" GIR spoke up.

"AH!" Zim jumped a bit. "I forgot you were still here."

"MiMi's a good kitty!" GIR went on. "She never makes hairballs or throws up on the floor or anything! I do that stuff all the time!"

"That's true," said Zim.

"Mm-hmm. Plus, she's got a big ol' arm. And that's why MiMi's the BEST!"

"Um, thanks?" Tak said awkwardly. She paused and sighed. "That said, it's not like we'd ever be able to pull off an act as good as that decapitation thing..."

Without hesitation, MiMi tore her own head off.

"MiMi!" Tak was surprised. "You do that too!"

MiMi gave her a pleased look, and she and GIR began playing around with her disembodied head.

"Huh. I guess they aren't as different as I thought," Zim observed. "...you should enter with MiMi!"

"Me? Nooo," Tak asserted. "I mean, I think you and GIR could pull it off...!"

"No, no, you were the one telling me to be fair! And as sad as it is that it took two SIRs for me to realize it, MiMi's no less valuable than GIR is, so really- -"

"Ah! I've just thought of a compromise!"

"Oh." Zim glanced aside. "What is it?"

"I can enter with MiMi for the pet show, only she'll be in GIR's disguise! That way, she'll have the charm and the talent!"

"Oh-ho!" Zim pointed at his head. "Smart!"

"Yeah, I must've gotten it from you," Tak rolled her eyes in that loving-but-slightly-condescending way.

MiMi had since put her head back on her body. GIR gave her his puppy costume and she adorned it. Her arm kind of ripped out the side of it, but it still looked good, dangit!

"Perfect!" Tak and Zim petted her.

GIR put on his little boy disguise (you know, the one where his eyes are in the mouth) and the quartet made their way to the pet show place.

XXXXXXXATTHEPETSHOWPLACEXXXXXXX

"Wow, we got here with no trouble at all!" Zim faced Tak. "I just love it when everything goes perfectly according to plan without getting derailed in the third act! Don't you?"

"No."

"Now let's get you two entered!" Zim excitedly pushed her and MiMi up to the counter.

Tak cleared her throat. "My dog and I would like to enter the upcoming pet show, please."

The desk employee squinted down at MiMi. "Is that dog green?"

"UM, excuse me," Zim cut in. "That's breedist."

"Yeah, just give me the application or whatever to fill out," Tak said impatiently.

The employee scoffed and checked something on her computer. "Nobody does applications on paper anymore...did you register online? Because the deadline was yesterday."

"Umm- -"

"YES! Yes, she did that thing that you said!" Zim interrupted again before whispering to Tak. "They never check for these things."

"...oh, cool," muttered the clerk. "Now you just need to pay the entry fee of 250 dollars."

"$250?!" Zim repeated. "The flyers didn't tell me about this! Doesn't this establishment have that thing that lets Skool children pay less?"

"You mean a student discount? We do, actually. Are you a student?"

"Unfortunately," Tak answered.

"Well, that brings it down to $150."

Zim turned to GIR and MiMi. "Quick, how much Earth monies do you have?"

MiMi only shook her head while GIR rifled around in his disguise.

He pulled out a few bills and coins. "I got 3 dollars and some Bloaty's Pizza Hog tokens!"

"Don't worry. I'll handle this," Tak activated her hypnotism device.

A random bystander noticed the flicker of light. "SECURITY! SHE'S GOT A WEAPON!"

"EEP!" Tak uttered as security guards showed up.

"THEY KNOW! cried Zim. "FLEEEEE!"

He, Tak, GIR and MiMi all went running and screaming out of the building. They didn't stop for quite some time...not until they got a good distance away.

"Well, that effort was fruitless. What are the bloody odds?" Tak quipped after catching her breath.

"The nerve of those people! Requesting monies in exchange for goods and services!" Zim shook his fist at the horizon.

"Don't feel too bad," Tak comforted him. "While we were running from those security guards, they fell down a manhole. And there are sewer creatures down there!"

"True...wait, they did?"

"Yep. Guess you were too scar- -I mean, focused on running to notice. Besides, I just so happened to see those...ugh, 'Poop Dawg Bizkitz' at the pet store in the mall the other day. It might not be a 'lifetime supply', but it'd probably be enough for whatever you have planned. And I almost certainly probably definitely have a plan to get them."

"YOU DO? Wait, were they the all-natural ones?"

Tak gave a little nod.

Zim began shaking all over and making a weird noise.

"UHM...what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm simply experiencing some extraordinary form of joy," Zim explained. "'Elation', if you will."

As he continued his little internal party, Tak dragged him off to the mall, with GIR and MiMi following them.

* * *

(A/N: Well, that chapter...didn't have that much to do with the pet show. But I sorta like titles like that. Sorry it took a while. School, my askblog and...my life in general are really keeping me busy. I GOT THROUGH IT, ANYWAY

If you liked this, please review, fave, follow, check out my profile for more and I shall see you next time! So much more to come! Au revoir!)


	29. Romance Recall

(A/N: Hiya! This chapter is a request from **Jss2141**! Like I said, there'll be a couple more of those coming up, *sweat* but in case y'all aren't too keen on that, I'll still be putting one of my own chapters in between those. In other words, I won't have two requests back-to-back. S'more manageable.  
And as always, thank you all ever so much for the kind words, the encouragement and all that good stuff. It really means a lot!

With the formalities taken care of, let's get the story started! Heh...)

* * *

Ch. 29: Romance Recall

 _Summary: The Tallest find out about Zim's relationship and demand he puts a stop to it._

* * *

"...and that's why I say it's about time the empire extends to the rest of the multiverse!" Zim nearly broke his pointer against the board.

The two Tallests yawned. "Uh, sure, Zim...we'll let you know when our scientists develop the technology to traverse universes."

"And when they discover there's more than one..."

"Thank you, my Tallest!" Zim took a bow. "I am eternally grateful you took time out of your busy schedules to listen to my presentation."

"Yeah...'busy'..." murmured Tallest Red.

"Hey!" Tallest Purple nudged him. "That wasn't funny, you said this would be funny!"

"Shhh!"

"You know, I spent a lot of time on this," Zim gestured to his presenting board, which was coated in tons of haphazardly attached papers. "I started with- -"

Red coughed rather loudly. "DON'TCARE!"

"My Tallest, are you feeling unwell?" asked Zim. "You were coughing quite a bit during my presentation, I recall. Shall I send you another one of my concoction soups?"

"Oh, PLEASE, no."

"Yeah, I think we've had enough ZIM for one reign," Purple prepared to cut the transmission. "But, uh, one last thing, actually. We were just watching the local corrupt news, and we heard that two Irkens were involved in some kind of...what's the word...'romaaance' with each other, which is...abnormal. I think it was you and one other; Sack or Jack or Rack or something. I think. Sound familiar?"

"...that certainly IS abnormal!" Zim blurted. "UH, BUT, NO, I haven't heard anything about that and if I did, I would tell you!"

"Uh-huhhh," Red narrowed his eyes. "You realize there would be penalties to your experience if you acted out of alignment, Zim."

"Pshh! Of course! Who doesn't know that? I sure do! But I assure you, I am single and unwilling to mingle."

"Really? Because y- -"

"NO!"

"Hmm. Okay..."

The transmission was cut.

Zim leaned back against his presentation board. It already weighed on his moral values enough keeping Tak and MiMi secret from the Tallest, but that was different; he did that because Tak preferred it that way. Lying to their faces was a different can of space worms.

But how could this have happened? How had anyone found out about him and Tak? Who told the Tallest? And why? Did the Tallest really suspect Zim? What would they do to him if they found out the truth? Would they double banish him?!

These were only a fraction of the questions buzzing through Zim's head as he took the elevator up out of the lab.

"Ta-daaa!" Tak greeted him. "Look, I had GIR and MiMi make us nachos and waffle cheese! Then I made them leave. You don't have to thank me. Not that you would have anyway."

"Oh...uh," Zim scanned the kitchen in a daze. "How nice."

Tak sat him down at the table and seated herself across from him. "So, how did the presentation go?"

She knew how much the Tallest hated Zim, so she had this meal prepared to soften the blow if their hatred finally got through to him. And it kind of looked like it had.

"It went...WELL," Zim replied anxiously. "Yes, it went very well."

"Is something wrong...?"

"Nooo..."

"Zim."

"...ooo..."

"Zim!"

"...OOO..."

"ZIM!"

"OHHH! DOES NOTHING GET PAST YOU?!" cried Zim. He slammed his face into the table. "The Tallest said that they've SOMEHOW heard about the relationship we're in and they told me to end it or else they'll dock my EXP!"

"Oh...and what'd you say?"

"I lied and told them I didn't know anything about it!"

"And they believed you?"

"I think so!"

"Crisis averted, then!" Tak declared. "Besides, even if they did found out, they probably wouldn't care that much."

"N-No, Tak!" Zim lifted his head up. "This is the Almighty Tallest we're talking about! They're SO clever! They're sure to find out I lied! And I'm their #1 invader! I set an example for all the smeets! They'll be SOOO disappointed in me! I'll probably get banished! Again! Can you do that?! Can you get banished twice?!"

"I don't...know," Tak heaved a sigh. "Look- -"

"I KNOW! We'll just be...what's the word...FRIENDS!"

"'Friends'?"

"The Tallest don't have anything against platonic relationships...as far as I know! So that's just what we'll be in from now on!"

"I don't think you've thought this through..." Tak shook her head. "You realize that would mean no more of your big, romantic gestures, right?"

"Oh, I can quit those!" Zim waved.

"No more dates? No more jealousy? And the most important thing, no more kissing?"

"...UGH!" Zim's face hit the table once more. "I just can't win for losing!"

"Would you stop that? You're going to crack your skull open."

"I don't care," muffled Zim. "The Tallest wouldn't banish me for that..."

He went on to repeatedly bang his head on the table.

"Zim...stop. Look, here's what I'll do," Tak yanked her hypnotism device off the side of her head and slid it over to Zim. "If this is what it'll take for you to calm yourself, use my 'get out of jail free' card."

"...jail?"

"I must remember to watch my phrasing with you..." Tak rolled her eyes. "It's simple. Just hypnotize the Tallest into forgetting all that stuff they heard."

"I can do that?!"

"Of course! Like I said, it's simple. Just make sure you don't use it on anyone TOO smart."

"What?! Tak, this is a bit much for my gentle disposition!" Zim began to panic. "I mean, keeping secrets and lying are one thing...two, actually, but HYPNOSIS? That's kind of...extreme."

"Well, if you're really so worried about this whole ordeal, then here's your way out!" Tak propped her feet up on the table. "And don't even think of asking me to do it for you. I'm still keeping hidden from the Tallest, and no way am I handling your mess for you. So, do you want the device or not?"

"Mmm, FINE!" Snatching it up, Zim stood from the table in a huff. "But just because I'm taking it doesn't necessarily mean I'm using it on the Tallest! I'm still undecided!"

"Sure, sure," Tak dug into the untouched nachos. "Great, now these are lukewarm..."

XXXXXXXBACKTOTHELABAGAINXXXXXXX

Zim paced around in circles thinking of what he should do.

"Sweet Irken shlasagna, what should I do? Can I really go through with hypnotizing my own leaders? ...no! No, perhaps Tak was right! Perhaps I should just let them find out I went behind their backs! Surely they won't think any less of me for it! ...of course they will. I'm too important to them. Ah, my poor Tallest. They just can't quit me...ANYWAY. There's no way I can do this! Absolutely no way! HUMPH!"

He looked down at the hypnotism device in his hand, then up at his reflection in the computer screen. He clenched his fist, gulped and put the device on.

"For...Tak..." he uttered. "COMPUTERCALLTHETALLEST!"

"Calling the Tallest..." Computer grumbled as his master took several deep breaths.

Moments later, the Tallest appeared on the screen, just chillaxing.

"Hey, why'd you pick up?!" Purple snapped at one of the Massive's technicians, who covered his face in shame.

"Ugh, whatever..." sighed Red. "What do you want, Zim? Make it snappy."

"So, umm..." Zim began. "About that rumor you heard..."

"Oh, that," Red said dismissively. "Don't stress yourself, Zim, we know that couldn't have been true."

"Really?"

"Of course. Someone like you wouldn't be involved in something like that."

"Right! You are SO right."

"Yeah, I mean...you are kind of 'attractively challenged'."

"..." A flash ran across Zim's face and the Tallest were slaves to his whim. "Uh, wow, that was easy. Quickly, get everyone on the Massive within my sight!"

Red and Purple nodded, then sped over to an intercom.

"EVERYONE TO THE MAIN CHAMBER IMMEDIATELY!" they demanded.

Seconds later, all the Irkens had filed into the room and with another flash, Zim was controlling them too. He took a deep breath to steady himself.

"When I...snap my fingers, you will all forget what you've heard about my 'personal relations'. Ready?"

"Hey, uh..." one of the Irkens spoke up. "Wait, are you trying to hypnotize us?"

"Uh...no..."

"You totally are!"

"Throw her off the ship!" Zim commanded.

All the others grabbed the accusatory Irken and jettisoned her, screaming, from the ship.

"Okay, now, like I said, I snap, you all forget about this forever. And...!" Zim did so. "Now, about that rumor you heard..."

"What rumor?" they all replied.

"Haha! Perrrfect!" Then Zim's face fell. "...oh, I feel dirty! I can't believe I did this! I, Zim, forcefully controlled the minds of mY OWN- -hey, while I've got you here, could you tell me how the local corrupt news gets their information in the first place? Give me an idea of who to take my anger out on?"

"Anonymous callers provide the stories," the group droned in unison. "Most recently, somebody called in under the name 'MiMi's Best Bud'."

"...GIR!" Zim smacked himself in the forehead. "Note to self: destroy Planet Nustasia and cut off all GIR's access to the media...along with his hands. Okay! You can all go back to normal now!"

The Irkens shook themselves off as they returned to their senses.

"Wha? Zim?" Tallest Red rubbed his head. "What were you calling us for again?"

"Nothing! Computer, end transmission!"

The transmission was ended.

Tallest Purple looked around in confusion. "When did all these extras get in here...?"

Finally feeling relieved, Zim smacked his cheeks and mentally prepared for the next couple hours. Then he remembered he still had the hypnotism device.

"...hmph! Computer, open the incinerator hatch!"

"I never get a break..." Computer whined, but did so anyway.

"Farewell, sweet hypnotism device. Zim knew thee well. But your dark arts cannot go on any longer!" Zim tore it off and cast it into the fire.

Just then, Tak came down the elevator and approached him. "How'd it go?"

She was caught a bit off-guard when Zim hugged her.

"Oh, uh..." She patted his PAK awkwardly. "It went well. Great. I told you not to worry. Now, where's my hypnotism device?"

"...ehmmm..."

XXXXXXXONENEEDLESSLYLENGTHYEXPLANATIONLATERXXXXXXX

"YOU WHAT?!"

"AHHH!"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW RARE THAT WAS?!"

"AHHHH!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

"AHHHHHHH!"

* * *

(A/N: Yay, I deed it. Uh, as usual, hope you enjoyed...I would've been done sooner, but FINALS. But onto some stuff. I know this is a weird thing to do 29 chapters in, but I was thinking of changing the title of this fanfic. I didn't want to go with a general name like "ZATR One-shots" (God knows I was not the first one to come up with the title "Tak Is Back") and I didn't wanna waste forever thinking about the name when I already had the first chapter finished, so I just went with whatever came to me...and honestly, I don't remember how "Life in Love" popped up...there's 2 "L" words in it, so it sounds nice at least. But I'd still like to hear any suggestions for a new title and hopefully it'll be changed within the next few chapters! If not, eh, it ain't a big deal.

Okay, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes, check out my profile and I shall see you next time. Au revoir!

PS, I decided the hypnotism device was kind of OP, so I got rid of it again. Hee...)


	30. The Running Alien

(A/N: Heyyy, happy new year, guys, I'm finally back. I was kinda shaky on that last one, but I pulled through! Thanks for the new title suggestions and keep 'em coming! I'm narrowing things down and like I said, the title will be changed soon. I'll probably alter the description a bit too, just keep an eye on these author's notes. Not-so-quick reply!

 **Jason:** Thanks for reviewing, and I'm flattered that you even went back to read "Tak Is Back" before catching up with this, man! I'm just gonna address all your reviews at once here. First, it's tough to say whether or not making Skoodge unlikable was intentional. I now realize that by making him a nuisance to Zim and Tak, I ran the risk of making him a nuisance to the reader too, particularly in Chapter 22, because despite all the trouble Skoodge caused, he pretty much came out on top... and I emphasized that fact. Looking back, not one of my best ideas... *sweat*  
Second, I dunno if the "my aim is gettin' better" was a Gravity Falls reference specifically, since that wasn't the first place I heard that joke, but I'd be lying if I said Gravity Falls didn't come to mind when I typed it, haha.  
Finally, Tak's fear of needles was first ( _briefly_ ) mentioned in Chapter 17 of "Tak Is Back", "My Arm Hurts". Really for the sake of relatability. Good news is I've pretty much conquered my own trypanophobia since then! I too hope Tak appears in the comics at some point. Even if only for one last hurrah. (:

Prepare for more Skoodge and ellipses, boyos!)

* * *

Ch. 30: The Running Alien

 _Summary: Zim enters a marathon, believing he has...something to prove to Tak._

* * *

"Class, before you leave, listen up. I'm contractually obligated to inform you that this Sunday is the bicentennial charity marathon, held right outside this Skool," Ms. Bitters announced. "Any money you pledge to run for will help the Coveted Lip Foundation...do whatever it is they do. So that's a thing."

"EXCUSEZ-MOI!" Zim spoke. "What's in it for us?"

"Nothing but the reward of knowing you donated to charity."

"Oh...so...nothing?"

"Pretty much."

"Mmm."

None of the students seemed to care, and they filed out of the classroom as the bell rang. Outside, Tak met up with Zim as usual to walk home with him. As he marched, he was staring at the ground.

"So, any ideas about that marathon?" she asked him. "Are you planning to impersonate the CEO of the charity and lead it with a corrupt, iron fist? Or rig up everyone's legs to power a giant doomsday device? Or put mind control serum in their refreshments? Anything like that?"

"Wow." Zim glanced aside. "Uh..."

"Or are you just going to run in it?" she added in a joking tone.

"Perhaps I will!"

"What...?"

"Run in it."

"Wh...WHY would you do that, though?"

"You think I couldn't?"

"That's not...Zim, look at yourself. We both know you aren't the most athletic fellow. And that's nothing to be asham- -"

"GASP!" Zim exclaimed, causing the trees in the area to rustle. "And so the truth comes out! I knew this day was coming! I knew the dream couldn't live on forever!"

Tak halted. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't think I'm good enough anymore! Now I HAVE to run the marathon to prove my spirit and determination and...whatever else to you!"

"No, you really don't..."

"Yes, I really do! Because honestly, if I don't, I get the feeling you might abandon me for...THAT GUY!" Zim pointed to a random mailman. "Look at him! He has everything I don't! Like a...like a nose! And after he steals you away, everything's just going to go downhill for me! IT- -!"

Tak cupped Zim's face in her hands. "Listen. To. Me. Stop being nuts. Quit making up these random problems. Don't enter that marathon."

"I'm entering that marathon."

"With what? You're a penniless ragamuffin."

"Am I?" Zim held up a penny. "Found this on the floor."

Tak frowned and let him go. "You know what? Fine. Do what you want. But as always, I warned you. So, you only have, like, two days to train. And I've heard that a marathon is 26.2 miles long."

"Space miles or human miles?"

"Human miles, of course. That's a lot!"

"No matter! Everything will go smoothly as long as I have an effective coach!"

"Coach?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"SKOODGE! You shall be my coach!"

"Um...for what?" the pudgy Irken asked. "You gave me no context. Also, hi, Tak!"

"Oh, I am out of here." Tak turned and exited the lab.

"For the upcoming marathon! I must prepare to run 26.2 miles all at once! HUMAN miles!" Zim explained. "Now, just because I picked you to coach me doesn't mean we're 'friends' or whatever! So don't call me 'buddy' or 'pal', anything of the sort! If you do, you're going back in the wall."

"Aww."

"Yeah, no, I'm only doing this to prove myself to Tak! Chances are I won't acknowledge your existence for a while after this. But it isn't exactly like I had a lot of good options, so here we are."

"That's...fair."

"Yeah-huh! It's up to you to mold this blob of clay known as Zim into an able-bodied piece of pottery! By Sunday. So let's get started immediately!"

"A little steep...do I at least get a whistle?"

Zim shook his head. "I'm all out of whistles. Don't ask what I did with them."

"Fine...well, the best way I know to get shape quick is with a training montage."

"Montage, huh? Tell me more."

"Okie-doke," Skoodge pulled a camera out of his PAK. "Had a feeling this would come in handy. Do a couple of push-ups for starters."

"ZIM IS NOT YOUR SLAVE!"

"But Zim, this is for the montage."

"Oh," Zim got on the floor and did a few. "EH! EH! EH! EH!"

"Good, good. Now run over there and do some sit-ups!"

And so it continued, with Skoodge filmed Zim running and doing various exercises all over the lab.

"YES, GOOD," He rubbed the camera. "You're done for now."

"For now?"

"For now. Just wait. All will be revealed in time..."

Zim deflated a bit. "So, what should I do until then? Advise me!"

"Whatever seems appropriate."

XXXXXXXONEWAITINGPERIODLATERXXXXXXX

"Alright, Coach Skoodge! I've been sulking in my locker room for...some amount of time! Plus, it took me some time to get that locker room built in," Zim clapped in impatience. "So what was all the waiting for?"

Skoodge waved him over to a big monitor. "Come here and I'll show you."

He pressed a button and a video began playing. It was all the footage of Zim doing push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks and laps put through all kinds of filters. There was even some generic inspiring music in the background.

"Ta-daaa! Your very own training montage!" Skoodge said proudly. "You'll definitely be ready with this! All you have to do it play this on loop until the marathon! I mean, it worked for me."

"Skoodge! This...is...PERFECT!" Zim smirked. "Just look at all that training I'm doing! I am going to be SO ready! Fetch me some snacks to consume during this!"

"Do I get some too?"

"NO!"

And so, Zim watched the montage over and over and over again...

XXXXXXXSUNDAY!SUNDAY!SUNDAY!XXXXXXX

 _"Welcome, one and all to the Coveted Lip Foundation's bicentennial charity marathon! Thank you for taking time out of your undoubtedly busy lives to come out and run for us! Please do your best, everyone, the employees of CLF rely on this money to survive! And pay their bills! Same thing, really! Get hydrated and tie those shoelaces, because the run starts in TWO MINUTES!"_

"OHHH..." Zim moaned at the starting line looking greener than usual. "Why do I feel so NOT ready? Why'd I eat so many fried Oreoreos? And why is the sun so loud...? Nngh..."

"Hey!" Tak approached him. "I've yet to make sense of this, but I came to see you off anyway. I'll even wait for you at the finish line."

"..." Zim reacted as though he'd just noticed her. "That's nice of you..."

"It isn't exactly like I have anything better to do. And, uhh, are you alright? Your contact lenses are somehow red! I don't think that's healthy."

"S'fine. I trained more leading up to this marathon than I have my entire LIFE."

Tak was skeptical. "Oh, you really consider Skoodge 'an effective coach'?"

"Yeah, yeah! Doan't eevun wurry abowt et...I put him back in the wall."

"...sure."

 _"30 SECONDS, RUNNERS! ...I'm sorry for yelling."_

Just then, the bus to take the supporters to the finish line arrived and they all began boarding it.

Zim gave Tak a salute.

She huffed and blushed slightly before saluting back. "Don't get lost."

With that, she got on the bus, which soon drove out of sight.

 _"On your mark, get set...GO!"_

The other runners immediately left Zim in the dust.

"Oh...that's a bit brisker of a pace than I was expecting," he remarked. "But this isn't a race, so who cares?! Zim trained, and Zim shall succeed! FOR THE DETERMINATION OF ZIM IS UNRIVALED THROUGHOUT THE COSMOS!"

Thus, Zim ran and ran until his little legs started to give out. He ran so far, he figured he should've passed the finish line hours ago. At a couple moments, he thought he might be lost, but he kept seeing a bunch of signs that had been placed telling him where to go. He must've been on the right track, then...but he was way too tired to go on.

"That's it..." He collapsed onto the pavement. "That's...as far...as I can go...how's that?"

He peered upward and saw a sign that said **"You're almost halfway there, friendo!"**

"Almost"?

"Halfway"?!

"FRIENDO"?!

"There's no way I can make it..." Zim panted. "Those lip people will just have to do without my one cent, I suppose. Curse you, chapter...!"

 _"Zim..."_

"HEH? Tak, when did you get here?"

 _"I'm not really here, you moron. I'm just a hallucination."_

"Ohh, that makes sense. Wait. How dare my own hallucination insult me?!"

 _"Just listen! You have to keep going and get to that finish line. Remember, Tak said she'd wait for you there...remember?"_

"But my legs! They're _burning_ on the _inside_! And I'm not even halfway there!"

 _"Hrrrghh..."_

"Uuungh, sufferiiing..."

 _"LOOK! You've put Tak through all this aggravation, and now you're not even going to finish?! Imagine for a second how that'll make her feel!"_

"...you're right, Hallucination Tak!" Zim shakily stood back up. "Real Tak would kill me for taking up this much of her time! If I drop out now, she'll no doubt dismember me and throw my remains to the whales!"

 _"Well, I didn't think of it that far, but...wait, why whales?"_

"I MUST MAKE HASTE!"

And so, Zim pushed himself to keep going...and going...and going. It took several limb-numbing hours, but the finish line was finally within his sights.

"A...AT LONG LAST..." Zim breathed. He was drenched in sweat, his lungs were pretty much empty, and he was relying on a single finger to drag him along.

By now, everyone else had gone on home.

Tak looked down the road at Zim when she noticed his exhausted grunting. "Hey, you made it."

"Yes..." Zim murmured back. "Going to make it..."

"Zim? Why did you do this to yourself?"

"I don't...know for sure!" Zim admitted in a somewhat whiny tone. "I was just extrapolating, and projecting...or some deep, emotional thing like that! Or perhaps I watched one too many of those 1980s movies. Whichever the reason, don't judge me! Even I have off days!"

"All I needed to hear..." After a couple seconds, Tak realized Zim had stopped moving.

"...ngh..." Zim felt himself being lifted. "Hey!"

"Don't 'hey' me," Tak slung him over her shoulder. "I'd say I've waited long enough."

"STOP! What are you doing?!"

"Ending this thing. I'm gonna get across the finish line for you."

"Shoot..." Zim uttered as she did so. "Then I didn't accomplish anything!"

"Nonsense, you did very well. I mean, you managed to run approximately 26.1 human miles. That's impressive to me, at least."

"IT IS?!"

"Sure. And you can stop yelling, y'know. I'm right here. Plus, it's, like, three in the mor- -"

"YES! I DID IT! I DID IT, HALLUCINATION TAK! NO WHALES FOR ZIIIM!"

* * *

(A/N: Okay, that was weird. It was (mostly) poking fun at those 80s running movies, so if you aren't really familiar with those, I'm sure this was extra weird. But I hope you still enjoyed! It took a while, but the first draft was a real mess, lemme tell you. I feel like I struggled with this more than I usually do. Guess I'm feelin' that pressure. Haha...

As always, if you liked this fluffy mess, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more stories! Later, gators!)


	31. Makeout Sunday

(A/N: Hey-o! This chapter is another request from **Jss2141**! ...yeah...quick replies!

 **Invader Johnny:** Thanks for reviewing again! That wasn't an intentional reference, but it is kinda funny to think that Dib and Zim unknowingly used similar methods. By the way, the request you sent is set for Chapter 33. Hope I don't take forever to reach that point...but I might.

 **Guest:** Great, thanks! It's comforting to hear you think I've still got my mojo; I'm gonna need it for everything on my list. *sweat drop*

NOW READ ON!)

* * *

Ch. 31: Makeout Sunday

 _Summary: Zim and Tak experience some difficulties giving out pies on a bizarrely foggy day._

* * *

 _DING!_

"Pies are done!" Zim let his cards fall onto the table.

"Hey!" Tak frowned. "I was almost through my deck!"

"We can finish later. HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT-HOOOT!" Zim carried the pies out of the oven and dumped them into a wagon. "Better taste one first! Ahh, mm- -URGH...NOT THE BEST...but we won't _need_ the best for _this_ plan!"

"Alright, enough being mysterious," Tak crossed her arms. "What're all these chicken pot pies for?"

Zim laughed a mischievous laugh. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes. I would. What, did you put nanobots in them to control the minds of the humans that eat them?"

"Hahahaha- -! ...yes, actually. How did you know?!"

"I know things," Tak shrugged. "Sensible enough. But why chicken pot pie?"

"Because humans LOVE chicken pot pie! And shockingly enough, GIR hates it, so I'll be able to get these out the door without them being devoured."

"Mm. And where'd you get this wagon?"

"From sssomewhere. A lot of my possessions have unknown origins."

"True...you know, the execution of this would be much simpler if someone who shan't be named hadn't destroyed my hypnotism device."

"HAAA, Y'KNOW, you need to stop living in the past! Hah...besides, why would you need that thing when you have me?"

"To make you do the odd task for me when I'm too tired to argue?"

"Pshh, you would never do that! ...right?"

"Ha-ha. Let's go," Tak deadpanned.

Zim poked his head into the living room. "GIR, MiMi! Tak and I are going to go give out free food! Free MIND-CONTROLLING food...HA HA HAAA! Guard the base while we're gone!"

The SIR units nodded, keeping their eyes on the TV. Even though they knew they'd probably regret it, Zim and Tak peered over at what they were so engrossed in.

 _"Hurry, Brad! Those zombies will be here any second!"_

 _"Liza, quick! In here!"_

 _The two clearly adult actors who were supposed to be teenagers hid in a shed._

 _"We should be safe for now!"_

 _"Kiss me!"_

 _Brad and Liza_ _began making out ferociously._

Tak shuddered. "BLEGH..."

"You two! Just because I don't pay for cable or any of the household commodities we use doesn't mean you can waste the TV on these vomit-inducing channels!" Zim scolded them, snatching the remote. "You should watch something slightly less revolting, like the news!"

He changed the channel just as things were getting steamy _._

 _"This conveniently just in! The local Mexican Fly factory has exploded! The explosion was caused by a_ _n incompetent factory worker lit a candle in the boiler room, quoted 'It was dark and I didn't think boiler rooms worked that way'. Don't worry, everyone evacuated in time. Somehow. What is Mexican Fly, you ask foolishly? Why, it's a popular yet potentially harmful cupisiac! What is a cupisiac? LOOK IT UP! Nah, just kidding. It's a love potion of sorts; the cupisiac is inhaled as a gas, chemically reacts in the thymus and amplifies all them lovey-dovey feelings! Horrible side effect information after these messages!"_

"Ooh, I love this channel now!" GIR said happily. He and MiMi plopped right in front of the TV.

"Huh. How 'bout that?" Zim said nonchalantly. "Good thing we don't have thymuseseses!"

Tak seemed concerned. "Well, yeah, but..."

"WE'RE OFF!"

GIR and MiMi waved. "G'bye! Eat rye! Don't let the love bugs die!"

Zim and Tak disguised themselves and took the wagon outside. They immediately noticed a rose-colored haze hanging in the air.

"...SEE?" Zim turned to Tak. "I told you nothing would happen to us."

"Fine, just hope we don't regret missing the rest of that news program."

They made their way to a neighboring house and knocked on the door.

"We have to be casual about this," Zim said. "For some reason, humans get very suspicious when they're offered things for free."

Before Tak could respond, the door opened. Some hairy, middle-aged guy leaned against the door frame. He, as well as the woman clinging to his waist only had half their clothes on.

Zim and Tak flinched. "BLUHH..."

"Oh, hi," the guy greeted them. "Can I help you?"

"This is the life I chose to lead," Zim said under his breath. "Salutations, sir! We're selling nanobot-free chicken pot pies, at the modest price of zero dollars and zero cents!"

"Would you like one?" Tak offered. "...mister? Hey, mister? HEY!"

The man snapped out of a lovestruck daze. "Wh-What? What do you want?"

"WOULD YOU LIKE A PIE?!" Zim repeated.

"So much for being casual," mumbled Tak.

The man thought it over for a second. "Mm, no, I'm kinda busy...and broke."

"But they're fre- -!" The door was slammed in Zim's face. "URRGH! Curse humans and their glands!"

"Maybe we should do this after this haze goes away," Tak suggested.

"Out of the question! My nanobots won't survive in these pies that long! They're devout vegetarians." Zim turned the wagon around. "Let's try somewhere else."

And the day went on, Zim and Tak came across tons of shamelessly affectionate couples, all the while getting more disgusted with humanity. As if that wasn't bad enough, their load wasn't getting any lighter! It was like it was Anti-Pie Day or something! The whole ordeal was awfully tiresome. Despite all this, they persevered.

"Pretty advantageous that this fog still isn't affecting us, or we'd be even less productive than we already are," Tak remarked, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Yes."

"...it isn't affecting you, is it?"

"No! Why do you ask?"

"Because you're holding my hand."

"...!" Zim just noticed that he was. "Only because I don't want us to get separated in the fog! Obviously!"

"Yeah, 'obviously' is right..."

The pair soon reached a new house and knocked on the door. A young-ish man holding a long pillow opened it.

"Hellooo..."

"We're giving out free pies, want one?" Tak asked impatiently.

"Eh, no thanks, I'm more of a cake person," the man replied. He patted the pillow. "And I am bizz-ayyy. So, bye!"

Zim stuck his foot in the door and clasped his hands together in mock sadness. "Please, sir! If we return home with these pies, our abbot will give us 40 lashes with a wet strudel!"

"Noodle," Tak amended.

"Yes, that. Have some compression-"

"Compassion."

"-and TAKE ONE."

"...well...they _are_ free. And I don't want preventable noodle lashings on my conscience. I suppose I cou- -OH GOD, I'M CHANGING!"

Zim and Tak clutched each other in terror as the man fell to his knees, groaning rather agonizingly. His skin took on a rashy appearance as a multitude of veins pulsed all over his body. His teeth became sharp fangs and his eyes now resembled those of flies. He ripped his anime body pillow to shreds and glared at the two petrified aliens, growling furiously.

"Nnnope!" Zim slammed the door on him and ran away as quickly as he could, with Tak close behind him.

"Zim!"

"Heh?!"

"I'm sure whatever happened to that human was explained on that news program you chose not to finish watching!"

"What makes you say that? I bet they were completely unrelated- -!" Zim stopped on a dime.

Dozens of itchy-looking insect people came crawling out of the pinkish mist, eyeing Zim and Tak hungrily.

Zim began to sweat as he backed away from them. "UM! So perhaps they _were_ related!"

"Nooo, really?!"

"Hey! I hear that sarcasm! How was I supposed to know there were horrible side effects?! Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean I know everything about everything!"

"The news literally said there were horrible side effects, though!"

"You know human media is full of LIES!"

"Well, what are we going to do about these monsters?" Tak ducked behind Zim. "I refuse to be eaten by fly...mutant...things!"

"...LOOK!" Zim pointed in a random direction. "A CELEBRITY DOING SOMETHING MUNDANE!"

The Mexican Fly creatures all turned to look.

"This way!" Zim led Tak into a nearby building.

"I can't believe that worked," she uttered.

"That's humanity for you," said Zim, building a barricade. "They're unhealthily obsessed with those who excel at singing, acting and all kinds of other 'talents'. It's pretty ridiculous! I mean, their entire civilization treats people like _royalty_ just for trivial attributes like- -GEEZ LOUISE!"

He jumped back as the creatures began banging on the doors. A few of them were scraping at the windows, too. Tak raced down several rows of seats, behind a big podium and through a doorway to a storeroom.

"Hurry, Zim!" she called in an irritated tone. He still had the wagon. "Those gassed up creatures will be here any second!"

Zim caught up and spotted a sizeable cabinet by the doorway. He opened it, revealing a bunch of jugs of liquid. It was as good a hiding place as any...

"Tak, quick! In here!"

She slunk into the cabinet with Zim and shut it behind her. It was now pitch black.

"We should be safe for now!"

"...kiss me!"

"Wha...WHAT?! You w- -?!"

"I said," Tak's hand struck the door. "KISS. ME."

"..."

Zim felt around for Tak in the dark. He only meant for it to be a peck, then she held him in place, deepening the kiss.

The cabinet suddenly burst open.

"HOLY MOSES! The sinners got to my supply!"

"AGHHHH!"

"Hold the phone! You two ain't fly monsters!" observed the geezer who had arrived. "You're just a couple o' kids sinning in my cabinet! Thaaank goodness!"

"Wh-Who are you?" Tak managed to ask.

"Why, I'm the pastor of this here church!"

"So that's what this place is. It's so empty."

"Don't remind me..." grumbled the pastor.

"Well, why weren't you transformed by the fog?"

"Ah. My thymus gland was removed long ago...it's a pretty emotional story. Would you like to hear it?"

"NO, no, no, that's fine!" Tak replied hastily. "Can you do anything to turn everyone back to normal?"

"Darn tootin'! Once I heard about the Mexican Fly outbreak, I got to work on a machine that can do just that! See, holy water is the natural antidote to cupisiac gas, and I've got me a surplus. I majored in chemical mutation, you see. Not too many jobs in that field. Anywhosies, my machine can spray holy water all over those monsters, curing them!"

"What an incredible stroke of luck! We'd be willing to help with that, wouldn't we, Zim?"

"..." Zim nodded.

And so, Zim and Tak assisted the pastor with loading jugs of holy water into his invention on the church's steeple. With the three of them working at it, everything came together in a timely fashion.

Tak stole a glance down the walls. "Uhh, is that thing ready yet? Those monsters are climbing up here!"

"One last drop...!" The pastor dumped the rest of a jug's contents in. "We're good to go! Little green boy, do the thing!"

"..." Zim turned the contraption on.

Blessed H2O instantly went gushing in every direction, dispelling the Mexican Fly across the land and turning all the gross, thirsty bug monsters back into gross, thirsty people. Soaking and confused, they all retreated from the church.

Tak sat back in relief. "Sweet crap, we did it...we survived!"

"Of course, stuff like this is mah specialty," the pastor said smugly. "That aside, what're all those chicken pot pies doing in my holy water cabinet?"

"Do you want them? The very thought of giving those out anymore exhausts me."

"Let us see..."  
Everyone returned to the storeroom, where the pastor tried one of the pies. "Mm...mmm...tastes like there's nanobots in here."

"UHH..."

"Just like Mama used to make! I'll take 'em!"

"Great, then I suppose we're done here! Come on, Zim!" Tak yanked him out of the church. "That was way more stressful than it needed to be. I feel like killing a bunch of flies out of spite. Oh, and I kind of just gave that guy your wagon. That's not a problem, is it? _...WHAT?_ "

"..." Zim simply stared at her.

"...HAH!" Tak laughed somewhat drily when she realized why he was stunned. "Zim, you're so presumptuous! I only behaved that way because the cupisiac was getting to me! Obviously!"

"Oh...but- -"

"OBVIOUSLY."

"Mm! When you're right, you're right," Zim said with nonchalance. "And you tend to be right, right?"

"Right!"

"So, let's go home. You want to finish that game of Dots?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

(A/N: Welp. Got a simple request to write about aliens making out, came up with this. OvO I'm a good writer. At least I didn't take an eternity. This chapter also had..."mature" elements and I'm more of a fluff guy, so this was kinda against the norm, but I like me a challenge every now and then. That's healthy. Mmyeah. Hope it satisfied all y'all, at least. Sometimes I worry about making Zim's schemes _too_ crazy/weird, but then I remember that time he was gonna fill cows with sewage or whatever and realize there are no limits. By the way, I plan to change the title/summary by the very NEXT chapter, whenever that is, so I advise giving this story a follow if you haven't already and telling me any title ideas you have ASAP.

That said, if you enjoyed this, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more. SEE YA!)


	32. Stand-Up Guy

(A/N: Holy moly, Chapter 32! Now this story has the same number of chapters as "Tak Is Back". By the way, as of now, there'll be around 55 chapters total...I know what I want the last one to be. I say this now, but watch there end up being, like, 80... Depends on requests, motivation and free time...guess I'll have to stop taking requests eventually. So yeah. Hope you like the new title...more weird-lookin' letters and increasingly sucky summaries on the way. YAYYY!)

* * *

Ch. 32: Stand-Up Guy

 _Summary: Zim wants Tak to think he's funny._

* * *

"BEHOLD! An average slice of human horse meat!"

" _Human_ horse meat?"

"IT'S! MEAT!" Zim slammed the tray onto the table. "Now behold this vial of rescindment liquid!"

Tak nodded. "I'm beholding. I'm beholding all of this."

"Good!" Zim popped the vial open. "Watch as I combine the two...I must have the precision of a robotic surgeon...for just a droplet too much could- -GAH!"

Out of nowhere, a baby carrot struck Zim's hand, spilling the entire vial. The meat bubbled and expanded onto the table. It kept stretching and morphing until it took the form of a horse.

 **"NEIGH-H-H!"**

It trampled Zim on its way out of the lunchroom.

After recovering from the initial shock, Tak looked down at him. "Uh, are you alright?"

"I've been worse..." he wheezed, pulling himself back up to the table. "Where did that projectile come from?!"

Tak pointed. "Where do you think?"

Zim looked across the room, where Dib was whistling innocently as he eyed the ceiling.

"DIIIIIB!" The Irken picked up the baby carrot and flung it back the way it came. "Keep your suricate droppings to yourself!"

Dib raised an eyebrow as the vegetable missed him by a mile. "That's a carrot, Zim! You'd know that if you were frOM THIS PLANET!"

"AY!" the lunch lady cut in. "This is the third time this week! If you knuckleheads get rowdy again, I'll report you to the principal!"

Reluctant to discover the extent of the principal's creepiness, Zim and Dib sat in silence. But they still had to express their hatred somehow, so they began to angrily stare each other down.

"Psst. Tak," Zim kept his eyes on Dib. "If YOU glare at him, he'll be outnumbered."

"For crying out loud..." Tak joined in, figuring she had nothing to lose.

"Psst. Gaz," Dib nudged his sister. "Zim and Tak are outnumbering me! You have to glare at them too!"

"My eyes are a bit busy right now." Gaz was practically glued to her Game Slave.

"Fine! I'll just glare at both of them! Earth boy powers, GO!" Dib forced his eyes to look in separate directions. After about a minute of this, he got a headache so severe that he passed out.

Zim blinked. "We...knocked him out somehow? It's at times like this I ask myself how I haven't successfully destroyed him yet!"

"I can only imagine," Tak remarked.

"Hey, come to think of it, why don't YOU ever try to eliminate that nuisance? Huh, Ms. Smart-&-Capable-Pants-Stein?!"

"Eh, I just don't feel the need. Besides, he's kinda funny, isn't he?"

"WHA-! BU-! GU-! 'FUNNY'?"

"Yeah."

And Tak left it at that.

 _"Nonsense! Funny how pathetic he is, maybe!"_ Zim thought, watching Gaz wave some food under her brother's nose to resuscitate him. _"How could Tak possibly like a single thing about that miserable human?! Especially this humorous quality she claims he has! And that I apparently DON'T have...then again, it isn't like I try to be funny. I could, though. Of course! I undoubtedly could! I AM ZIM, AFTER ALL!"_

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" he cackled out of the blue.

"Is there a reason you're laughing?!" Tak asked, alarmed.

"Yes, but you don't know it yet!" Zim responded in a weirdly deep voice. "Ahhh-ha-ha-ha!"

"Yeesh. Sounds like all that yelling finally took a toll on your throat."

"..." Zim deflated a bit. He thought laughter was supposed to be contagious. Must've been another human myth. Huh. Well, he could try an old-fashioned joke! "Say, Tak, is your refrigerator operational?"

"The fridge in the base? I'd assume it's working fine. Why?"

"Because...! Because, uh...because that's 'cool'! HAAA!"

Tak gave him a blank stare. "Yep, you're definitely sick."

Zim frowned and shook his head. Jokes suck.

XXXXXXXATRECESSXXXXXXX

All the way from the cafeteria onto the blacktop, Zim pondered what he could do that Tak would consider "funny". He wasn't asking for much, just a laugh. Was that so wrong?! He figured he'd appeal to his own sense of humor, and he could think of nothing funnier than unbridled destruction and the suffering of the inferior.  
However, it wasn't like he could just destroy anything he wanted; that principal was so dang creepy! He'd simply have to adjust to the situation.

"I don't know these humans survive off of that 'food' they serve. Yet they consider snacks unhealthy?" Tak was going on about. "It really makes you wonder, is that wh- -"

"OH, hahahahahaha!" Zim interrupted. He was eyeing the swings. "Visualize what it'd be like if that swing set exploded this very second!"

"What?"

"Ha-ha! The children would go flying here, there, everywhere! They'd inevitably end up with severe injuries and in dire need of medical attention! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"That'd be wholly unnerving. If it turned out playground equipment could explode spontaneously, I'd be very paranoid about coming here."

"...yes, but still!" Zim started laughing once more. It took him a while to collect himself. "Haaa...oh, she left."

If Tak didn't have his sense of humor, then he could try playing to hers...whatever that was. He thought back real hard for ideas, and he had a vague recollection of her laughing at his pain.

 _"But am I really going to intentionally cause myself harm just to gain something over Dib?...of course I am!"_

Zim held one arm in front of him with the other, and rammed his knee into it.

 ** _SNAP!_**

"AAAAAAAGHHH! AGH! OW! OOF...!" He waved as he approached Tak, who was sitting in the shade. "TAK, LOOK! MY ARM'S ALL BROKEN!"

She winced at the cracking noises. "How'd that happen?"

"FORGET THAT, I'M IN HORRIBLE PAIN! HAAA!"

"Ech...okay, I can fix this. I spent a year on Mettekasia researching skeletons, believe it or not." Tak stood and rubbed her hands together before taking Zim's broken arm. "...YUSUGI!" She bashed her elbow against it.

 ** _!PANS_**

"AAAAAAAGHH- -oh, that fixed it."

"Yep. Now be careful not to break it again," Tak warned. "That only works so well."

"Fine, fine..." scoffed Zim.

He sauntered off, and Tak sat back down. For a second.

 _ **SNAP!**_

"AAAAAAAAGHHHHH! TAK, LOOK! MY LEG'S ALL BROKEN!"

XXXXXXINCLASSXXXXXXX

 _"Whoa...this is weird," Dib was floating amongst the clouds. "Usually when I have dreams like this, I'm heading straight for the ground."_

 _He began to plummet._

 _"AHHHHBUTTHISISFINETOO!" he squealed before the aimless drifting came back._

 _It continued until he noticed a figure poking out of a cloud._

 _"Who the heck..."_

 _The figure did a 180, revealing itself as Tak._

 _"You're such a great person!" she said enthusiastically._

 _"Tak! W-What's a space parasite like you doing in my dream land? This is no place fo- -!"_

 _She had kissed him. He jolted back and swept a hand across his mouth._

 _"Man...that was so spicy! Have you been eating ghost peppers or something?"_

 _Tak began laughing hysterically as she floated back towards the sun._

 _"Hey, they're real, y'know!" Dib shook his fist after her. "THEY'RE REEEAL!"_

"NGH!" Dib woke with a start. He looked up and saw a pencil stuck in his forehead.

"Dib! No sleeping in class!" Ms. Bitters hissed. "Next time, I'll be throwing something else..."

"The axe?"

"The axe."

Dib worriedly yanked the pencil out. "Sorry, Ms. Bitters. I promise, I'll never do it again for as long as I- -"

"Okay, I get it. Sheesh."

"..." Dib huffed, flinging the pencil away. It bounced off the window and hit him in the face. "Oww!"

Behind him, Tak snickered.

And two desks over, Zim bristled with rage.

 _"DOOKIE! He doesn't even have to try!"_ he brooded. _"It may eat me up inside like Fubalonian tapeworm, but I see only one solution! I have to copy the Dib!"_

Determined, Zim laid his head down on his desk, pretending to sleep. After a few seconds, he opened an eye. Nobody was paying him any attention.

"CAAA-CHOO, CAAA-CHOO, CAAA-CHOO! I'M _SNORING_! CAA- -!"

Ms. Bitters faced him. "ZIM! No noise-making during the lecture!"

"I sincerely apologize, sir! ...aren't you going to throw anything at me?"

"That punishment is for Dib only. You do, however, have to go out back and clean the erasers."

"Oh," Zim noticed all the students giving him odd looks. "...HAAA!"

XXXXXXXNOTLONGAFTERWARDXXXXXXX

 _POOF!_

 _POOF!_

 _POOF!_

Zim paused to hack and cough. "This is blasphemous! Once Earth is good and conquered, it should become the Eraser Cleaning Planet! Forcing its inhabitants to breathe chalk dust and eat BRICKS! I should write this down."

"Heyyy," Tak rounded the corner of the building. "Are you even close to finishing?"

"No, no!" Grinning creepily, Zim resumed pounding the erasers. "You can go on home without me! I'll be right there...hahahahahaaa..."

Tak slowly backed away, squinting as he laughed. "Mhm..."

XXXXXXXWITHDIBXXXXXXX

"Heheh, Zim doesn't know what a carrot is, what a stupid idiot," Dib chortled on his way to his locker. A paper fell out when he opened it. He gulped as he picked it up. "Please don't be a chain letter."

 _"Dear filthy, filthy, filthy, FILTHY Dib,_

 _it is I, ZIM! I am writing this letter to inform you that I have captured that bratty human lump known as your sister! If you care for her in any capacity, meet me (ALONE AND UNARMED!) in the secluded part of the park for negotiations...incredibly one-sided negotiations! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

 _-Zim_

 _PS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!_

 _PPS, be here in 10 minutes or I'll cut one of her fingers off! Don't think I won't!"_

"Oh, my GOSH! Zim knows how to write in cursive! I mean, oh, no! Gaz!" Dib dashed out of the Skool. "Crap, I gotta hurry! She must be terrified!"

XXXXXXXMEANWHILEINHURTPARKXXXXXXX

"Will you buzz off? I've almost found the Hog of Mythical Luminescence."

"SHHHUSH!" Zim snapped. "There will be no buzzing until your big-headed brother arrives, falling right into my trap! AND his demise, the funniest joke of all! Hahaha! Just thinking about it is hilarious! Hahahaha!"

"Weeeirdo..." Gaz muttered.

"I've found you, Zim!" Dib emerged from a bush. "And it wasn't easy, y'know, this place is REALLY secluded."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Yeah! Would've been a great place for your- -ANYWAY! What have you done to Gaz?!"

"He hasn't 'done' anything to me. Besides annoy me, I guess," Gaz spoke up. "My class got out early, so I came here to play the new location-based augmented reality VPH game. Zim found that out when he ran into me at Skool. He showed up about a minute ago and kept following me."

"Zim did no 'following'! If anything, I stalked you! Menacingly!" Zim insisted.

"Weeeeeeirdo."

"Oh...wait, so if you didn't capture Gaz for blackmail or whatever, then why'd you want to meet with me?" Dib inquired.

"To destroy you, of course! That's why I lured you to such a secluded area! Out here, no one will hear you DIE!" Zim rose up onto his PAK legs. "We'll see how funny you are then! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Alright, I can see you've officially lost it..." Dib stepped back. "Uhm, sis, a little help? Gaz?!"

Gaz had wandered many yards away, slaying more virtual piggies.

"Seriously?!"

"HAHAHAHA! Nothing can save you now!" Zim sent a PAK leg flying straight towards the boy to impale him.

In that moment, something rammed its way through the other legs, knocking him over. Zim suffered a rough faceplant before peering upwards.

"HORSE MEAT!" he interjected. "You've returned for revenge?!"

 **"NEIGH-H-H!"** the creature whinnied before turning to Dib. **"Get on."**

"Well, you DID basically save my life just now...okay!" Dib mounted the meat horse and rode off into the sunset. "Woo-hoo!"

"NOOOO!" lamented Zim. "I was so close!"

A shadow fell over him.

"No," He shut his eyes. "Not like this...!"

"Zim!"

"Tak?" Zim turned. "What are you doing here?"

"Chasing after that beefy beast! It made a real mess of things. But I'm sure it and Dib will be very happy together," Tak grumbled. She helped Zim up. "Now what were you up to?"

"Exacting my timely revenge on Dib! Or at least I _would_ have if it weren't for that meaty monstrosity!"

"You're still worked up over the carrot? I know you're petty, but that's kinda ridiculous."

"Heh? 'Care-rott'? You said he was 'kinda funny'! Was I expected to let such a thing slump?!"

"'Slide', you mean?"

"WAS I?!"

"Ohhh, is THAT why you were acting so, mm..." Tak left a long gap of silence. "...today?"

"YES! I only made it as obvious as possible!" Zim fumed. "And you know what?! I don't even care anymore! This portion of my day was wasted on foolish comedic pursuits! Dib can keep his jokes and his singledom! I'm going back to taking over the Earth! That's far less draining!"

"Wooow," Tak shook her head. "Hehe! You're a real card, you know?"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Ahh-hahahahaha!"

"RRRRRGH!"

* * *

(A/N: What a fustercluck...and this was supposed to be a "smaller" story. MERP. Took a while because I had to decide on the new title, plus I just got back to skewl for the spring semester. So, fair warning, updates will be slower from here on out until summer. I know, I'm upset too.

If you enjoyed this, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more. Catch ya later!)


	33. The Halloween Chapter

(A/N: Yo yo, whaddup? It's ya boy Editor-Bug, with another chapter of fluff, jokes, & whatever else I shove in here. This one's a request from faithful reviewer **Invader Johnny**! Thanks, man! 'Member when these stories were short? Since Chapter 27, they've been 2,000+ words...though I guess that's on me for these long-butt author's notes.

Speaking of lengthy author's notes, I recently realized something about why writing this kinda stuff is tricky. It's because, well...Zim doesn't "like" anybody. He really is the most evil character in the series, ain't he? Look at all the lives he's ruined. So, when we fanfic writers go to put him in a romantic relationship, we really gotta "build things from the ground up". I also noticed that the way I write Zim & Tak often reminds me of Daffy & Tina from The Looney Tunes Show, and Krillin & 18 from Dragon Ball. The Looney Tunes Show was SO dang underrated. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Oh, and a super quick reply.

 **Jason:** Maybe...yes.

Onto the chapter! There's some weird spacing and stuff I may or may not fix later.)

* * *

Ch. 33: The Halloween Chapter

 _Summary: Zim educates Tak on the joys of Halloween...kinda._

* * *

Lawn gnome tucked under his arm, Zim plopped his disguise on. "Off to plant that new gnome!"

Tak eyed him curiously. "What happened to the old gnome?"

"Destroyed! A bee landed on it! OHH! I keep forgetting to get back at those bees!" Zim turned the doorknob. "Put that on the to-do list for next weekend!"

"Trick or treat!" a few costumed preschoolers chorused.

"EAGHHHHH!" Zim slammed the door.

Tak's antennae stood up. "What was that?!"

"H-H-HA-HALLOWEENIES!"

"Huh?"

Zim sped over to a calendar. "GYAUGH! It's Halloween! ...and we've missed National Hispanic Heritage Month! Computer, deploy the Halloweenie defenses!"

"Yes, master!" blared Computer.

"HEY!" Tak grabbed Zim's shoulders. "What is Halloween?!"

"Gah...!" He looked around frantically. "Halloween is a horrific Earth holiday where the humans turn into nightmarish monstrosities, shake houses down for sweets and vandalize property! Which reminds me, we've got to bar the windows this instant!"

"Hold on! You've been through this before?"

"Yes, and I barely made it out of Dib's head alive!"

"..."

"..."

"Just...going to ignore that one. Assuming this is an annual holiday, exactly HOW long have you been on this planet? And why are you still in the same grade?"

"Well, first there was Halloween, then Valentine's Day, then Christmas, then...you know what? Don't worry about that!" Zim tugged a bunch of steel beams out from behind the fridge. "Just trust me and weld these to the windows! Robomom and dad, go plant some landmines!"

"With ranch!" The androids went to fulfill his request.

Tak gulped. She wasn't 100% sure what Zim said was true, but the thought of the humans becoming more revolting than they already were was enough for her to get to work on that barricade.  
As she worked, she peeked out the window. Her eyes drifted to a little boy across the street dressed as a dinosaur. She watched him ring a doorbell and receive some candy from the residents. Not very scary... Actually, none of the "monsters" appeared threatening at all. They seemed harmless. And they were all getting free candy.

"...hmm."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay okay okay!" Now in the upper level of the house, Zim looked out the window with binoculars. "No Halloweenies on the lawn, roof lasers at the ready, Minimoose and MiMi keeping GIR isolated from all sugar, Tak outside with the devil, yep, everything's okay...TAK OUTSIDE WITH THE DEVIL!"

Sure enough, Tak was in the middle of the neighborhood beside a horned red figure.

"TA-A-AK!" Zim bolted down through the house and out the door.

 _ **KABOOM!**_

"AGHHH, FORGOT ABOUT THE LANDMINES!"

Now partially on fire, Zim leapt between Tak and the trick-or-treaters with his arms out.

"Tak, I'll hold them off! Get back inside while you ca- -!" He paused when he noticed everyone eyeing him strangely. "Eh! I mean...how do you do, fellow kids?"

"Hey, Zim..." Poonchy, who was dressed as the devil, waved awkwardly.

The rest of the group was comprised of Torque Smackey (dressed as Frankenstein's monster), Sara (dressed as a witch), The Letter M (dressed as the Grim Reaper) and Dib (dressed as...a scholar with a bunch of garlic and wooden stakes around his torso).

"AGH!" Zim jumped a bit. "Just what are you supposed to be, Dib?! Some type of twig and...turnip mutant?!"

"Pff, no!" The scythe-haired boy squinted. "I'm Professor Abraham Van Helsing!"

"..."

"The famous vampire slayer?"

Everybody looked around in disinterest.

Dib haughtily flicked his cape. "Normally, I'd consider myself too mature for this stuff, but since I'm not busy running from demonic creatures who want to cut my head open this Halloween, I figured I'd indulge myself."

"Well, what a shame it is that Tak and I won't be joining in on your indulgence because we're going home!" Zim laughed nervously. "COME ON."

"I'm _fine_!" huffed Tak, moving in front of him. "I planned on accompanying these guys to a supposedly haunted house."

"WHY?"

"Because that's what people do on Halloween!" Dib replied. "If you two wanna come, I won't stop you. Just keep in mind that these stakes aren't just for show. Let's MOVE OUT!"

As he walked off in a goofy fashion, The Letter M spoke. "His dad promised us jumbo chocolate bars for trick-or-treating with him. They were huge, man."

"I've got an idea," Tak whispered. "Just wait until we get there."

Zim went a bit pale.

The group ventured all the way to the outskirts of the city. Along the way, Zim got scared every time they came across another "nightmarish monstrosity" and insisted that he and Tak turn back, but she refused. They kept on walking until they reached a mansion. Torque smirked and stood before the group.

"Here we are. The old home of Dead Ned."

"Dead Ned?" the others asked.

"Yeah, that's...what I just said," Torque went on. "This guy Ned used to live in this mansion with his wife and daughter, but his daughter died in a car accident not long after she was born. Then his wife got depressed and ate a bullet. Ned went crazy and started kidnapping little girls to keep as his daughters. He also bought a bunch of dogs and ferrets for some reason. A while back, he just disappeared. Nobody's heard from him for months now. Pretty creepy. So, everyone assumed he was dead and started calling him 'Dead Ned'. It's clever."

Tak tapped her chin. "Why does this sound familiar?"

"I'unno," Zim shrugged.

"Hehe! I dare someone to go in there for five minutes!" challenged Poonchy. "No coming out early and no dying."

The group exchanged uncertain looks.

Tak raised a hand. "I'll go."

Everyone emitted a gasp, Zim's being the most dramatic and drawn out of all. He kept it up until Tak covered his mouth.

"IF I get all your candy when I come back out."

"Deal!" the children obliged.

"Uh, NO! No deal!" Dib protested. "It took me a long time to get all this- -!"

"Alrighty then, it's settled," Tak said nonchalantly. "See you in five minutes."

Zim clung to her PAK. "Right behind you!"

"Ooh~!" enthused Sara.

"NOOO!" the others practically leapt upon him.

"Heh?!"

They shook their heads furiously.  
"You can't!"  
"It won't be scary unless she's alone!"  
"Yeah!"

"But- -!"

Tak petted the side of Zim's face. "Take it easy."

"OOH~!" Sara uttered again.

With that, Tak opened the gate and proceeded into the house. Everyone watched her walk up the path and through the door. The second she closed it behind her, Zim fell to his knees.

"NO..." He leered at the kids. "You ANIMALS! You've sent Tak straight to her doom!"

"Chill, man," said The Letter M. "It's just five minutes. Tak has a decent chance of surviving that long. She's a...a trooper."

"You think I don't know that?!"

"Uh..."

"Fools, FOOLS, this is Halloween! The most deadly day of the year! And you had the bright idea to venture out to a shelter unit that's known to be infested with all kinds of horrors! And why?! For your 'amusement'! You sicken ZIIIM!"

"...well, sheesh."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Always with the dramatics, this guy."

Torque did a sudden clap. "Hah! Guess we should go."

"What? Where are you going?!" Zim demanded to know.

"Back the way we came," Poonchy answered. "You said it yourself, Tak's a goner. And we could be getting lots more candy."

"Ohhh, no!" Zim stood defiantly. "You shall remain here at least until the five minutes are up! Otherwise I'll fill ALL of your desks at Skool with maggots! But not just any maggots, _bone-eating maggots_! Those being maggots that burrow into your skin-meats and consume your bones, leaving you as nothing but gooey sacks of flesh!"

"Yeah, right," scoffed Sara.

Zim's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Are you willing to take that risk?"

"Guys, I know you usually don't believe me about things, but if you want to keep your skeletons, you'll wait the 5 minutes," Dib warned. "I'm not condoning this, I'm not enforcing this, I'm just stating a fact."

"Fine..."

All five children begrudgingly sat down behind Zim.

"That's what I THOUGHT!" Zim faced the house again. "Despite my disdain for the current circumstances, Tak is more than capable of overcoming them."

"Dang, someone's really passionate about this," The Letter M remarked.

Dib peered at him. "Wha?"

"Yeah. Zim's acting...different," Poonchy added. "Not in a bad way, though."

"Tak must be important to him or something," concluded Torque.

"They're...they're ALIENS!" Dib asserted. "Not some kind of...endearing fictional characters! They've killed people!"

"My gosh!" Sara wiped away a tear. "So beautiful! Two class weirdos found solace in each other!"

"If that isn't poetry, then I don't know what is. Come on, guys!" The Letter M got up triumphantly. "We should support Zim and Tak!"

Dib stared at them in disbelief. "Wh...What is going on?"

"TAK! TAK! TAK! TAK!" they chanted.

This annoyed Zim, but he didn't tell them to stop, figuring it'd be a waste of effort.  
Before anyone knew it, five minutes had passed.

"Welp! Five minutes have passed, and I don't see Tak! Looks like I get to keep my Halloween candy, and these guys get to keep their bones," Dib announced. "Tak must be- -"

"SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!" Poonchy exclaimed, pointing at the house dramatically. "IT'S TAK!"

Everyone (except Dib) cheered as Tak popped into the doorway of the mansion, safe and sound. She was thoroughly confused when she returned to the gate.

"Uhh, you all realize I'm getting your candy, right?"

She didn't receive a proper answer as Zim laughed, took her hands and spun around with her while the kids (except Dib) joyfully gathered around them.

"She did it!"  
"She saved the rainforest!"  
"She won nationals!"

"YEAH!" Coming up behind Tak, Torque drenched her with a barrel of sports drink...wherever he got that from.

"AGHHH!" Tak gurgled.

A puddle formed around her as she appeared electrostatic until finally, her disguise had completely disappeared. Another collective gasp. This time, Dib's went on the longest; he was grinning widely and pointing at Tak, who wore an expression of pure horror.

"Sufferin' succotash..." breathed Sara. "Tak! You...you have such a cool costume!"

The other children joined in on the praise.  
"Where'd you get it?!"  
"You look like a real alien!"  
"I'd KILL for a costume like that..."

Zim and Tak simultaneously sighed in relief.

"Thank you, thank you all," Tak settled them. "Now hand over your candy."

The kids gladly complied.  
"Okay!"  
"Sure!"  
"Dib's dad is giving us bribe candy anyway."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Dib yanked his hair. "Do none of you have eyes?! There is clearly an ALIEN standing in front of you and- -!"

"Dib, can't you tell the difference between a costume and the real thing?" scoffed Tak. "Get your glasses checked."

"YEAH!" the Skool children agreed.

"HA!" Zim smugly snatched Dib's bag of candy, then snapped his fingers. "You've been conflagrated! Tak!"

"Coming!" Tak amassed her candy in a sack and slung it over her shoulder.

"Bye!" The kids waved to them. "See ya later! Ah, those two..."

Their farewell went on, and Dib was pushed a little closer to the loony bin.

"Ooh, there's jujubes in here!" Zim marveled at his confiscated candy. "This was a good idea! So, was it actually haunted, that house?"

"Nah, it was pretty boring," said Tak. "Nothing but a dead body."

She felt some strange sense of freedom being out and about without her disguise on. Even though it was just a hologram, it could be sort of a drag to wear. And for once, Zim saw Tak silhouetted against the moon on the homeward trek.

Perhaps Halloween wasn't so awful after all.

* * *

(A/N: Hurrayyy, a Halloween chapter in March. Wonderful. I _have_ been a little confused as to how Tak's disguise works, like, if it's just a hologram, where do her antennae go?  
Oh, and good news! Instead of doing a one-shot like I usually do between chapters of this story, I'm gonna get right into the next chapter after this one because I decided to make one of the one-shots I planned into a comic instead, and I know that comic's gonna take a while to finish...So the next chapter shouldn't take TOO long. But I'll probably start another multi-chapter story after that. Not for Invader Zim, though...

Hope you enjoyed! Please review, fave, follow, point out any errors, check out my profile for more, and I'll shall see you next time!)


	34. Date Night 2 - The Returnening

(A/N: Ayyy, two chapters in one month! HO YEAH! And a reply!

 **Jason:** Figured you'd remember him. Honestly, I'm not sure why I left his death all ambiguous, but that was quite a while ago that I wrote that. In my head, I imagine Tak did some kind of insta-kill move, snapped his neck, crushed his skull in, something like that. Also, "shut the front door" is just a non-explicit expletive.

With those goods out of the way, read on!)

* * *

Ch. 34: Date Night 2 - The Returnening

 _Summary: Zim and Tak go on their all-important 2nd date._

* * *

Hours of delicate, tedious work now culminated in one swift twitch of pliers along the nanocircuitry. Just a hair off, and it'd all be for nothing. Or even EXPLODE! Sweat dripped down Tak's forehead, under her goggles, through her lab coat- -it was a lot of sweat!

"Easy... _easy_..."

 **BAM! BAM! BAM!**

"TAK!"

 **BAM! BAM! BAM!**

"ARGH...!" she winced. "Oh, false alarm. MiMi, hold these in place for me, I have to go play housewife."

After a salute, MiMi took the pliers.

Tak stormed over to the door (labeled "POTENTIALLY DEADLY EXPERIMENTATION") and opened it. " _WHAT?!_ "

Wordlessly, Zim lifted Tak over his head and began carrying her towards the Voot Cruiser.

"Hey!" She flipped out of his grasp. "What's the rush?"

"Hrrrgh, Plan A has gone awry..." Zim faced away from her. "Plan B, then. Promise not to get enraged."

Tak crossed her fingers behind her back. "Oh, I promise."

"Okay!" Zim whirled around. "So, I was watching some very important television- -GIR was there- -and I made a shocking discovery! At least on Earth, couples are only considered official, or 'going steady' as it's called colloquially, until they've gone on, not one, but TWO dates! We've only ever gone on one, so for the sake of complete self-gratification, I took it upon myself to make reservations at the illustrious Swarba's!"

"Swarba's?" Tak's eyes got all sparkly. "The best drive-through restaurant in the universe?"

"Yes, but hold your excitement. The reservation was for 329th in line, and considering how long it's been since I made it and how _tight_ Swarba's scheduling is, there's a possibility that spot's been taken...forever."

"What? How long ago was it?"

"A few weeks."

"Why didn't you go there a few weeks ago, then?!"

"I forgot."

Tak facepalmed. "And why is this the first I'm hearing about this?"

"BeCAUSE!" Zim crossed his arms. "I wanted it to be a surprise!"

"Aww, that's sweet."

"You really think so?"

"NO! Is your brain past its expiration date or something?!"

"Y-You promised not to get enraged!"

"I had my fingers crossed!"

"UM!" Zim backed up nervously. "I'm sorry...?"

Tak sighed, pulling her lab stuff off. "Well, let's go! We may have only a slim chance of making it, but we might as well try!"

Zim's antennae perked up in excitement. "I'll get the Voot ready!"

"You _better_..." Tak hissed before checking back with her robot. "MiMi, you'll have to hold off on that potentially deadly experiment until I get back from my date...that sentence made too much sense."

The SIR unit gave her a thumbs-up.

"Hmph," Tak closed the door. "Hey, Zi- -AH!"

She was lifted once more and placed within the Voot.

"Off we go!"

"Don't make a habit of that."

XXXXXXXSOMETIMELATERXXXXXXX

"AHA! We're here!"

Swarba's was a rather small, cubic planet on the outskirts of Foodcourtia's orbit. The restaurant wasn't any bigger than the average fast food place, but it took up the entire planet. An impossibly long magnetic cable ran from the building with numbers labeling each spot in the line. The Voot sped past countless others to the 329th spot.

Zim smugly looked at Tak. "And our space is free. As I anticipated, we made it in time!"

"Sure you did."

"Doo-doo-doo doo-doo, getting in line..." Zim flew up towards the cable.

"HEY!"

"Heh?" Zim turned around before the magnetism took hold.

Three gigantic spaceships were surrounding the Voot. And their pilots looked PIIISSED. One was a pale, muscular alien, one was orange and slender with five eyes and one had purple skin, a frog-like appearance and a surplus of chins.

"How did we not see those before?" mumbled Tak.

"YOU TWO!" The biggest ship's pilot, the beefy alien, boomed at them. "You can't just show up and claim this spot like you called in ahead to reserve it! You gotta take a number like the rest of us! Them's the rules!"

"YEAH!" the others chorused.

"Oh, great, we have to wait in line to wait in line?" Tak lamented.

"So we'll wait in this line! As I anticipated!" Zim plopped helmets onto Tak and himself, opened the windshield and took a number from a slot beside the 329 sign. It was a 4.

 _DING! DING! DING!_

A Swarba's employee practically teleported out to them.

"Oh, four ships in line for one spot, huh? Been a hot minute since that happened," he remarked. "Alright, you guys know the rules. Space battle!"

Zim and Tak's eyes nearly doubled in size. "WHAT?!"

"Space battle!"

"WHAT?!" Zim echoed unnecessarily.

"Space battle!" the employee repeated, unfazed. "Doesn't have to be to the death, just get a fair distance away from the line and fight it out 'til three of you can't fight no more. Uh, I hope you have insurance."

With the blare of a horn, he disappeared.

Tak narrowed her eyes at Zim. "As you anticipated..."

"I'm a genius, not a psychic."

"You know, I'm rather sick of you saying you're a genius when I'm constantly led to believe the opposite."

"Wha- -?! What do you mean?!"

"Forget it." Tak snatched the controls. "Let's just beat these guys- -or at least try not to die- -so we can get this insipid date over with."

Their opponents cackled.

"There isn't enough good luck in the karmatic multi-multiverse to save you two!"

"I'd be surprised if you lasted 5 flagronanoughs in that puny thing! That's 10 seconds in universal time, by the way."

"Follow us! If you can keep up!"

The three ships zoomed away.

Tak growled and put the Voot into hyper drive as Zim gripped the back of her chair. Seconds later, the four ships stopped on a dime what anyone would call "a fair distance" from Swarba's.

"Alright..." the amphibious pilot smirked. "Let's get this space battle started!"

Missiles immediately streaked through the void of space. Tak grit her teeth and dodged out of the way. She had a feeling these guys would gang up on the small fry and worse, they didn't seem to have any qualms about killing their opponents. Fan-freaking-tastic.

She attempted to redirect their fire towards the biggest spaceship, but it maneuvered with surprising swiftness for its size. As soon as the Voot went to move behind it, it swerved around, knocking it into the barrage of another ship.

"RRRGH!" Tak fumed over letting the Voot take damage so quickly.

"Um..." Zim tapped her shoulder. "Mind if I...?"

"No! No way!"

Tak flew below the two smaller ships. She slammed down on a button, sending a volley of lasers their way, but only a fraction of them hit, and even those didn't seem to do much.  
Instantly, the biggest ship launched lasers about ten times the size of those, which Tak barely managed to avoid with a barrel roll. She shut one eye and pulled a lever, charging straight towards humongous vessel.

"Tak? Have I ever told you you look very pretty when you're aggressive?"

"Zim, shush! I'm not letting you drive!"

The pale pilot smiled a sadistic smile and ran a hand across his dashboard. A row of compartments opened under his windshield that fired electric blasts, hitting the Voot head-on and pushing it back.

"AAGH!" Tak shielded her eyes from the flash.

"Uhh, Tak...!" Zim spoke nervously. "No offense, but it looks as though your 'try not to die' plan isn't going very well! Perhaps we should- -"

"Shut UP! Nothing you say or do is going to improve this situation! Let me handle it!"

"But I th- -!" Zim was flung back to the rear wall as the Voot shook again. "OOF! That wasn't pleasant..."

Now upside-down, he observed the battle. The opposing ships had the Voot on the ropes. Tak, intensely focused on evasion, didn't have time to fight back anymore. Things were lookin' pretty bleak.

"Bleak...bleak. Ble-ack...blaaack...AHA! Of course!" After turning right side up, Zim began rummaging around. "Where are they, where are they...?! How could I lose anything in a ship this small?!"

The Voot took an explosive to the back, and Tak struggled to propel it forward. She heaved a few breaths and sat back.

The frog-like pilot tauntingly dashed in front of her. "And this is why you get the turbo upgrade!"

"HEY!" Zim popped back up, pointing at him. "Not everyone can afford that, you heathen! You dare assume our financial status?!"

"Hey, yeah...he's got a point!" the five-eyed pilot squinted. "I couldn't afford that upgrade either! What, does that make me inferior?!"

"Pretty much, yeah," shrugged the amphibious pilot.

"OH! OHH!" the beefy pilot raged. "You'll pay for your classism!"

The three of them began furiously fighting amongst themselves.

"Congratulations, Zim," Tak rolled her eyes. "By capitalizing on their pettiness, you bought us about three more minutes of living."

"No, I bought us ALL the minutes!" declared Zim. "Because we have something those three don't!"

"The power of love...?"

"AHAHAHAHAHA, nooo! Love is not a viable power source," Zim held up a rotund projectile weapon. "We have black hole torpedoes!"

"What?" Tak's eyes widened. "As in, torpedoes that create black holes on impact? And they actually work?"

"Indeed!" Zim nodded. "I invented them myself, and had a few stored in here."

Tak poked it, which made a little clanging noise. "But...that's scientifically impossible!"

"Not for me, it isn't! Now trust me on this. I said I wanted to do the 'steady' thing and I meant it!"

"Zim..." gasped Tak. "You ARE a genius!"

"Yes, I knew it wouldn't be long before you realized it," he replied sagely.

 _"YAAAAAAAAAA-HOO!" Zim's inner self rejoiced. "SHE CALLED ME A GENIUS!"_

It didn't take long for the Voot Cruiser to be equipped with the torpedoes, and with Zim now at the controls, it was ready to reenter the fray. But the ship was on its figurative last legs, so the Irken pair would only have one shot at this. One more hit, and everything might be over.

"Easy... _easy_..."

"..." Tak's hand hovered over the launch button.

Zim flew in the middle of the ships' collision just as they stopped firing.

"...NOW!"

Tak fired all the torpedoes at once.

Before any of the pilots could react, they had been struck and the torpedoes detonated, each one producing its own black hole. They had no chance of fleeing, and were sucked in.

"WE REGRET NOTHIIING!" they cried.

"Wow, that was kind of horrific," quipped Tak. "Wait a flagronanough. We're surrounded by black holes! How are we going to get away?!"

"Like this!" Zim yanked the steering mechanism.

The Voot began doing "doughnuts", the front of it pulling up slightly with each one. Centrifugal force flattened Zim and Tak against the driver's seat until their ship finally broke free of the immense force of gravity. It was smooth sailing once again.

"...okay," Tak began. "Maybe I can buy the torpedoes...but how did you pilot a ship that could barely fly a minute ago out of the range of multiple black holes?"

Zim blinked. "I just did it."

"But! That doesn't make any sense!" sputtered Tak. "HOW did you do that?!"

"Ingenuity," he said simply.

XXXXXXX329THINLINEXXXXXXX

After several exhausting hours of waiting, the Voot Cruiser was tugged into the #1 spot in line, the order window.

"Finally here!" Zim rubbed his hands together expectantly. "So, what do we want?"

"Sheeeeesh," Tak gaped at the enormous menu board. "How many monies have you got on you?"

Zim counted. "...682. And you?"

"None."

"O-Oh."

 _"Hellooo!"_ a feminine voice rang out from a speaker. _"Welcome to Swarba's, the best drive-through restaurant in the universe! Have you made a selection?"_

"Eh, what can we get for 682 Irken monies?" Zim asked.

 _"NOTHING! Have a nice day!"_

"WAIT!" shouted Tak. "We been waiting since 329th in line! We were in a space battle, our ship is wrecked, we barely escaped being sucked into black holes, and we're STARVING!"

 _"Well, that's sad, but...do you see how freaking expensive that menu is? Space inflation has hit us hard."_

"Come oooooooooon!" Zim and Tak begged.

 _"UGHHHHHH, I can't stand whining...fine. By my calculations, 682 monies can get you one, JUST ONE of our decuple deep-fried Topopan tater tots."_

"That's it?!" Zim snapped. "Mmgh!"

Tak had covered his mouth. "We'll take it!"

 _"Repel the cable and go to the next window..."_

Zim begrudgingly handed the cashier the monies. "All my tips from Shloogorg's...use them well."

"Uh, sure." She gave him the tater tot. "Thank you, come again. With _real_ money, though."

 **SLAM.**

XXXXXXXGOINBACKTOEARTHXXXXXXX

"Wowww," Zim spun the tater tot left & right in his hand. "So many oil layers..."

Tak put the ship on autopilot. "At least that thing's big enough to split."

Zim gladly pulled it apart and gave Tak half.

They ate their pieces in unison.

"..."

"..."

"WOOOOOOOOOOO!" they exclaimed as they salivated profusely.

"It was all worth it! It was all SO worth it!"

"Why should I bother eating anymore?! I have tasted perfection!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"URRGH," Zim clutched his gut. "That didn't last long."

"If eating half of that is damaging my metabolism this much, I don't even want to imagine what the entire thing would've done," wheezed Tak.

"...still worth it."

"Oh, definitely."

They both turned just a little more green on their way back home.

* * *

(A/N: Spacey's. It's good food, in space. But I've done enough reference jokes.

I kinda used this chapter to work on writing "action", and I'd say I did a decent job...I think y'all can tell I like small victories, the bittersweet endings. Hope you liked it, and stick around for more of my *cough* bullcrap. Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more STUFF! See y'all next time!)


	35. Pet Day

(A/N: Heyyy, 'nother chapter comin' right at ya! This one was requested by **Sandshrew master 317**! Thanks for the support! Speaking of requests, I decided that if/when I get _20_ , then I will stop taking them. Right now, I've gotten 12 total, 3 of which have yet to be written. So yeah

Also, this chapter is centered more around GIR and MiMi than Zim and Tak, but FEAR NOT! There is still a sufficient amount of ZATR)

* * *

Ch. 35: Pet Day

 _Summary: Zim and Tak have to bring GIR and MiMi to Skool with them._

* * *

"This is complete BULL DOOKIE! How dare Ms. Bitters declare participation in this foolish 'Bring Your Pet To Skool Day' ritual mandatory! As if I don't have enough to deal with, being expected to conquer the planet and all! This is a waste of my precious Zim time!"

Tak blinked at him. "It sure was nice of you to lay all that out for anyone who might have missed it...AKA, not me."

"I tend to spout exposition when I'm mad. And worse!" Zim continued his rant. "She forced us to purchase these 'pet carriers'! Where's the fairness in making me spend monies on something I'm only going to use once?!"

GIR's head poked out of his carrier. "You stole 'em, though!"

"SILENCE, GIR! ZIM IS BROODING!"

"Don't worry, the whole pet thing is only going to take up fifteen minutes of class...twenty tops," assured Tak. "Then we don't have to concern ourselves with these two until it's time to go home. Everything's going to be just fine."

"Have you _met_ GIR?! Everything is NOT going to be just fine!"

"Just do your best to keep him in check. You _are_ the mighty Invader Zim, aren't you?"

"YES! I! AM!" Zim determinedly held the carrier to his face. "GIR, if you behave yourself- -'behave' meaning no talking or harassing the humans or vandalizing property- -I shall accompany you to an Earth shopping center of your choosing!"

"Really?! We're goin' to the furniture store?! REALLY?!"

"IF you behave!"

"OH, BOY!"

"Good." Tak peeked into MiMi's carrier. "We're doomed."

XXXXXXXPETPRESENTATIONSXXXXXXX

"In con-clu-si-on, GIR is a 100% average human dog with nothing abnormal about him whatsoever," Zim spoke in a bored tone. "May I take my seat now?"

"Yes, you've gone on more than long enough. You get an A just like everyone else," said Ms. Bitters. "Alright, now that that's over with- -"

"Ms. Bitters!" Dib raised a hand. "I haven't presented yet!"

"So?"

"I thought this was mandatory?"

The teacher let out a very long sigh. "...fine."

Dib raced to the front of the classroom carrying a bird cage. He also had a hazmat suit on, so it was rather noisy. "As you may already know, I have an allergy to pet hair."

"I highly doubt anyone knew that," muttered Tak.

"So today, I've brought my very own ROBO-BIRD!" Dib gestured toward the mechanical bird in the cage. "Or 'Bo-Bi', as he's nicknamed. He's modeled after a raven, completely hypoallergenic and can pretty much do anything a bird can do. But better! I'll show- -"

"Okay, that's enough,"Ms. Bitters interrupted.

"But! My dad built Bo-Bi just for today! Seriously, he's gonna self-destruct at midnight. _Bo-Bi's_ gonna self-destruct, that is, not my dad. Just ONE trick?"

The teacher let out a very, very long sigh. "...one trick."

"Watch, guys, this is gonna blow your minds," Dib opened the cage and took out a lil' bouncy ball. "Come on, boy, just like you were programmed!"

He tossed the ball up high, signaling Bo-Bi to fly up and press it against the ceiling, now upside-down. He rolled around on the ball. The students broke into wild applause; one of their heads even exploded!  
After rolling his eyes, Zim spotted Tak clapping.

"TAK!"

She stopped. "What? I thought it was neat."

"Wow," breathed Dib. "I actually blew their minds!"

Ms. Bitters seemingly woke up from a nap. "Yes, very nice, Dib. You get a C."

"C?! Why a C?"

"Robots can't really be classified as pets. Much like me, they're incapable of feeling love."

"But Zim and Tak's pets are robots, and you gave them A's!"

"YOU'RE LYING!" Zim interjected.

The teacher let out a very, very, VERY long sigh. "...you get a B."

"I'll take it!"

"Yeah, you will. Now everyone get your pets caged and place them at the back of the room. Then open your health textbooks to page 131. Today, we will be learning all about cholesterol, specifically its horrific effects on your ventricles."

The students did just that, and so class went on.  
But of course, it wasn't long before GIR became oh so bored. Thankfully(?), he had a clear view of MiMi from his carrier.

He waved at her, and she waved back. He grinned, and her tail did a little wag. Their silent conversation was cut short by a metallic tapping sound. It was Bo-Bi, gripping his cage bars. He shuffled around the edges, moving vertically as he did so. GIR and MiMi were both amused by this.

GIR turned his body one way and his head the other, letting them whirl in opposite directions before collapsing. MiMi had seen GIR do this a dozen times, but she still looked pleased.

Bo-Bi took the ball in his cage and kept it airborne with successive headbutts. He gave an arrogant little look and ricocheted it off the edges of the cage. Using all his appendages, he was still able to keep it up.

MiMi's tail swished back and forth excitedly.

GIR tried thinking of something else to do. Being GIR, the best he could think of was wrapping his tongue around his head. He was rather proud of himself for doing so, but MiMi wasn't even looking.  
Now Bo-Bi was hanging upside-down from his little perch, still keeping the ball from falling as it bounced around the cage. MiMi was practically entranced.

Some unpleasant feeling arose within GIR. He didn't know how, but he had to vent.

"AROOOOO!" he howled sadly. "AROOOO! AROOOOOOO!"

Zim's wig stood on end. "UM...pardon me, Ms. Bitters. My ordinary human dog needs...uh...you don't care, do you?"

"No. Just make it stop."

"Will do!"

Zim dashed to the back of the room and smacked the top of GIR's cage, silencing him.

"GIR! What do you think you're doing?!" he whispered, kneeling down. "You are SO close to losing that trip to the furniture store!"

"Master! I dunno what to do!" GIR whined in a hushed tone. "I don't have wings or a beak!"

"What are you talking about?!"

GIR sniffled, surprising Zim a little. "MiMi! She loves Bo-Bi more than me now!"

"Who?"

GIR pointed behind him. Zim peeked over his shoulder and saw MiMi marveling at Bo-Bi's stunts.

"Oh." Zim tapped his chin. "I see what's happening here."

"Ya do?"

"What's that supposed to mean, you master-doubting ingrate?!" Zim snapped, shaking the cage. "Of course I do!"

A couple students seated in the back row looked at him and exchanged shrugs.

"Listen, GIR, I am quite well-versed in the emotion you're experiencing," Zim admitted. "And if only to keep you from blowing our cover, I'm going to give you some advice."

"OOH!" GIR reached through the bars. "Gimme, gimme!"

"That just means I'm going to tell you what to do."

"Oh...gimme, gimme!"

"Well, when I want Tak to pay attention to me, I just do something annoy- -I mean, something that could be falsely interpreted as annoying. Which shouldn't be difficult for you."

"No foolin'?"

"Yes, yes, it's simple. Watch and learn." Zim stood, marched over to Tak's desk and lay on top of it.

Tak eyed him absentmindedly. "...hey. Hello. HELLO. Zim!"

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what'? You're on my desk! Now what do you want?"

Zim did a condescending little chuckle. "Tak, I understand how desperate you are for my attention, but not everything I do revolves around you."

" _What was that?!_ " Tak forcefully grabbed his arm before raising her free hand. "Ms. Bitters, I need to speak with Zim in private for a minute."

"Go ahead."

"SEE?" Zim called to GIR as he was yanked out of the room.

"Wha- -?! Ms. Bitters, you let them leave without a hall pass!" sputtered Dib.

"Dib, you now have a C."

"Awww..."

"Ohhh, I get it!" GIR's tail wagged. "Master's such a smart cookie!"

He began spittling on the floor, and it didn't take long for him to form a sizable puddle. That could definitely be interpreted as annoying.  
When MiMi noticed the saliva puddle, she made a disgusted face, then turned back to Bo-Bi.

GIR was at a loss, but he figured he'd keep following Zim's advice anyway. So he simply did as he felt, rolling around in self-pity. His rolling became so violent that the pet carrier broke open.

"Oopsies."

Some kids in the back row noticed this. "Hey, it's Zim's 100% average human dog!"

They partook in petting GIR, and he relished it before remembering he was supposed to be annoying. He bit one of their hands.

"OW! Dangit, now I have MORE rabies!"

The kids backed off of GIR as he glanced behind him. Still nothing from MiMi. Time to up the ante! With a crazed laugh, GIR released all the pets from their carriers, tanks, cages, etc.

"VIVA LA REVOLUTION!"

"AHHHHHH!" the children shrieked.

Snakes went slithering, hamsters went skittering, fish splashed their gross bowl-water on people; the classroom was a real madhouse. GIR cackled, satisfied with what he'd caused.  
Just then, he saw MiMi staring at him.

She approached him, and something about the way she did it made GIR feel...not good. She gave him a questioning look. Solemnly, GIR pointed at Bo-Bi, who was pecking some unfortunate child's flesh.

MiMi shook her head at GIR, then softly touched her paw to his chest. After retracting it, she turned her head one way and her body the other, letting them whirl in opposite directions before collapsing.

"OOOH-HOO-HOO! MiMi still loves me!" GIR patted her brow. Then he did a little dance. "Oh, wait."

In the blink of an eye, GIR rounded up the pets and put them back in their carriers. Some of them ended up in the wrong ones, but whatever! Zim hadn't returned yet, so GIR didn't have to restrain himself.

He yodeled to get everyone's attention. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, folks!"

Ms. Bitters's students calmed down.

"Zim's dog?"

"Why did you revolt? We loved you!"

"Okay, does no one find it odd that he's talking and standing like a person?"

"Quiet, Dib!"

"My master was wrong! Like Nostradamus!" GIR went on. "He told me being annoying was the only way to go! But now I see...! Uh...uuum..."

MiMi kicked him.

"That I should just be myself! Mm-hmm, that's it."

Melvin nodded. "How inspirational."

"You...First off, that's a terrible moral," Dib began. "And second, what are you even talking about? Like, what is this?!"

Poonchy squinted at him. "You're just jealous!"

"OF _WHAT_?!"

"Dib, your grade isn't gonna be the only thing suffering if you don't stop."

"Man, I hate this class! So much! HATE!"

 _BRI-I-I-I-ING!_

The students got to packing up as GIR and MiMi sped out to the hallway.

"Master! Mean lady! We revolted!"

"OH!" Tak jerked away from Zim, releasing his hands. "That's...that sounds fun."

Zim cleared his throat. "Yes, you can thank me for my brilliant advice later."

"Umm, whatchu doin'?"

"Nothing," Tak answered quickly. "Let's go home; this day is finally over!"

GIR clung to his master's leg. "But we still gotta go to the furniture stooore!"

"Uhugh...why do I promise things?" Zim groaned. "We'll go tomorrow! And by tomorrow, I mean in the next chapter."

"YAYYY!"

* * *

(A/N: That's right! Goin' to IKEA next chapter! Ain't youse excited?! BTDubs, Dib being allergic to pet hair is from the comics, and y'all know how much I love to ste- -I mean, borrow material. I swear, another chapter like this and Dib really is gonna end up in the looney bin.  
RIP, Bo-Bi. He only lasted one chapter.

Anyway, as usual, hope you liked the chapter to some degree. Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and check out my profile for more. See youse next time!)


	36. Furniture Store

(A/N: Hey! Uh...hey.)

* * *

Ch. 36: Furniture Store

 _Summary: As per GIR's request, everyone goes on a trip to the furniture store._

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we- -"

"GIR, GET OFF OF MY BACK! Both literally and figuratively. But to answer your question, yes. At last, we are here, at the furniture store!" Zim announced, gesturing towards the enormous shopping center. "Huzzah!"

"Oh, boyyy!" GIR jumped up and down with MiMi. "Upholstery~!"

"Uh-huh." Tak crossed her arms. "And why am I here?"

"Because I promised GIR I would- -!"

"No, no. Why am _I_ here? Me, Tak."

"I think my brain meats are a bit scrambled from the trip here..." Zim admitted. "Well, you knew MiMi would want to tag along on GIR's little...excursion."

"AND?"

"And I can't be left to look after two deranged robots on my own! That's a death sentence!"

"Hey! MiMi isn't deranged! She's a bit odd, but not deranged! And even that's only because GIR's rubbed off on her."

"Oh. They're like us!"

"No, they're not!"

"I like when you fight with my master," GIR piped up. "Gives me a sense of purpose!"

Tak squinted at him. "Quiet, you."

The automatic doors slid open. The interior of the furniture was lined with shelf after shelf of household items and furnishings. Fixtures, appliances and settings as far as the eye could see.

"SWEET STARS AND GARTERS, THIS PLACE IS HUGE!" exclaimed Zim.

"Yeah, it was huge from the outside..." Tak grumbled. "Now let's get this over with, so we can get back to onquering-cay the anet-play."

"Whatting the what?"

GIR gasped dramatically. "FOOOOOD!"

He dashed over a mini Chinese restaurant beside the entrance and pounded on the counter, the rest of the group semi-reluctantly following him over to it.

"FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!"

"How much money do you have?" Tak asked.

GIR (literally) coughed up a few coins. "We gots 4 quarters!"

"And what can we get for that measly amount?"

"Well...uh..." the cashier stammered at the odd quartet. "The most you could get with that is 4 fortune cookies."

"Oooh!" Zim and GIR mused. "What're those?"

The cashier ignored them, took the quarters and pulled the cookies out of a jar.

"I'll explain," Tak assured the two. "Do you have anything else _I_ could get, though?"

"Uhhhm, you could get a Chinese finger trap for 15 cents. Some people find those de-stressing."

"What's that?"

The cashier held one up. "It's a little tube you put two of your fingers in and they get stuck."

"Why would I want that?"

"Because it's fun...?"

"I'll take it." Tak snatched it from him and received a dime. "Anything to help me keep my sanity today."

GIR ate his cookie whole and spat out the paper. "Oooh! 'Good...luck...is...coming...y-your...wayyy.' Good luck is coming my way! The cookie said so!"

"That's ridiculous!" Zim scoffed before looking at Tak. "...it's ridiculous, right?"

"Well, not entirely," she replied. "See, fortune cookies have messages in them said to tell the future. So whatever the paper in your cookie says is what's going to happen to you. It's like a tasty little heads-up. Kind of interesting."

"What?! Why would you let me buy something that's going to bring me misfortune?! You viper!"

"It could say something good, y'know!"

"But it could say something bad?"

"Well, yes- -"

"VIPER!"

Tak rolled her eyes as MiMi cracked her cookie open and gave the pieces to GIR. She looked pleased with the fortune, which read "You will have a pleasant time out."

"See?" the female Irken pointed out. "I'm telling you, there's a 99% chance it'll say something good. Even if not, it's just a paper; it isn't really psychic. People just make them for fun."

"Where's the 'fun' in putting my future at risk?!"

"Alright, then throw it away!"

"No! What if something bad happens?!"

"Like what?! Are the cookie gods going to smite you or something?"

"Maybe!"

"Since when were you so paranoi- -actually, never mind. If you're that worried, just leave it be," Tak advised. "And, I just realized. What are we doing here without any money? I think we've committed enough felonies as of now."

"Oh, GIR doesn't buy furniture here. He says he just likes coming because it's 'fun', whatever that means...and he and MiMi are gone already."

"Huh?!" Tak looked around. "Oh, ffffurniture. Let's split up and find them to make sure they don't get us thrown in juvenile detention! Or whatever this city's equivalent of that is."

"Uh-huh..." Zim mumbled, entranced by his fortune cookie.

"ZIM!"

"HM?!" He stood to attention.

"GET LOOKING!"

"Y-Yes, ma'am!"

And so, they went their separate ways.

It didn't take too long for Tak to pick up on GIR's path of destruction. As she mentally braced herself for whatever mess she would find him in, she examined the Chinese finger trap.

"If humans made these things, they can't be that hard to get out of...and maybe they ARE de-stressing," she muttered.

Overcome with curiosity, she put her index fingers into the trap. She tugged at it nonchalantly on her trek through the furniture store. But after about a minute, this got on her nerves and she got a little more serious.

"Hrrrgh! How does this even work...?"

She nearly collapsed when she heard GIR's crazed laughter. Regaining her composure, she found him jumping up and down on a bed.

"THREE LITTLE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED, ONE FELL OFF AND, UHH...NOW HE'S A LEMUR! HEHE!" GIR jumped so hard that the bedframe broke, startling Tak. "Phew! That one wasn't as firm as the others!"

Just then, Tak noticed several busted beds behind GIR.

"Hey! I know you're supposed to be having fun here, but those beds were expensive to somebody!" she scolded him. "Now get down from there!"

"You gotta catch meee!" GIR giggled and ran off.

"Hey, wait up! No fair!" Tak tugged at the finger trap again. "This stupid thing isn't de-stressing at all!"

XXXXXXXWITHZIMXXXXXXX

"Need help finding something, sir?"

Zim hissed at the employee who had addressed him and they scurried away. He wiped his precious fortune cookie off just in case any human germs had gotten on it.

"Hmph. Now what was I doing? Ah yes, searching for those SIR units. If I don't, Tak will cause me...unpleasantness," Zim reminded himself. "This place really IS huge, though. There must be some easier way to do this."

He scanned one of the impossibly tall shelves and deduced that climbing them was the best idea. Yeah...the best idea. So, after tucking his cookie into his PAK, he began scaling the shelves.

"Hrrgh...!" he grunted. "All the effort...I put in, and...this is where it gets me..."

Eventually, Zim reached the very top of the shelf. He caught his breath before peeking over the edge. From that altitude, all the customers looked like ants.

"GIR! MIMI!" he called out. "I had a feeling you'd force me into a perilous situation, but I figured it'd take longer than this...AHA!"

He spotted MiMi atop one of the other shelves. She gave Zim an alarmed reaction and headed in the opposite direction.

"Come back here, y- -YEEE!" Zim stopped himself from running off the edge of the shelf. "Um...aha! Again!"

He grabbed a box of Christmas lights right from under him and formed a makeshift lasso.

"Ha! Christmas actually provided me with something useful!"

After swinging it a bit and doing some mental aerobics, he flung it over to MiMi and it wrapped around her tail.

"Double ha! Now all I have to do is pull her over he- -AGHHHHH!"

Sadly, Zim failed to account for MiMi's strength, and as she ran and leapt along the tops of the shelves, he was yanked after her. Vice grip on the string of lights, he flew off of the shelf he was originally positioned on and went swinging between them, through the aisles.

"AHHHH, NO! You weren't actually supposed to antagonize me!" He futilely tried to slow himself down in midair. "AGHHH!"

"Hi, Master!" GIR waved to him as he swept by. "Bye, Master!"

"Uh, hi. Wait! Don't wave at me, GIR, you're in trouble!" Zim yelled back.

"Not yet, heehee! WHEEEEE-HOO!" GIR backflipped off of a chandelier and munched on some wax fruit.

As he sprung from furniture set to furniture set, Tak struggled to keep up with him. She stopped to catch her breath.

"This...this is all this stupid finger trap's fault! It's what got me into this mess...!" She gnawed on it. "Nyeagh! Nyeagh! NYAHN!"

A messy child holding an ice cream bar approached her. "Whatcha doin', lady?"

"Rrrgh! I'm _trying_ to get this stupid finger trap off so I can stop my partner's dog servant from getting me thrown in juvie!"

The kid simply licked his snack. "You don't know how to get outta that?"

"No! Now quit dribbling chocolate everywhere and leave me be!"

"Mm, okay," the kid shrugged and turned. "I try to be nice..."

"WAIT!"

"Whuh?"

"You wouldn't happen to know how, would you?"

"I would, actually. You just gotta push your fingers towards each other instead of pulling them apart. Lemme show you."

"DON'T touch me!" Tak jerked away. "Besides, that'd never work! I probably just have to pull even harder!"

"Whatever you say. But you're gonna lose your fingers before you get them out that way," the kid walked off nonchalantly.

"Hmph..." Tak could hear GIR's overjoyed giggling in the distance. That and a bunch of crashing noises. "Just this once, I'm going to put a bit of faith in humanity. JUST. THIS. ONCE."

She pushed her fingers up against each other and the trap loosened. Relieved, Tak slipped one finger out and shook the trap off of the other.

"Ah, that felt good. And now my mind has been cleared! KID!"

The kid came back. "You called?"

"Hey, kid!"

"I have a name, you know."

"Don't care! Here!" Tak excitedly held out her dime. "If I give you _10 whole cents_ , will you give me that ice cream?"

"If that's what you're into...okay!"

They made the exchange.

"Great!" Tak paused before leaving. "...who are you?"

The kid flipped the dime. "A friend. A middle child. But above all, a person who loves ice cream."

Whistling a chipper little tune, the kid sauntered off.

"...?" Tak went chasing after GIR. She'd lost sight of him; stepping out into the open, she cleared her throat. "Boy, am I glad I've got this icy, creamy treat!"

GIR poked out of a cabinet. "Hm?"

"Mmm, yes! A chocolate ice cream bar!" Tak went on, holding it up. "And it's slathered in human saliva! Too bad GIR isn't here to enjoy this! I guess I'll just have to eat it all by my lonesome!"

"ICECREAMWITHSALIVA!" GIR zoomed out and clung to Tak's arm. "Gimme, gimme!"

"AGH!" She stumbled slightly. "Hey! Hey! You can eat it on your way out of this store!"

XXXXXXXBACKWITHZIMANDMIMIXXXXXXX

"OW!...AGH!...OOF!...OWW!"

Zim kept getting knocked into the sides of the shelf brackets MiMi was running on.

"You aren't even trying to help me avoid these, are you?!" he growled. "Well, let's see how you like it! HAH! EEP!"

He'd given the Christmas lights a sharp tug, but instead of pulling MiMi towards him, it nearly ripped it. The Irken was now practically dangling by a thread. Many feet below him was a cold, hard floor. Many feet above him was MiMi, poised to jump to the next shelf.

"Oh no, oh no! Uncertainty...!" Zim frantically eyed his surroundings. His PAK clanked against one of the shelves and his fortune cookie fell out. "AHH, NO! That cookie must be preserved! My soul is linked to it...I presume!"

The cookie only got closer to the floor, and just as Zim was about to risk diving after it, MiMi darted out and caught it.

Zim let out a sigh. "You caught it! ...hey, wait. If you're down there, then what am I tied to right no- -!"

Physics finally kicked in and sent Zim hurtling downward.

"AHHHHH- -OOF!" Zim felt around; he had landed softly. "A...Am I dead? I don't feel dead...what a twist it'd be if I'd been dead for years now."

Finally, he opened his eyes, and realized that a mattress had been placed below him. MiMi climbed onto it and handed him the cookie.

"MiMi? It's about time you started treating me like your master! Or at least honorary master! But did you really have to put me through all that?"

MiMi shrugged playfully.

"Ughh...you really are like GIR sometimes."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The automatic doors slid open as Zim, GIR, Tak and MiMi exited the furniture store. Tak was saturated in chocolate and GIR licked the last of the ice cream from her hand. Zim had MiMi around his shoulders as he stared intensely at his fortune cookie.

"Well, that certainly was a fun and unforgettable experience for me." Tak's frown deepened as GIR burped. "How about the rest of you?"

The group nodded.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Zim cracked the cookie open and took a deep breath. "...I'M TOO NERVOUS! Tak, read it for me!"

Tak took the paper. "It says 'You will receive a pleasant gift from a loved one'. I told you it'd be good."

"Phew!" Zim wiped his brow. "My glorious future is still intact!"

"And that gives me an idea."

"What's that?"

"I could give you a 'pleasant gift' right here and now."

"...!" Zim reddened.

"Here." Tak handed him the Chinese finger trap and took MiMi off his shoulders. "Have fun. Now let's go home."

"Well...might as well," Zim put his index fingers into it. "Besides, all I have to do is pull really hard!"

* * *

(A/N: I did it! I finished! I swear, my writer's block showed...this was one of my least thought-out chapter ideas, so I combined it with another half-baked one and hoped it'd turn out decent. Kinda similar to Chapter 17, though... Anyway, requests on the way! Still 5 more until I reach 20 and after that, I stop taking requests, so if you have any ideas, get 'em to me now.

That said, please review, fave, follow, check out my profile for more and I hope to see you next time!)


	37. Breakin' The Law

(A/N: I'M BAAAECK!...hi. Hopefully updates will be a bit more frequent now that it's SUMMERTIME and I'm trying to clear out these requests. Speaking of which, partial credit for this chapter goes to **DarkDremora**. Thanks, my dude!

Now READ ON!)

* * *

Ch. 37: Breakin' The Law

 _Summary: For her sake, Tak tries to avoid any danger, but Zim puts a damper on her plans._

* * *

 **MONDAY**

It'd been a while now since Tak caught onto her "affliction". It'd only acted up a couple times before, but it seemed like every time she and Zim got stuck in some life-threatening situation, she'd feel "hot and bothered", if you catch that drift. She couldn't help it, it was just that whenever those situations occurred, she'd get the feeling like it'd the last time she'd ever be with Zim. Might as well end on a high note, right...?

But now she had a plan! All she had to do was safe-proof their conquer-the-planet schemes from now on! As long as she and Zim stayed out of danger, he wouldn't get any...misguided ideas.

It was a fresh, new week and Tak was ready to execute this. She came up behind Zim in the lab.

"Hey! Come on, let's get to Skool."

"We're not going to Skool today."

"Maybe you aren't, but I'm not getting ultimate detention again. Later."

"WAIT!" Zim faced her, smirking widely. "You won't want to go to Skool once you bear witness to my creation!"

"Prove it."

Zim pushed a button, raising a tube-shaped chamber out of the floor. "THIS is a transmutation module! It can alter the shape and size of any life form!"

"Really?" Tak crossed her arms. "Could it change a man into a beast, and vice versa?"

"Not entirely! Just reshape them. Rearrange their bones and flesh in a mostly painless process."

"Then that isn't 'transmutation', it's just mutation."

"Tomato, potato."

"And why'd you make this? So you could finally be taller than me?"

Zim scoffed several times. "Nooo! Nooo."

 _"There goes my afternoon,"_ he thought.

"I'm going to use it on Nick!"

"Who?"

"You know, Nick! Nick E. Lodeon?"

Tak shuddered. "Your overly saccharine human test subject?"

"Yes, I'm going to examine how the happiness distribution in his body reacts to the alterations. There's a human expression 'happy as a clam' that inspired me to incubate him in clam juice! Now he's soggy and ripe for experimentation! And I could use some extra assistance running the machine!"

"Sorry, but I'll have to pass." Tak switched her disguise on. "This isn't quite worth getting detention over. But promise me you'll _be careful_."

"When am I NOT careful?"

XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX

"...but they didn't have a formal military. So they found themselves helpless in the face of the enemy attack..."

Tak rolled her eyes at the seemingly endless lecture. She gazed out the window and did a double take. What looked like an enormous Nick was frolicking among the buildings in the distance. Her eyes widened.

"M-Ms. Bitters, I have to go!"

"Not during the lecture, you don't."

"But-! I-!...I left my medication in my locker! If I don't take it, I'll blow chunks ALL over this room! It's reached ceiling-level before!"

"Needlessly vivid, but fine. Go."

Tak dashed out of the classroom, and all the way back to the base as quickly as her legs would carry her; she found it in shambles.

"Ungh...! ZIIIM! Please tell me you aren't buried in rubble!"

"Tak!" Zim popped out of a shrub. "Was it a half day today?"

"What're you doing in that bush?"

"I can't exactly take cover in the base, can I? I think the chamber reacted adversely to the clam juice. Now Nick is permanently giant! But it's okay!"

"What part of this is okay?!"

"Giant Nick is destroying the humans for me! It's just like Peepi, except my instrument of destruction is actually obeying me this time!"

"'Peepi'...?"

"You weren't there for that."

"So you think it'll be smooth sailing to world domination now?" Tak clung to Zim's arm as debris flew towards them. "You don't think anything's going to go wrong?"

Zim eyed her strangely. "Why do you always think that? NO, nothing's going to go wrong!"

Suddenly, Giant Nick froze in place. His happiness probe fell out of his head as he shook all over before standing straight.

"At last, my happiness level has reached its zenith," the colossal boy spoke. "I have no more pleasure to be found on this plane of existence. Only pain. By my enlightenment, I must ascend...ascend...ASCEEEND!"

Giant Nick turned away from the city towards the shore and strolled right on into the ocean. The townspeople rejoiced at his ascension (and the end of his assault on their livelihoods).

"...well, that was anticlimactic!" Zim fumed. "He barely destroyed anything! The navy didn't even get involved!"

"Thank goodness! I mean, that's too bad! I'm just glad we survived that." Tak patted his arm. "Will you come to Skool now?"

"I WOULD, but look at the house! Not to mention the damage Nick did to the lab! I've got to stay here and get everything repaired before the humans start asking questions. You know how much I abhor questions!"

"Well, alright..."

Tak hurried back to Skool, grateful things were kept under control.

 **TUESDAY**

"Zim! Hurry, we're going to be late! I swear, it's like you're _trying_ to get in trouble."

"I can't help being a busybody," Zim muttered, sliding out from under the Voot Cruiser. "Well, this won't be flying any time soon. Curse that Nick!"

Tak surveyed the demolished lab. "It took you practically all day and night to determine that?"

"No, I spent that on something else!" Zim got up and rounded a corner. "I'll go get that something!"

"Okay, but we really need to get a move on!"

A couple seconds later, Zim returned on a motorcycle...just a full-on motorcycle.

"Wwwhat's this?"

"A motorcycle!"

"Yes, Zim. I know it's a motorcycle. I'm asking why you have it."

"Well, with the Voot temporarily useless, I need some way to cover long distances, don't I? It's a bit primitive, but I get a good feeling from it."

"Do you even have a motorcycle license?"

"No, but Human McMan does! ...Human McMan is the name I used to rent this."

"And that's another felony under the belt."

"LOOK! You were just complaining about hurrying to Skool! We can hurry on this!"

"Any helmets?"

"Helmets are for crabs and soft-skulled humans...do you want to get there on time or not?!"

"...against my better judgment, fine. Should I sit behind you, or on the handlebars?" Tak asked sarcastically.

"Whichever!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long afterward, Zim and Tak were motorcycling their way to Skool. Zim wasn't particularly well-versed in the rules of the road, but with Tak's "guidance", they were making decent progress. When they stopped at a red light, a few other people on motorcycles stopped next to them.

One of them turned to Zim. "...hey."

Zim glanced at him. "Wha...?"

"You wanna race?"

"Spe-SPEAK UP!" Zim hollered. "THESE MOTORS ARE NOISY!"

"I said, WANNA RACE?!"

"TO WHERE?"

"HEY!" Tak tugged Zim's tunic. "It doesn't matter where! We're going to Skool, nowhere else!"

"Aha, WE SHALL RACE TO THE SKOOL!" Zim declared.

"FINE! BY! MEEE!"

"Not by me!" Tak protested again. "Why are you even bothering with these randos?!"

"Didn't you want to get to Skool quickly?" Zim replied. "We'll get there even more quickly doing this! Besides, I haven't really had a chance to test this vehicle's capabilities. This'll be like a test run!"

"But- -!"

"LIGHT'S GREEN!"

With that, all the motorcycles went screeching down the road. They zoomed past buildings, trees and awestruck pedestrians. All the motorcycles were roughly the same speed, none of them pulling too far from the others. The longer the race went on, the more twists, turns, tunnels and other obstacles the participants passed through, giving the event a more chaotic atmosphere.  
Ducking under a branch, Tak pressed her face against Zim's collar and tightened her arms around him.

A shudder ran through him, wobbling the motorcycle. "U-Uh, Tak?"

"Huh?!"

"Are you, um...itchy?"

"No, why?"

"No reason! I just feel a certain element of scratching post-ism."

Tak stopped. "NO, YOU DON'T."

As the Skool came into view, Zim finally managed to push his motorcycle ahead of the others, reaching it first.

"VICTORYYY!" he boasted. "Haha, and with minimal effort!"

He did little victory clasps as the huffy bikers stopped behind him.

"How could we lose...?!"  
"We're wearing fingerless gloves and everything!  
"We won't forget this, kid!" they vowed before riding off.

"Drama queens." Tak slid off the motorcycle. "At least we got here on time. Come on, Zim."

"Oh, I just came to drop you off. I still have to work on the base."

"I thought your computer had finished rebuilding it by now."

"The house part, yes. Everything else, no. SEE YA!"

Tak stared after him. "...never again."

On his way back home, Zim thought back to Tak's weirdness. "Hmm."

 **WEDNESDAY**

Tak stormed out of the Skool building. She hadn't heard from Zim since yesterday morning, and was getting really tired of making up for his absences and going through the day alone. She spotted Zim, dressed like a typical greaser (A/N: For those who don't know what "greaser" means, it's a popular 1950s American teen subculture. Greasers traditionally wear leather jackets and boots, jeans, sunglasses and slicked-back hair), by his motorcycle next to the sidewalk.

"Hey!" he waved. "How was Skool?"

"THERE you are! Where have you been?! What were you doing?! Why didn't you tell me?! And what are you wearing?"

"Pretty spiffy, eh? But to answer your questions, I had another run-in with those motorcycle humans."

"Were they still mad at you? Did they hurt you?"

"What? No!" chuckled Zim. "Like everybody, they were impressed with me, and asked me to join their coalition! And I agreed to!"

"So, that's why you've missed class," Tak narrowed her eyes. "You're in a...biker gang."

"That is the current state of affairs, yes."

"Zim, why would you of all people want to be in a gang?"

"I admit I was apprehensive at first, but honestly, those humans were pretty persuasive; there are plenty of benefits to this way of life! I don't have to obey the law, I get this uniform, I get free snacks, and best of all, I get to push around weak civilians!"

"My g- -You realize you could get in SO much trouble doing this!"

Zim adjusted his shades in irritation. "Well, I 'could' do many things. I 'could' be spray painting alleyway walls right now, but I came to get you instead. Now let's go; you can see what it's like!"

"Why don't we just go work on our mission in the safety and tranquility of our home?"

"Mmmmm, we 'could' do that, but something tells me you'd enjoy what I had planned more. It'll be all high-stakes, just how you like it!"

"What?!" Tak reddened. "What do you mean?!"

"What do you think I mean?"

"Ughhh, Zim!...ZIM! UGH!" Tak stomped away. "Let me know when you find your marbles!"

Zim watched her go. "I bet she's going to turn around any second now...now...nnnowww...well, that didn't go quite as well as I expected. OH, WELL! She'll change her mind eventually!"

 **THURSDAY**

"And somehow, he was on the other line too! I just about- -" Zim blanched. "MMGH. I think...I need a minute."

"...?"  
The gang members looked at him oddly. They were all just chillin', playing billiards, and suddenly this.

"Hold my fruit snacks, Jorge!" commanded Zim. "If you eat any of them, I'll destroy you."

Everyone stared after him as he exited the pool hall.  
"That Human McMan's pretty cool."

Outside, Zim was beginning to panic, clutching around his torso.

"What is this unbearable, foreign feeling?! Could it be...doubt? What could I possibly have done that- -...TAK. Ow ow owww!"

A tiny Zim in a devil costume climbed out of his shoulder. _"Tak? Please! What are you doubting about HER?"_

"..." Zim blinked. "I KNEW Jorge put something in my fruit snacks!"

 _"No, he didn't. I'm your shoulder devil! I've been trying to get out and talk to you for hours now! Listen, all you have to do is go convince Tak of how foolish she's being! Then she'll rejoin you and you'll be smothered in her affections! SMOTHERED."_

"But...do I want that? I don't think Tak would act that way under normal conditions, you know."

 _"I know, but does that matter? And even if things don't go exactly how you want, you can always quit, completely ramification-free!"_

"Well, that does sound pretty goo- -URGH, NOTANOTHERONE!"

A tiny Zim in an angel costume emerged from Zim's other shoulder. _"No! You mustn't manipulate Tak's emotions! No amount of affection is worth the risk of her hating you!"_

 _"It's not manipulation!"_ the Zim devil huffed. _"It's just placing her under certain conditions that will inevitably result in her behavior aligning with his desires!"_

 _"That's EXACTLY what manipulation is!"_

 _"Potato, tomato! Tak will love the alliance stuff! If Tak is happy, and Zim is happy, then I don't see an issue. Whatever happens happens."_

Zim nodded. "A fair point."

 _"Well, uh..."_ the Zim angel stammered. _"W-We'll see how happy he is when his crimes catch up to him and he's sent to federal prison! Tak will never forgive him for that!"_

"Another fair point. Counterarguments?"

 _"Um, well, um...just do what I told you to!_ " The devil slunk back into his shoulder. _"I think."_

 _"Honestly, I'm not so sure about my stance either,"_ the angel admitted, returning to the other shoulder. _"If only I had small, advisory versions of myself..."_

"Wait!"

 _"Hm?"_

"How do you exist?" Zim inquired. "I thought my conscience was destroyed."

 _"Oh, it was. But we're not part of your conscience, we're just conscience-themed hallucinations. Important distinction."_

"That's concerning..."

 **FRIDAY**

Just as Tak was leaving for Skool, Zim rolled into the cul-de-sac on his motorcycle, and he was back in his regular outfit.

She crossed her arms. "Well, look who came crawling back!"

"No time for sass! LISTEN," Zim dashed towards her, suddenly sheepish. "I have...terrible news, and mediocre news."

"Uh, what's the mediocre news?"

"I tried to quit that motorist association! Emphasis on 'tried'."

"And the terrible news?"

"They're on their way to destroy you!"

"What?! Why?!"

"They've undergone some embitterment over my quitting attempt," Zim paced back and forth. "They claimed you were the only reason I'd want to quit, and that to keep me and my glorious company in, they'd have to get rid of you!"

"What gave them that idea?"

"Not me! I think. If only there was something we could do to alleviate this tension between you and them," he cried dramatically. "So we could all be on the same page! The same side! That whole cooperation thing!"

"What's this 'we' business? They're YOUR gang! Deal with them yourself!"

"Heh? But how?!"

"Try to talk them out of it or something!" Tak reentered the base. "Good luck!"

Zim gulped. "Again, not as well as I expected..."

Inside, Tak pressed herself against the wall. It wasn't long before she heard the gang arrive. Overcome with curiosity, she peeked out the window. Oddly, the bikers didn't seem very murderous at all as they spoke with Zim. Maybe he was convincing them to leave? Well, now they looked a _little_ upset...oh, no, now they were beating him up and wrecking his motorcycle.

"MIMI!"

On her mistress's command, MiMi skittered outside and shot lasers at the bikers.

"McMan's got one of those laser cats!"  
"Let's get outta here!"  
"AGHHHHH!"

Petrified, they climbed back onto their motorcycles and rode off into the distance.

"Ha-HAHh...!" Zim, a wounded heap on the ground, pumped his fist in triumph. "You better r- -ow, it hurts to raise my fist."

"Honestly, I don't know when I didn't send MiMi out sooner." Tak stood over him. "So, what'd you tell them?"

"I..." Zim covered his eyes. "I orchestrated this scenario where I told you that the motorist humans were going kill you if I quit- -"

"So that was a lie."

"No! Well, yes, but DO NOT INTERRUPT ZIM! I really did try to quit, that's why they took my uniform back! They said I had one chance to keep them from 'ensuring I didn't rat them out the authorities'- -ow, doing air quotes hurts too- -and I tried to do that by getting you to join. BUT you didn't! You just deserted me!"

"I _saved_ you, moron! I had no way of knowing what was really going on! And I'd never get involved in this mess all because you wanted to play thrill-seeker!"

"Ohh," Zim spat up blood. "But I thought you liked being in peril."

"Zim..." Tak sighed heavily and sat beside him. "Do you know what 'arousal' is?"

"Of course!"

"..."

"...but explain it just in case."

"Simply put, it's when someone's body tells them to feel...certain feelings about something. But those feelings aren't always good, and they shouldn't let it guide their actions. At least you tried not to. And it was sweet of you to take that risk for me."

"Was i- -!"

Tak cut him off with a kiss. "The lab's good as new now, so come inside. You can stay home from Skool to get healed up."

"You'll have to help me up, my shins are broken."

XXXXXXXELSEWHEREXXXXXXX

"What the...?" Human McMan read his newest email. "I don't recall renting a motorcycle. Dangit, my ex must've found out my new credit card number. Time to move again!"

* * *

(A/N: Well...that was weird. It's crazy, I thought this chapter was gonna be so hard to write because of everything I planned to put in it, and to some extent it WAS, but a good chunk of it actually went smoothly. It was hella long, so it took a while to edit, but I don't really mind. Officially 3000+ words...Hope you liked it, and perhaps even learned a valuable lesson about thinking with your wee-wee.

Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and I shall see you next time. Still 5 request slots open! Au revoir!)


	38. Recuperation

(A/N: Hey-ooo! Back at it again with my...bullcrap. I'm actually posting this sooner than I'd planned. Hahaaa, thank you for all the reviews, guys. I've finally reached 100! SUGOI)

* * *

Ch. 38: Recuperation

 _Summary: Zim wakes up terribly injured to find that Tak has taken him to a human hospital..._

* * *

 _Re...activating..._

 ** _BZZT!_**

Zim jolted awake. "TELLMYSTORY! Wha…"

Stopping to take in his surroundings, he realized he could only see out of one eye. He was lying in a clean bed, and when he shuffled around, he heard a crackling noise. Wonderful, his PAK was damaged. The room at least appeared neat and tidy, with a couple furnishings. When he looked down, he saw that his right arm in a sling and blanket with some lumps in it. Thankfully, he had a good arm left to lift it, aaand both his legs were casted up.

"That's unfortunate. What happened...?" Zim went pale. "OH, NO...NO! This is a hosp- -!"

Just then, the door opened, and Tak entered with a nurse.

"Tak?!"

"Oh, you're awake," said the nurse. "Mr. Zim, your girlfriend is here to see you."

"I really prefer the term 'partner'," Tak spoke up. "'Girlfriend' doesn't sound quite right to me."

The nurse seemed to ignore that. "Can I get you anything? Cup of tea? Maybe some rice pilaf?"

Zim hissed at her, and she exited the room.

"Good, she left!" He pulled himself into sitting position. "Let's make our escape!"

"STOP, stop!" blurted Tak. "DON'T move, your PAK is on the verge of falling apart!"

Zim paused. "Guh…"

"Just stay down, I'll explain everything," Tak assured, rushing beside him. "I know you're confused."

"Tak, you're the confused one if you think I'm overreacting!"

"What?"

"Don't you realize where we are?! We're inside of a _hospital_!"

"I'm aware...I'm the one who brought you here."

"What?!" Zim tried to get up again. "Why would you- -?!"

"NO!" Tak pinned him down. "If you don't stop moving so much, I swear I'll make sure you need another eyepatch! Now let me EXPLAIN."

"...alright...are you going to hold me in this position the entire time? I don't mind if you are, I'm just asking."

"Ugh." Tak pushed a chair next to the bed and sat in it. "Tell me, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Mm, well, we were in the lab, feeding my new mutant fish man. Then you said something I didn't really pay attention to, then some other things happened, and then I woke up here. Is that an accurate recount?"

"Sort of. Look, here's what happened. You were feeding that fish guy, as I foolishly entrusted you to do, but you gave him the wrong food. Mole mutant food, to be specific. Admittedly, their packaging was rather similar, but that's beside the point. The mole food for some odd reason further mutated the fish man, making him part mole. He broke out of his tank with his super-strong mutant mole strength claws and attacked us with a vengeance," Tak narrowed her eyes. "Even though if it weren't for us, he'd still be working for chum, doing tricks at Oceanic Land..."

"So ungrateful. Wait, if he was after both of us, how come _your_ limbs don't seem broken?"

"I was getting to that! See...you claimed to know how to defeat the fish-mole-man mutant thing and got me to safety. After things died down, I returned to find that you'd finished the job. From the looks of it, you managed to suffocate him by stuffing his gills with GIR's rubber piggies and frankly, I'm glad I wasn't around to witness that. But unfortunately, you didn't come out of it unscathed..."

Zim gasped. "You mean I died?!"

"No!"

"Oh."

"You needed immediate treatment, and the lab's medical facility was a wreck, so I had no choice but to get your disguise on and bring you here," Tak concluded. "Don't worry, everything's fixed now."

"Everything except me!" Zim grouched. "How long have I been here?"

"About a day."

"A DAY?! What made you think you could leave me here this long?!"

"Is the air here toxic...? Why are you acting like you're in mortal danger?"

"Because I am! We both are! Haven't you heard about all the horrific operations and such that take place in human hospitals?! Oh, of course you have, they taught us in Skool!"

"Zim, those practices are from centuries ago. Humans are more advanced now."

"That's just what they want you to think! BUT THEY CAN'T FOOL ZIM!"

Tak's shoulders slumped. "Were you even listening? You practically sacrificed yourself to save me. After that, you'd really expect me to leave you severely injured and unconscious with a damaged PAK, all because of your dumb paranoia?"

"..." Zim's expression softened. "Very well...I'll stay as long as I must. But that better not be too long!"

"Good boy." Tak reached into her PAK. "While the doctors were tending to your wounds, I grabbed a couple things from the base so I can tend to your PAK. Now sit up. SLOWLY."

Zim did so and turned away from Tak. As she got to tinkering, he looked back over himself. He only just noticed he was wearing one of those light greenish hospital gowns.

"What happened to my uniform?"

"Your clothes were all ruined, so I had MiMi mend them," Tak explained. "The hospital staff insisted you wear that. Of course, I didn't let any of them change you into it..."

"...!" Zim's eyes lit up and he glanced at her.

"So I got GIR to do it."

"Oh..." Zim felt a sudden electric shock. "OWW-WUH!"

"I told you to hold still!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Well, hold still!"

XXXXXXXSOMETIMELATERXXXXXXX

"And...done!" Tak announced. "Your PAK's all fixed!"

"Good," Zim was relieved he could move (relatively) freely again. "Now we can get out of here."

Tak furrowed her brow. "No, we can't."

"Why not? You said the lab was fixed, I can recover there!"

"They have rules here, we can't just leave whenever we want! I've arranged for you to return home today, but it's going to take a while for my request to be processed."

"How long is a while?"

"Ehhh, a couple hours? They have quite a few patients to go through."

"WHA...and what am I supposed to do until then?!"

Tak shrugged. "Relax? But with that waiting period in mind, I've got something I have to check on."

"Huh?!" Zim watched her get up and head for the door. "Where are you going?!"

"I'll be back in, like, 10 seconds," she said on her way out.

"Wait, wait! WAAAAAIT!"

But Tak had already left.

"Oh no, oh NO...!" Zim yanked his blanket up to his face and looked around frantically.

Now that he was alone, he expected something to happen. No doubt this was some big trap! The humans must've been planning to do something awful to him, and Zim tensed himself for whatever that awful thing was. Hopefully he could find some way out of it. Then an even more worrisome thought crossed his mind. What if they were going after Tak this very second? Of course; the hospital humans made them wait on purpose knowing the Irkens would be split up and they could subject them to their nightmarish ministrations. The whole recuperation thing was a mere cover! A set-up! A SH- -

"Mission accomplished," Tak dumped various bags & containers onto the bed.

"AHH, WHAT'S THAT?!"

"Snacks. I just got them from a vending machine. I figured they'd come in handy for all the waiting we're going to be doing. Did you...seriously not notice me come in?"

"Tak, hasn't the possibility of the hospital humans conspiring against us crossed your mind? What if they know our true identities?!"

"No way. If they can't see through your disguise, then they certainly aren't smart enough to figure all that out," Tak said simply."Want some brownie bits?"

"Why are you being so dismissive?! It's concerning me even more!"

"Because, as usual, your 'concern' is completely unwarranted! All you have to do is lie down for a bit and then we can go home like none of this ever happened, sheesh! The worst of it is over."

"...ughhh." Zim shut his eyes. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps we'll be gone before the humans get the chance to slice our spooches open."

"Yeah, _that's_ what I was saying," Tak murmured sarcastically.

"Unless..." Zim opened one eye. "They've already gotten to you and you're trying to lure me into a false sense of security."

"You think I could be brainwashed that quickly? I'm insulted."

"..." Zim closed his eye again. "A few hours should fly right by. A few hours is nothing. Especially to me. The incredible Zim. By the time I've left, the humans will wish they were the- -"

"PSHHH!"

"AGHHHHHH!" Zim shrieked in alarm. He looked down at his chest, where Tak was holding the resonator of stethoscope.

"Your insides sound kind of like vaporwave," she remarked.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Tak removed the stethoscope. "Oh, while you were talking to yourself, I found a bunch of doctor stuff stashed under the bed. It actually isn't too primitive compared to the empire's equipment."

"Don't touch those! And more importantly, don't touch me with those! They probably have human germs all over them!"

"Nah, they're sterilized...and I'm bored," Tak bent down and rummaged around again. "Wow, a sphygmomanometer! Haven't seen one of these in forever."

"A _what_?"

"An old-fashioned blood pressure gauge," she clarified, holding it up and wrapping the cuff around Zim's unbroken arm. "Here's how it works. You wear it like this, I squeeze this little pump thing, and the meter will tell me your blood pressure- -!"

 ** _POP!_**

The cuff had inflated to the point of bursting.

"...ow..." Zim uttered sourly.

"Leeet me look for something else." Tak searched the box once more.

"Fine, but don't expect me to- -"

"HMM. This one might be a little too dangerous to mess with..."

"Wh-What?"

"Maybe even too dangerous to show you..."

"What?!"

"I shouldn't even mention it!"

"TELL ME WHAT IT IS, INAMORATA!"

"If you insist!" Tak held the device up. "It's a defibrillator! It's pretty much a PAK reactivator, but for humans."

"Why do humans have to give their inventions such ridiculous names?"

"I don't know...want to try it?"

"Why not?"

Tak turned the device on and rubbed the paddles together. The immense friction generated tons of electricity, which crackled between them as they were pulled apart. Zim didn't seem too fazed by it, he was more curious about the functionality. The voltage seemed to keep piling on more and more, going so far as to pull the furniture in as Tak moved the paddles closer and closer to him...

"Doodoo-doo-doo, off to perform life-or-death surgery~" A doctor strolling by the doorway did a double take at all the lightning. "GOOD LORD! What in the name of modern medicine are you doing?!"

Tak and Zim froze, staring back at him.

"Um...defibrillating?"

XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX

 _"And what's the deal with onion rings? I mean, really! *live studio audience laughter* I mean, REEEALLY!"_

Tak shook her head and turned to Zim, who sank deeper into the pile of empty snack containers he was laying in.

"Well, the doctor stuff may have gotten confiscated, but at least we got to enjoy the local TV and semi-expired snacks, right?"

"I hope you realize that after we leave, I'm going to remain cross with you for a solid half hour."

"Mr. Zim?" The nurse from earlier popped in. "You're free to go now."

"FINALLY! Liberate me at once, foolish hospital drone! MMGH!" Zim was lifted by his collar and dropped into a weird chair. "What is this?!"

"It's standard procedure that patients leave in wheelchairs," Tak clarified in a mutter. "And it isn't exactly like you're good on walking..."

"No, but I'm better at walking than you are at...not...getting on my nerves," Zim whispered bitterly.

"Oh, this isn't a wheelchair, we're past that! This is a state of the art hover chair from Membrane Labs!" the nurse said enthusiastically. "It gets you around without any pushing at all! Just pull that lever."

Zim did so and the chair hovered. "And how do I navigate...?"

"Y'all have a nice rest of your day!" With that, the nurse waved and left.

"Well, she was helpful," Zim deadpanned.

"I'm sure this thing will respond to various shifts of gravity," Tak hopped onto the back of the chair. "Follow my lead."

She, ever so slightly, leaned forward, sending the hover chair straight into the doorframe.

"AUGH!" the two yelped on impact.

"Um...these controls seem touchy," Zim gulped.

Tak clenched her fists. "We can do this...!"

They continued on their way out the room, up the hallway and down the stairs, colliding with 99% of the walls, corners and other obstacles as they did so. And the 1% they didn't hit were people who gave them mean looks! HOW RUDE!

"AGH!...OW!...OOF...OUGHH!"

Eventually, the two of them managed to exit the hospital through the front doors and fell to the ground. A hospital employee came along and retrieved the hover chair.

"We've restored you to full health. We hope to see you again." And he left.

"Ow...owww…" Zim's limbs were convulsing. "My joints..."

"Everything feels broken..." groaned Tak. "Everything's in pain..."

* * *

(A/N: Aaand, that's the end! I dunno what to say, this was pretty basic/straightforward, hopefully I have even more fun with the next chapter because that's an odd one, wink wink.

Anywho, as usual, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and I shall see you next time! Au revoir!)


	39. Big Green

(A/N: Thanks for your patience! This chapter was another idea from **DarkDremora**! It's pretty out there because I tend to go overboard with these, but...well, we'll see. _Still_ 5 more slots for requests! I get to them, guys, I get to them. Don't be shy.)

* * *

Ch. 39: Big Green

 _Summary: After watching Dragon Ball Z (don't question its existence in this universe) with Tak, Zim attempts some self-adjustments._

* * *

 _"And so, the person behind the hobo murders was...LORD MACDOUGAL III!"_

 _" ***collective gasp*** "_

 _"...haha...hahaha...NYAHAHA! Bravo, professor! Tell me, however did you figure out it was me?"_

 _"I noticed how often you twirl your moustache..."_

"I wish I had my own moustache," GIR remarked to MiMi. "I'd call him Carlos!"

The trash can in the kitchen slammed open and Tak came climbing out of it feet first. Appearing curious, Zim poked his head out after her as she zipped towards the television.

"TV, TV, TV, TV!" she said to herself.

She squished GIR and MiMi onto one end of the couch and frantically tapped the remote. Zim plopped down next to her as the TV settled on something called the "Really, Really Old Anime Network".

"Heh? Is this what you were in such a random hurry for?"

"Oh, thank goodness!" Tak said, relieved. "I'm just in time!"

"Just in time for what?"

"For Dragon Ball Z!" Tak replied as the theme song played. "It's a really, really old anime, and pretty much the only show humans have made that I find great."

"Anime?" Zim cocked his head to one side. "What's an 'anime'?"

Tak reveled in his naivete somewhat. "It's an animated series from Japan."

"Oh..." Zim watched the opening. "This 'Japan' seems like a very peculiar planet. So, what's so great about it?"

"It's a long, long, LONG story. Like, 141 episodes of story. All you need to know is that I got into it a couple weeks ago when I happened upon it while flipping through channels, and I've binge watched it since then to get caught up to the schedule. It's not perfect, but it has SO many charming and enjoyable aspects to it, and I've been especially excited for this episode because Piccolo has just fused with Kami and encountered a rather creepy-looking creature! I want to see what happens!"

"And wh- -?"

"IT'S STARTINNNG!"

With the recap out of the way, the title card of the episode, "Kamehameha?! The Monster Who Possesses Goku's Ki" popped in.  
Zim leaned back, deciding to open himself up to the experience. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd learned by now that the humans weren't _entirely_ incapable of making good things. Cotton candy, for instance. Meanwhile, GIR and MiMi were tossing Minimoose (wherever he'd come from) back and forth between them. Okay.

The episode progressed as such; Piccolo was face-to-face with this mysterious monster, (spoiler alert: it's Cell) the clear cause of all the recent disappearances of townspeople. As it powered up, its energy was sensed and recognized by everyone at Kame House. This was followed by Piccolo's power-up, the sheer magnitude of which demolished all of Ginger Town, and- -ZIM HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON.

After snapping out of his confused trance, he turned to Tak.

"Tak? Um, why were you so excited for this...?" He trailed off as she shot a glare at him. "NOT that I'm not 100% invested!"

"It's mostly because Piccolo is my favorite character. Now I'll finally get to see his new power!"

"The Pickle-O is powerful?"

"Yyyes, or at least he should be. Watch for yourself!"

They watched the fight between Piccolo and the currently unnamed monster, with Piccolo giving the bug man quite the beatdown. However, it cut to commercial before it concluded. (It felt like there was a commercial break every 2 minutes...) When Zim looked at Tak again, she was on the edge of her seat. And she had that certain _look_ in her eye...that _look_. It was weird to see her look at a TV like that. Or anything other than Zim, for that matter.

"S-So, why is this pickle your favorite?"

"Hm? Oh, there are plenty of things I like about Piccolo. He's really tough, tall, intelligent, courageous, a brilliant shade of green, he wears purple, and he has a sweet side to him, too. Now he's practically a god too!"

"Well, those are some pretty admirable traits..." Zim admitted. "But do y- -?"

"SHH-SH-SHHH! It's back!"

"...alright..." Zim slid off of the couch. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go polish my boots...wait, I have a robot slave to do that for me. GIR, COME!"

"Okie-dokie!"

XXXXXXXINTHEKITCHENXXXXXXX

Knelt down on the floor, GIR continuously scrubbed a rag across on of his master's boots to get it nice and shiny.

"I mean, really think about what Tak has done here!" Zim ranted. "She's gone on commending the perfect and fictional Piccolo- -well, I actually asked her about him, but that's beside the point! The point being that she did for him what you know she'd never do for me, even if it's what she really thinks! All while expecting me to sit there and take it like an unpaid intern! Outrageous, isn't it, GIR?!"

"Hah..." GIR did a couple breaths on the boot before wiping it again. "I dunno!"

"And I know what she'll say if I bring this up! 'Oh, Zim, you're so overly dramatic and short. Piccolo's just an anime character! It doesn't matter that he appeals to me far more than you do and I worship him like the god he is!'" Zim did his best Tak impression. (which wasn't very good at all) "RRGH! KNOW she'd say it!"

"Fwoo, fwoo, PTOO!" GIR accidentally spat. "UHH...Master, can I have a moustache?"

"Hmm," Zim tapped his chin. "If only there were some way to get her to see me the same as...THAT'S IT! Ahahahahahahaaa! GIR! ...GIR, did you get your saliva on my boot?!"

GIR made a guilty face. "Um..."

"Forget it, I don't need it anyway! TO THE LAB!"

XXXXXXXABITLATERXXXXXXX

The next episode preview ended and the RROAN began advertising its upcoming magical girl marathon.

"Wow," Tak leaned back on the couch. "That creature even knows the Kamehameha. I mean, I was shocked enough that it knew the Makankosappo, but the Kamehameha? Crazy. What do you think, MiMi?"

MiMi turned towards her. "..."

"How about you, Minimoose? Any theories?"

"Nyah!" squeaked the robot moose.

"Yeah, right! Like THAT could be the explanation!" scoffed Tak. "Where's Zim? He must have an idea or two about this."

GIR dramatically leapt into the living room. "DUN-DU-DU-DUN-DA-DA-DA-DAAAAA! New and improved Master!"

He gestured toward the kitchen doorway (in equally dramatic fashion), and Zim entered; he now wore a purple pantsuit with a blue sash. He had his human contacts in his eyes, what looked like a genie turban on his head and a long white cape (that just looked like a sheet tied around his shoulders) and tan moccasins on his feet. Basically, it looked like he made a Piccolo costume from memory, which Tak correctly assumed was what he did. He was even posed like Piccolo, with a scowl on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

"New and improved, huh?"

"That's right," Zim gruffly replied, shutting his eyes. "This is Zim from now on."

"Okay," Tak stifled a laugh. "Looks pretty good."

"REALLY?" Zim blurted before returning to his stoic tone. "I mean, I anticipated your praise. But I'm going to do more than look and sound different. I'm going to act different."

"How so?"

"In addition to my bottomless intellect, I am now a martial arts master."

"You mean you mastered martial arts in the five minutes you were gone?"

"I shall demonstrate by..." Zim noticed something on the wall and gasped. "THE ENEMY!"

"Huh?" Tak glanced over and saw a housefly. "That's the enemy?"

"Yes! I must defeat him and all insectoids who dare cross me! Because that's what I do now!" Zim took on a fighting stance. "HAAAAAA- -I'M POWERING UP- -AAAAAAAAAH! Agh, he's moving!"

He tried swatting the fly away with his bare hands.

"That's not martial arts, Zim!"

"Is too! It's, eh, an obscure style of martial arts you've probably never seen or heard of. Fly swatter style! THERE HE ISSS! Now...AMPHIBIAN TECHNIQUE!" He squatted, then sprang straight for the fly, only to barely miss it as it zoomed away, and slam his face into the wall. "URGHH!"

"MiMi, could you get me some snacks?" Tak whispered to her SIR, who scurried into the kitchen with Minimoose. "Uh, Zim, I don't think that technique worked on him!"

"I lost him again!" Zim's eyes darted back and forth. "He must be hiding his energy!"

"Pfft! You should be able to hear him, though. Namekians have super sensitive hearing."

"...OF COURSE!" Zim listened intensely to the fly buzz around the room. He did a sudden kick in one direction. "YAH!"

"Aww, you were so close!"

"HIYAH!" Zim attempted a chop that time.

"Take off your weighted clothing, you'll be faster!"

Zim looked puzzled for a moment before smirking. "Right! I just didn't want to be too fast for you to see me!"

"Oh, I think I'll be fine."

"Hm!" Zim tossed the turban and cape away. After Tak assured him that was all the clothing he had to remove, he shifted his focus back onto the fly. "This is where the REAL fight begins! HAH!"

And so, Tak witnessed Zim chase the fly all over the place, slamming himself against walls and furniture, crashing down onto the floor, and missing the darn thing every time. She actually got relatively hyped to see him catch it, but she knew he wouldn't, as that wasn't the way things worked with Zim. When he actually tried, it was rare for something to go right...

"AGHH...!" The exhausted Zim tripped and fell. "Curse...you...FLYING DEMON...!"

"So, you give up?" Tak's eyes followed the fly. "You're quitting this poor man's DBZ cosplay and going back to how you were before?"

"YES..." panted Zim, pulling his contacts out. "I wasn't constructed to live this way. I miss my inventions...and my actual speech...and my uniform..."

"That's fine." Tak flicked the fly off of the armrest, killing it. "I like you much better as Zim, anyway."

"Looky, looky, Master!" GIR, MiMi and Minimoose came into the living room wearing bandanas of orange, blue and green respectively.

"Nyah!"

"Oh, it's 16, 17 and 18. There are so many combatants in this base all of a sudden." Tak smugly took some popcorn MiMi had procured for her. "We should attend a convention sometime."

"It's one of those Z-Fighter guys!" GIR pointed at Zim's limp form. "Get 'im while he's down! YAHHHHH!"

 ** _KICK! PUNCH! SQUEAK!_**

"Ow! OW! OWWW!"

While GIR, MiMi and Minimoose continued attacking Zim, Tak ate and watched with satisfaction. It was even more entertaining than anime.

* * *

(A/N: Told you it'd be weird...told you. I hope you were able to get enjoyment out of this even if you aren't super familiar with Dragon Ball and stuff; with any luck, I won't take forever to write the next chapter. Guess that's all I had to say.

Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes, check out my profile for more and I'll see you next time. Au revoir!)


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